Where Whine Meets Wine

Rocking Chair Bliss

Thankful Friday… today I am both thankful in general, and thankful it’s Friday. We are expecting some snow, starting this morning, this weekend and I’m looking forward to a weekend of snuggling in with my honeys and maybe some fun time outside. we haven’t had enough snow to really enjoy winter activities and my biggest boy has been so sad about that. Today he decided he misses warm weather since there’s nothing fun to do outside right now. Can’t say I blame him. We were looking forward to snowball fights, snowmen, sledding, and snowshoeing…but there just hasn’t been the snow for it. Hopefully this weekend will turn that around. So today, I am thankful for weather that feels like winter, and hoping it brings snow to make it look like winter as well.

I am also thankful for something else. Those that know me in real life, and probably those that have read along with me for a while now, know that I am a breastfeeding advocate (the daughter of a lactation consultant, I can’t help it!). Now if you know my feelings on breastfeeding and it’s importance you probably just think that I’m not one of the masses who has struggled with it. Unfortunately, that is simply not true. Now I am a go to person for questions, and have never minded the late at night phone calls fielding questions that I sometimes get. Sometimes my hubby even gets phone calls about breastfeeding to have him run by me. I don’t mind one bit. The truth is, a lot of the answers I have, is because I’ve been there. I’ve had a baby who only wanted to nurse all the time (and by all the time, I mean all the time. Truly.), I’ve had to figure out how to get newborns to latch correctly, I’ve had to figure out how to deal with nursing strikes and growth spurts, cluster feedings, thrush, and teething. With my oldest I lost my supply when he was only 9 months- when I was pregnant with his sister. With MissE she and I both battled a long, painful battle with thrush when she was 12 months old. And now with my youngest, after we passed the year mark I was thrilled. No major bumps (or bites). I thought that finally I might have one child that I could wean naturally, in our own time. And it seemed as if we were going rather smoothly along that road. Unfortunately, as his eye teeth have come in, he has developed some bad habits in his latch. My oldest was so adamant about nursing that even very, very little I could coach him in how to hold his mouth and he would do whatever it took to continue nursing. My youngest is more stubborn about doing things the way he wants. These teeth have been slowly easing their way in for months. Seriously- they first poked through  about 2 months ago and they’re still maybe half in. Try as I may, and try with all my might I did, but have ended with pain and lots of tears. After the battle we went through with MissE, hubbyman was adamant that I not let it progress to infection and the battle that becomes. While it seems we may be headed down that road anyways, we’ve certainly been trying everything in our power. I pumped and pumped and pumped some more. I was not getting enough milk and my body was not healing fast enough to actually nurse him. Last week he and I were both sick, which made pumping more difficult. I mean, not only did I not feel well, but he didn’t either, therefore was always in arms. Pumping and holding a wiggly baby toddler is not so easy. Today is my 5th day of not pumping. It’s kind of heartbreaking and I feel disappointed and sad.Littlest is now 18 months old, and I know that I have gone above and beyond what a lot of moms do, but it was not how I had envisioned things. You’d think with 3 kids, at least one of them would be easy! (But I guess it just adds to my frame of reference for more breastfeeding questions.) Now I know this doesn’t sound like it fits into a thankfulness post, and if I’m honest, I’ll tell you- I am not thankful for this. At all. But what I am thankful for is the support I have always been given by my husband. He came to my defense when I called the failings of my body into question (between his pregnancy, his birth, and now this…). He has become a staunch advocate himself, and  I find that something to be so thankful for.

