This last week I have successfully: gone to family camp with my little brother (15+ years younger) and my 3 children…without hubbyman. And we survived! And had a good time to boot! While I would have loved to have been there the whole time (We went for 3 of the 6 days), I think it was the perfect amount for us. Long enough to feel like we really got to enjoy ourselves and all the friends that we primarily only get to see at this yearly event, but short enough that I managed to survive the sleep exhaustion you incur when you sleep on bunk beds (that were old when I was my kids’ ages) that have been pushed together to accommodate all of us, along with the late nights and early mornings. I’m pretty sure that whoever set the schedule for camp, did not have children. There are morning sessions and evening sessions. The evening being much like a regular Sunday morning church session. Starting at 7:15 and lasting (well this year it lasted) until 9:30. Breakfast is at 8:15 and morning sessions start at 9:15. Oh, and did I mention that after the service is what is referred to as “afterglow” where they serve refreshments and everyone visits. Needless to say, for FAMILY camp, that part of it, is really not very family friendly. But, we love it anyway. I have been going for 20 years, and I love that it’s become a place my children love and look forward to going to as well.
This has been a bit of an emotional weekend for me. I would assume that’s half due to the very small amount of sleep I actually got while camping (and sleeping) with my three small children. Accompanied with the age old question of, Do you think you’ll have any more children? And then when I respond, No, I think we’re done. It seemed to always be followed with, You just seem so natural with your children, like one of those people who would have like a bunch of children. Yes, thank you for rubbing in the fact that I would have wanted to have more children want more children am done having children. (If you are someone I care about, I don’t feel aggravated in telling my story to you. So if you asked me those questions and you’re reading this, don’t assume I’m having negative feelings towards you- I’m not.) This weekend also was the “reinstatement” of something I haven’t had in 2 years. (Which probably is reason enough for all this mood swing-y-ness.) The last time was when I miscarried before getting pregnant with Littlest E. So I had a few good cries. I’m sure it’s coupled with the fact that Littlest E is now over a year old and typically by this point (or shortly thereafter) I’m pregnant again. So Saturday was also the first time I’m had “the baby pang” and it made my heart ache. I tried to fill the void by adopting a new puppy at a Homeward Bound event, that I attended with a friend who was getting an animal… but couldn’t convince hubby. (*eyeroll*) He just loves to be the reasonable one. Somehow I see this becoming an ongoing battle. Eventually he’ll give in. Next time I’ll just bring him to the event. Let him look into their sad little eyes and tell them we don’t have room! (haha! *insert wicked witch laughter, and a sense of irony over the fact that I’m using wicked witch laughter when trying to save an animal.)
I know that we have three happy, healthy children, and I am so thankful for them. And I know that hubbyman is more than content with three kids. But I can’t help the fact that the knowledge of never being able to have more children, feels like a deep, open wound. It’s not that my children aren’t enough, but that they are. I am just one of those women that really loves being a mother, and I really love the young ages. (Not that I won’t enjoy them all along the way, I’m just a baby person!) It’s just something I’m going through, and will probably continue to go through. Maybe someday we’ll talk adoption, or foster care… or something. But for today, I’m trying to understand that the big picture may not be seen by me, and isn’t controlled by me.
Since I wasn’t home on Friday, and didn’t plan ahead enough to do it ahead of time, I missed my Thankful Friday post. Since I think I need the reminder today, I’ll finish with that today. Today’s list may be pretty simple and basic, but sometimes we need that reminder- that the “little” things (like food and shelter) are actually pretty important (who knew, right?!)
- I’m thankful for a home to live in
- I’m thankful for a place like family camp to have so many memories in (I met hubbyman there!! We shared our first kiss there 14 years ago!!) and a place to make so many more memories in with my children!! And the lifelong friends I’ve made there!! Or maintained there!
- I’m thankful that Miss E had a lovely birthday. It was a beautiful day and we enjoyed it as a family.
- I am thankful for my very cozy bed to sleep in.
- For my hardworking hubby. He works hard so I can stay home with our babies. And I appreciate that so much.
- I’m thankful for my husband in general! He is a good man and one of few people that I’ve always been able to depend upon for love and support in my life- for half of my life!!
- I am very thankful for this cooler weather. I needed a reprieve! It’s been gorgeous! Where you’re perfectly warm (and not an inch cold!) but you’re not all hot and sweaty and the kids aren’t miserable.
- I am hugely thankful for 3 healthy children, who consistently tell me they love me the most and will forever. And tell me they’re going to kiss me all day long.
- I am thankful that all my children really love to cuddle.
- I’m thankful that my dog is a big baby. Seriously. You’ve never seen a more docile lab.
- I’m thankful that Littlest E still is pretty good about taking good naps. At least one. Not terribly long, but long enough that I can usually do something, even if just to give some extra attention to the bigger kids. (not that that’s a little thing!)
- I’m so thankful that my tomato plants are producing after all!
- And lastly, I am uber (I can’t stress this enough!!) thankful that the train bunk bed that my husband built, and is now finishing the paint work on, is just a few hours away from being done!!!
Happy Birthday to my very own Miss E!
laborofwonder 
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