We recently acquired a rocking chair that my parents had in the house I grew up in, which was wonderful because we didn’t have any furniture that rocked. And everyone with kids needs something that rocks! Between sick times and cuddle times- it’s just a necessity. At least to me. And over the holiday sales I found some suede microfiber fabric on major clearance that I snatched up to reupholster it with. I just about lived in this chair while we were all sick, rocking Littlest to sleep. And it became a miracle for while we were transitioning to bottles and milk not from the tap. We’d always nursed for nap time and bed time, and it was becoming a challenge to put him down without. In came the rocking chair. I mentioned to hubbyman how thankful I was for the rocking chair to rock and snuggle him in close, and how still having that time was helping to alleviate some of my disappointment. And so this week he took it upon himself and took apart the chair. He took the old upholstery off, he did some upkeep to the chair itself, and he spent a couple evenings in a row doing the actual reupholstering. I really missed being able to use it while it was a work in progress. But when I took Littlest upstairs to rock after an hour of unsuccessful bedtime attempts, I was overwhelmed with thankfulness. He put his chubby little hand around my neck, gave me a kiss (along with the sound- his kisses always include the sound mmmwah!), nestled in, and went right to sleep.  It may not be the way I’d hoped, or the way I’d envisioned, but as I sat and rocked my sleeping baby, the disappointment and frustrations subsided and all I felt was thankful. For this old rocking chair turned into new and my sweet hubbyman who always seems to know my heart.

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The Ways of The (My) Man

My hubbyman is one of those “man’s man” kinda guys. You know, the kind that will invent a huge project filled with lumber and tools just to avoid any kind of mall or store. Now, I’m not really complaining about that, I prefer the mall without my husband, usually. I’m a wanderer, and he’s a complainer. Those things just don’t mix. And I thoroughly appreciate the fact that he can take care of pretty much any need that should arise in the home, be it plumbing, painting, or any form of carpentry. (Remember the Thomas bed? sidenote: I thought I had a post with the kids in it, in all it’s finished glory…but I couldn’t seem to find it. Hmm. Although I do think I have it in an album on facebook- go ahead, “like” me on facebook and see!) Anyhow, he’s more than a jack of all trades, he’s one of those people who is just good at everything. Or at least anything that you can turn into a project.

I joined my hubbyman for a happy hour with his coworkers last night and they joked about when the last time they saw him smile was. The last time I’d joined them for happy hour, they joked about how one of their goals is to get hubbyman to show more than one emotion in a day. If this isn’t starting to paint a picture, let me tell you about a joke that we have shared for most of our marriage. When apologizing, I tell him that I am sorry I hurt his feeling. Feeling. Singular. As in he only has one. While this is, of course, in jest. And he really is a kind-hearted, loving man, and father… he is just a very focused one. A very focused, man’s man, kind of one. The kind of man who’s always thinking about the big picture, so he’s always working harder, finding another project, and doing something. He is always thinking about and trying to make our lives better.  He is a hard worker and an excellent provider, but (admittedly) not the greatest of communicators. He’s not the kind of guy who does big romantic gestures, or gives romantic speeches in prose. And if I’m needing to hear something, I generally have to tell him. But when he does do (or say) something without my prodding, it is always heartfelt and better than anything I could have come up with on my own. He knows I am a card person (I love giving and receiving them, always have.), and my favorites are when he has made me very elaborate cards, and due to his artistic capabilities (Truly!), they are always works of art. I don’t mean he took a blank piece of paper, folded it in half and wrote I love you on the inside and called it good. I mean he spent more than an hour on it, and it really is a work of art.

I recently was reading a post from the lovely Karyl, at ilovethishusbandandwifestuff. She was talking about how her hubby tells her she’s beautiful and how hard it is to receive that compliment sometimes, and I commented on the post and have been thinking about it ever since. Even though my hubbyman may not be the most sensitive of men, when he does go there, it’s always memorable. Here is part of my comment in response to her post. (And what gets me through in between all the manly man stuff to remind me that even when he’s wrapped up in a project, I am what he loves.)

I’ve known my husband since I was 14 and sometimes I wonder what he thinks as he watches me growing older. But even in our early 20s he told me he had a dream where he saw us sitting on our porch together, little old grandparents watching over the lives we’d built. And he saw me with grey hair. And he always smiles when he talks of this dream and tells me he can’t wait to see me at that age, and that he thinks that’s the most beautiful I’ll ever be. Where the lines on my face and the grey of my hair are symbols of the life and the time we’ve lived together.There’s just something so sweet about a man who sees his spouse through eyes of life. Where even though you’re so tired or you’re in your sweatpants, or you’ll never look like Heidi Klum, it doesn’t matter because when he looks at you he doesn’t just see the beauty in your face, he sees your heart, and your lives, and all that you’ve put into it. And that’s always the best compliment. 

And really, could it get any better than that? When it comes down to all his man’s man projects, and thinking, and feeling… I’d take his random, heart-felt, and heart-melting words, cards, and moments over weekly flowers any day.  (But I’d still accept and love the flowers.)


Here We Go Again

I didn’t plan on posting today, mainly because my house is a huuuge disaster. Not only was this last month ridiculously busy, but as soon as people walked out our door, the plague walked in. Littlest has had a fever for a few days, and has been unwilling to spend any time out of my arms. And Big E came down with it yesterday and spent most of yesterday vying for a spot in my arms. This morning, for the first time in almost 5 days, I woke up to the sounds of all three of them in the playroom- playing! Unfortunately, it didn’t last for littlest E, he still spent the majority of the morning in my arms, but as the day goes on he’s a little more willing to venture forward. So U got ambitious and decided I’d attempt the dishes. What did I get for that? I got sprayed by the water hose. For those of you who’ve read this for a while, probably can guess my reaction to being sprayed, yet again, by that stinkin’ sticky handle on the sprayer. Turns out once it’s been tied down, it likes to remain stuck down, or randomly stick down on its own accord. If you are new to my life blog, then you may not know the story. And even if you aren’t- maybe a reread is in order. So here you go:

This morning I got up and it was freezing! I’d been cold all night too- even with Big E snuggled into our bed (I don’t even know when that happened?!), and that boy’s a heater. So turns out the heat never got turned up before bed (I turn it way down during the day depending on if we’re spending our day upstairs or downstairs… no point in heating an area we’re not in!). So I was cold and a little cranky. And then I go upstairs. I have Littlest E on my hip, because he’s been up for quite some time playing and is starting to get a little cranky. I get my favorite coffee cup -because of it’s size- and turn on the water (yes, I admit it, I was going to make instant coffee. Please don’t judge. I know it’s bad. I’m just that desperate for coffee immediately.)… and then it happens. I get sprayed with water. And it takes me a moment to realize what’s going on (hello?! no coffee yet!?!), and to realize that the baby on my hip is being sprayed directly in his face. Great. So I turn the water off and look at the hose, figuring something had to have gone wrong. And then it hits me. It’s APRIL FIRST. Crap. And there’s the string tied around the hose. So I do a little growling and muttering as I cut the string off. I wipe Ethan down, change shirts.  ….it might also be helpful to know this about me: I HATE when my clothes get wet. Like hate, hate. So much that a small spill even, will send me back into the house to change, no matter where I was heading, or how late I already am. Hate. It’s weird, don’t question it- it’s just how it is. Then Miss E (the 2 1/2 year old, nicknamed the dEva) starts asking for some water and she’s whining… so I pick her up and we go get her water. Turns out, the hose had been tied down so long, it wanted to stay in that position. You should also know something about Miss E: She’s dramatic, and she hates getting her clothes wet at least as much as I do. And still no coffee yet.

Breathe in….breathe out. Make enough coffee to feed an army. Drink and watch Ellen. Breathe. Try not to mutter about killing my husband in front of the children… aaahhh, coffee kicks in. As I posted in my facebook status: [Husband]- apparently you’ve forgotten who cooks your meals, washes your clothes, and raises your children… because you’d think you would know better than to pull a prank on her. But don’t worry, I’ll make dinner extra special as a reminder!


If you want to read more about this ridiculous story, you can read the original post in it’s entirety, my revenge post, and the post where the prank never ends, and obviously it never does because that was almost a year ago!

So may your pranks be epic, your coffee pot full, and your face stay dry.

I can’t wait until April.



After a much needed hiatus, I am back my dear friends. The holidays are over and life is beginning to go on as usual. They were wonderful, ridiculously busy, and filled. And I hope that yours were too.

Here are some of my favorite things from this last year:

  1. Visits from far-flung family and friends.
  2. Weekend getaway with a girlfriend. (and a stowaway in the form of sweet little(st) E
  3. A summer completely filled to the top with some of my favorite people
  4. Our best anniversary getaway to date. (That started with free champagne and chocolate covered strawberries and ended in a free hotel room.)
  5. An empty hotel and pool fun with my sweet, little family
  6. Cutting down our own little Christmas tree, no matter how Charlie Brown-esque it may have been
  7. game nights with friends
  8. quiet evenings with those I love most
  9. late night Wii fests full of wins and defeats all around
  10. laughter, tears, and everything in between that makes life as challenging and wonderful as it always is that leaves us grateful for everyone and everything in it.


I hope to continue my attitude of gratitude for many years to come, not just 2012. May you find lots of reasons to be thankful for the year passed (even if it’s just it’s passing), and in the years to come.

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Season of Thankfulness

I can hardly believe we’re just a couple short days away from Christmas! Seems like last week we were still waiting on Thanksgiving! But that’s how it goes every year, isn’t it? And sadly, I missed out on yesterday’s “Simple” post… I seem to have been doing that a lot lately. And if I’m honest, I’ll admit that I sat down to do it, loaded all the necessary photos, and just didn’t feel like it. So the kids and I made another round of sugar cookies instead. And I don’t regret it one bit! But I am hoping to start doing  more recipes again! So that’s something you can be looking forward to (or not!). I have pictures and recipes just waiting to be shared! Everything from monkey bread pizza, sugar cookies!, and mug cakes (they take 2 minutes to make! seriously!). And more!! And they’re all gluten free! And soooo delicious! And since today is FRIDAY (duhn, duhn, duhn) and the fact that this is a season where we are bombarded by things to do, things to make, things to buy, things to give, things to get, and people to see…  it’s easy to get lost in all of that and forget all the things that are really important during Christmas, and always. Along with being thankful. For friends, family, jobs, homes… here are some things I’m  incredibly thankful for!

  • For a hubby who will have TEN DAYS IN A ROW off!! I’m so excited about this I can hardly contain myself! And my mom said that they’ll take the kids for a day during Christmas break, so we’ll actually get a day together! That’s really something to be thankful for!
  • For my Christmas present. Yes, I know it’s just a thing, but it’s a wonderful, pasta extruding thing that I’ve been wanting! And hubby was thoughtful enough to think of it and get it for me! (And let me use it before Christmas even! I did have his permission to open it, but I’m not sure how he would’ve stopped me since I was home when the Williams-Sonoma box arrived!)
  • I take great joy in finding “perfect” gifts for people! I am thankful that I have wonderful, beautiful people in my life to love and appreciate!
  • I am thankful for my NEPHEW that’s a’growin’ in my sister-in-law’s growing  belly!!
  • I am thankful for the sensitive side of hubbyman that who admitted he’d hoped it was a niece, because he thought it would be fun to have a cute,  little niece! (But it will be fun that Littlest with have a cousin close enough to his age that they’ll be playmates!)
  • I am thankful for surprising the kiddos with the arrival of their cousin and aunt and uncle from China!
  • I am SO THANKFUL that we got a dusting of snow this week… and that there’s lots coming down now! (please, keep snowing! please, keep snowing!)
  • I am thankful for every person that stops by here! The ones who read it occasionally, the ones who read it regularly, and even the ones who just skim through. (*ahem*hubbyman*)

And I’m off to go decorate some gingerbread men, snowmen, Christmas trees, dinosaurs, monkeys, elephants, and strawberry-shaped cookies!  What you don’t think dinosaurs or strawberry shortcake land berries are Christmasy? Well, you obviously haven’t seen our nativity then!

Merry Christmas, my dears! And may you accept all the love and hugs a little more graciously than my little ones!


Christmas Sadness

So…I didn’t post anything yesterday (you obviously noticed instead of sitting there obliviously, right?? I’m going with, obviously!) and I thought about skipping it today…. but thoughts of you won out. That’s right, you.

The holidays are always a hard time for me, emotionally, physically, mentally… it’s the time of year I’ve always struggled most. It’s seasonal depression-esque but probably a little heavier. I have trouble sleeping- I toss and turn, even though I’ve made a point to go to bed earlier than I normally do and have outlawed the computer in the bedroom so that I have nothing distracting me from sleep- other than myself. And then I wake up and I’m so tired you’d think I barely slept the night before and it’s truly all I can do to drag myself out of bed. This morning I realized that as I get older, it may be worsening instead of being alleviated.  My tip off? The fact that I sat and looked longingly at the coffee maker, wanting coffee, but thinking I just didn’t have it in me to actually make the coffee. It just seemed like so much effort. Uh, what? Houston, we definitely have a problem.

Hubbyman will admit it, begrudgingly, but he too as seasonal depression. I’m sure a good part of his is that he never sees the sun. It’s dark when he leaves for work and it’s dark when he comes home- and that is hard on a person! I’ve been trying to coax him into talking to a Dr. about it, but it seems a little silly when I have not done that myself. Maybe we can go together and it’ll be like a date. (Yeah, that’s not happening.) But I am hoping that if I decide to take the leap of faith and trust that I don’t have to feel this way, maybe he will too. Instead of laying back to back, tossing and turning, both battling the same restless feelings, without the words to fully explain them. (Plus, as a spouse it’s hard to not internalize your partners feelings.)  The point of why I’m sharing this? (Because I’m not exactly enjoying telling people that I think making coffee is a lot of work… c’mon, coffee?! It does explain the mountain of laundry though, if I think coffee is a big deal.) Maybe you’re feeling that way, or maybe someone you love is feeling that way. Know that you’re not alone, know that they aren’t trying to be a grump during the time of year lots of people become bubbley annoying versions for their former put together selves. So talk. Talk about your feelings, talk about their feelings. And remember it’s ok. See a Dr., see a therapist, see your best friend. There is no shame in doing what is necessary for you, or your spouse, partner, friend, family member…. No shame. Only encouragement, support, and hopefully a better nights’ sleep.

The truth is, I’m antsy even sitting here, with visions of laundry fairies and diaper genies dancing in my head. I’m pretty sure they’re laughing at me and how they won’t be visiting my house, instead leaving me to wash all the diapers, and the rest of the laundry on my own. Me, who thinks coffee making takes a lot of effort. Yikes. If I can figure out a way to bribe -or blackmail- them, I’ll be sure to let you know.


Anniversary Bliss

This weekend the unimaginable happened- Littlest E I survived an overnight away. And hubbyman only had to tell me once that I couldn’t talk about how I missed him. I think I faired pretty well. With the exception of being restless the first half of the night, he had a marvelous time, as did his grandparents who had him in their care. They got to witness the hilarity that we see on a daily basis. (I got text messages of his funniness. They are discovering what we’ve known for a while- he tries to be funny.) He did shriek when he saw me and has been showering me with kisses. But he also reacts that way when I return from a trip to the grocery store. The Big 2 got to stay at home with The Uncles. (They also sent me text messages of the funny things they’d say. And said they plan to record their answers to questions from hereon out. I’m thinking humor is in the genes.) They all had a fabulous time. They got boxed macaroni, lots and lots of movies, and the Uncles even brought over a huuuuge bowl of fruit that they basically consumed on their own. (by they, I mean Big E and Miss E. Hopefully no tummy issues play out today!) Ok, so we’ve established that I survived, they survived, and we’re all a big, funny family…

But the point of it all is, hubbyman and I had an amazing time in honor of our 7th wedding anniversary! Now we always enjoy our time together, and we always have fun…. but this time just seemed a little above & beyond. Hubbyman even kept repeating, I’m having such a good time! We always stay at the same hotel (it’s our tradition- to stay at the hotel we stayed on our wedding night.), which while you might think it could get monotonous, it doesn’t. In fact, this trip reaffirmed why we always continue to stay there.

We got there and snuggled into a booth, ate a mediocre dinner (we’ve never had any complaints about their food before, which is maybe why we were so nonplussed at the fact that it was just kind of…okay.) and headed to our room. We were just unloading and regrouping before heading down to the courtyard for their “manager’s reception” (read: open bar) when there was a knock at the door. Someone from the wait staff was at our door with champagne and chocolate-covered strawberries! Compliments of the hotel in celebration of our anniversary! (When I made the reservation, I noted that a) it was our anniversary and b) we stay here every year for our anniversary. A good hotel with take note!)

Photo from phone. Camera was forgotten.

We were pretty excited about that! At the “reception” the bartender remembered us! And was such a sweetheart! We talked about how it was things like that, that makes us continue returning year after year! So we had an evening of laughter, games, chatter…and just an overall good time! Our only complaint was that the room was a little chilly. And no matter how high we cranked the thermostat, the room didn’t change temperature. By the end of the night we had it cranked to 90. And it was definitely not 90 degrees. Maybe 65ish. But anyways, the next morning we ate our way through their huge, made-to-order breakfast, went back to our room to shower and head out. Hubbyman basically jumped in and out of the shower, because you could hardly even call it warm. I stuck it out long enough to wash and condition my hair, and by the very end (after maybe 20 minutes of water running) it was warm. I had it cranked all the way and it never moved past warm (muchlike the heat!). Now maybe these sound like big issues, and if we’d of been there as a family, it probably would have felt like a bigger deal. But we were just enjoying each other and our time away, and having such a good time that we didn’t really think much of it.

So we go down to check out and Hubbyman just mentions that they might want to send someone up to look at the thermostat because we couldn’t get it to change the heat, no matter how high we put it. And I piped up with, and the shower had no hot water either. I was afraid she would think we were just complainers… so I quickly added, we stay here every year and have never had complaints, so this is a first. Well, to make up for it, she comped our room. We were surprised, excited, and thankful. And made us even more sure of the fact that we will definitely be going back next year. Since Littlest E will be over 2 next year, maybe we can even turn it into a whole weekend get away! You know, if I can stand to be away from the the little ones for that long! As much as I miss them, these quick little escapes are so vital to our marriage!

Since I forgot to on Friday, I will add my thankful list here and now:

*For a husband who has stood beside me all these years (kissing partner of 14 years, husband of 7)

*That my husband still enjoys spending time with me- and I with him!

*For 3 beautiful, healthy children who bless me more than i could’ve ever imagined!

*For wonderful, willing, helpful family members! (Whether it’s a quick visit at a craft fair, to babysitting 2 wiggley monkeys, to enduring a little ones first overnight away from his parents)


The 7 Year Itch

Sunday is the anniversary of the day I became a wife! 7 years ago! My sister-in-law make a comment about 7 being “the year of the promise,” and it got me thinking. Not about all the promises that you make on your wedding day, though those are good too. But about the promise of a future together. While I know that we will look back and say, 7 years?! That was nothin’! At least in comparison to the 50 or more years I hope we spend together. But 7 years, is still 7 years. And at this point, 7 years is a quarter of my life. That’s a fairly big chunk.

The first five years are kind of “newlywed” years. Learning how to live together, to love together, to grow together…and most importantly, how to stay together. Does that mean that we’ve passed some boundary where we’re no longer susceptible to disagreement or strife within our marriage? Absolutely not. But what it does mean is that we have almost a decade of foundation underneath us now to help carry us through.

I think the first couple years can be hard for the “getting used to” and accommodating to each other reasons, but the last couple years and the next decade, will probably be hard years. Not because of our marriage itself, rather where we are in our lives. He had a demanding job and often works long hours. And I’m at home. All. Day. with our 3 young children. It’s a trying time in our lives. But I’m certain these times will also contain some of our most cherished, beloved, and thought of memories of all, as well. The day we became parents. The day we became parents to a daughter. The day we lost a baby. The day we witnessed a miracle (Littlest E). The family trips. The birthday parties. The surprise birthday parties. The family movie nights. The weekend breakfasts. The staying up way too late after the kids have gone to bed, just to have an hour or two together. The laughter. The tears. The hard work. The lack of sleep… it’s all a part of the promise of the future we have together. As parents, as a family, and as partners.

Do we meet all of each other’s needs? Not always. Do things go the way we’d envisioned them? Rarely. Will life move along at a pace close to that of the speed of sound? Indefinitely. The moral of the story is this- I chose him 7 years ago and have chosen him every day since. Just as I believe he will continue to choose me as well. As long as I keep cooking. ♥


It Gets Me Through

I had a very strange dream last night. It started off as me driving, in the rain, with all three of my children in the back in their car seats. One started fussing or crying or something and I adjusted my mirror to look at them. All the sudden I see the SUV behind me is actually police, with their lights on. So I pull over and roll down the window. He immediately looks in the back at all three children and then turns to me and suddenly I’m in another dream! I’m no longer the driver- hubbyman is, and I’m the passenger. About 6ish months pregnant. And I don’t really remember what the policeman said to the hubs, but I do remember talking to him about how I no longer fit in any of my clothes and we’d just found out the sex of the baby and so we were on our way to go shopping! And then I woke up. The funny thing is, the 2nd dream was actually more of a reenactment because that scene really happened. Thankfully he was a sweet man, who recognized that there was no posted speed limit and warned my hubby to drive slower with his extra special cargo. I hadn’t thought of that day in.. I don’t know when I’ve thought back on it, actually. As my mind continued to wander through that day, I remembered the sweetness of being pregnant with our very first baby, the excitement over just finding out he was in fact a boy (I knew it!), and the lasting impression of seeing my husband changing into a father as he wandered around a baby store thoughtfully picking out clothes for our baby (he was particularly fond of things with duckies on them).

I have had the honor of seeing my husband go through  many things and make many changes in his life, as I’ve known him for half of it. I have seen him go from adolescent to man, from friend to spouse, from wild child to military man, from military man to civilian (in a job he actually loves!), but my favorite conversion was watching him grow into a father. (I may pay for sharing this!) My favorite picture -that always moves me to tears- is one from just seconds after Big E was born, baby on my chest, hubby at my side, wiping a tear from his cheek. So sweet, so tender… not usually the first words one would use to describe my husband, which is perhaps what makes this moment so invaluable. He went from a man who had his own list of wants and needs to a man who was on diaper duty so much that I didn’t change a diaper for almost 2 full weeks after Big E arrived! A man who used to enjoy happy hour with co-workers was now rushing home from work, insisting that he immediately get his boy.  A man who was so full of pride over being a father that he would talk to strangers about how beautiful his baby was- the most beautiful baby there ever was. He’d rave over how perfect he was (the baby, that is)! The first few times of Big E being babysat, he’d even race me to the baby!

Or in watching him react to the news that he was having a girl! And watching her wrap him around her finger! He tells me at least weekly, we’re in so much trouble- she just keeps getting cuter and cuter! (And he’s right, but don’t tell her that! We try and focus on how important it is for her to be a nice girl!) Or watching him with Littlest E just hours after his birth, trying to be strong for me, but being so scared as I was losing so much blood. (The thought of being a single parent to 3 kids is pretty frightening!) We have had lots of sweet and tender moments in our years together, but none so sweet as the ones that surround our children.

There are days he has not evolved into the best parent, as there are days I have not either… but we both try mightily and love deeply. And that’s what gets us through, along with the occasional remembrance (or dream) of tender, quiet moments where we were blessed beyond our wildest dreams and the reasons that we chose this wonderful, wonderfilled, crazy life.

Big E

Miss E

Littlest E

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The Earth Is Round

So this weekend hubbyman and I had a bit of a heart-to-heart. I’d been feeling one way, he’d been feeling another, and neither of us had been very communicative. It came on suddenly and really was a fairly short conversation. Was it our first discussion of this kind? Hardly. Will it be our last? I’d be shocked.  We each just needed to feel heard. It reminds me of the way the kids ask a million questions, all in a row. Some things they really do want answers for, but others, I’m fairly certain, are asked just because they want to know that it’s ok, or safe, to ask any questions they may have. And sometimes I feel that way too. I talk and talk, but really I just want to know, and feel, that my words are worth listening to. Am I alone in this?

My mom sent me an e-mail (that my grandma had sent to her) the other day and after our talk, I shared it with my husband, and we both had a good laugh:

While creating women, God promised men that submissive and obedient wives would be found in all corners of the world.

And then He made the earth round.