Ugh.

by motherofwonder

Since I missed it this week (and maybe the week before too! Yikes!), I’m going to start with a couple things I’m REALLY thankful for!

Family!
My lovely children!
My hardworking hubby!
My project oriented hubby!
My willing and able brother! (he was hubbyman’s painting partner)
My in-laws! We love to go to their house and it’s so wonderful to spend time with them.
My sister-in-law got her medical assistance approved (my brother and his wife are missionaries)
A hubby who can anticipate my needs- there was creamer in the fridge when I woke up!

And now back to our regularly scheduled programming (ha!):

I want to blog. I like to write. I love to talk. The problem is, I’m having a difficult time actually doing it. Somewhere in between the 3 children, the husband, the laundry, the cooking, the painting (we have vaulted ceilings that were in dire need of painting… not fun. Poor hubbyman.)… and we have someone coming to the house TOMORROW and I was gone all weekend. So the house is covered in paint, tools, and toys.

I spend lots of time thinking about the things I want to say… but when it comes to taking “time out” to do it… I’m not so disciplined. I’m needing to work on a better schedule I think, or better time management at least. I took the kids to my in-laws this weekend for some Grandma & Papa time (an added bonus was then I didn’t have to keep the kids out of the way during painting, or have smell the paint fumes!) and it was nice to “get away.” We did some shopping (for necessary winter gear as we could have snow this month), lots of playtime, and Big E even helped me make super, super yummy Fallen Souffle Cupcakes! It was so fun to have the time and space to do some of these fun things with my little ones that sometimes I miss out on because I’m too busy with the daily grind.

My hope it work super hard this week getting things done (and cleaned!) and organized!!! And the final painting will hopefully be finished next weekend… and then I can get a much better schedule implemented where I’m doing fun things like baking with the kids and making you laugh… those are important things, you know! (*smile*)

In the meantime, anyone have a place they go for really great redecorating or (re)arranging furniture?

Family Life According To Me Marriage Thankful Fridays

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Forever Fluff

by motherofwonder

When I was pregnant with Big E, hubbyman and I talked about cloth diapers. I don’t remember what made us think about them or what our exact feelings about them were, but I do remember that we moved when he was only 3 months and we weren’t really certain what the future would hold for us (we were back and forth between parents while we looked for jobs and housing)… so we ~~decided~~ just used disposables. When Miss E came around we were living in an apartment, big E was only 18 months old, and our tiny little laundry room with only one washer and one dryer was not convenient by any means, and was 3$ for one wash and dry. So when we had Littlest E I’d kind of forgotten about my desire to try cloth… and then a couple friends (three of my college girlfriends were all pregnant at the same time as I was!) used cloth on their babies! They gave lots of helpful advice and insight. And by 5 months we were set up. Ten months later, we are still cloth diapering it, and loving it more than ever!

While you might be grimacing and picture buckets and pails and stinkiness… I have to tell you, these are not your mama’s cloth diapers…Today’s cloth diapering is a whole new ball game. It’s about cuteness, and comfort, and ease. They come in all kinds of different styles and prints. And gone are the days of those humongous pins and plastic wrapped prefolds. Today you can have ones that are the same design as a disposable, only instead of tossing it out, you toss it in the wash! They can close with a “snappi,” velcro, or for your baby who loves to undo himself, with snaps. You can have diapers where everything is all in one (AIO) where you don’t have to do anything to it, just put it on! You can have ones that have a “pocket” that you put inserts into with the amount depending on how absorbent you need it to be (like it if it’s for bedtime or naptime). You can have covers that go over your traditional prefolds/soakers. Really, the possibilities are endless. And so are the brands! There is a ridiculous amount of brands, sizes, and styles. I took the advice (and experience) to heart of a fellow cloth mama, and got one brand for my start up… and I loved them so much that I never deviated (for almost a year). But when I asked in a couple of cloth diapering groups what they would tell a new-to-cloth parent, most of them responded with try lots of different brands and styles so that you can find what works best for you and your baby.

Another tip? Find a store that sells cloth diapers, if you can. Here in the Twin Cities, we have All Things Diapers. They are awesome! So friendly, so knowledgable! And if you buy some diapers and don’t like them? You can return them (yes, even used) and get all your money back (within 30 days- that means you can keep them and try them for a whole month!)!

They have a wide selection, and when asked what was one thing you’d be sure to tell a new-to-cloth-diapers-parent, Liz (one of their super informative, friendly, and helpful employees), had this to say:

Go to a cloth diaper store in person and touch and see the diapers. You will learn in ten minutes at a store what would take hours of research online to figure out.

And she’s totally right! When I was there, I watched them interact with a new mom for over an hour… answering all of her questions. And then sending her off with a variety of brands and styles. That way she could try them out and see what she likes and what she doesn’t. And then she could come back and they’d set up her stash with what she’d learned about them. Plus, she had the added benefit of hearing what some other veteran cloth diaper-ers had to say about what they like and dislike about things. (All Things Cloth also offers a ton of different classes -from babywearing and cloth diapering to a family music class and much more! They also have a weekly coffee time for cloth diapering families! How awesome is that?!)

Those that know me, know that I have a love of turtles, and I found this super cute diaper (Softbums echo) in their store and it has since become a favorite. Not only is the design (turtles, alligators, lizards, frogs… and the saying later, gator!) super cute, but it is the softest diaper I have ever felt! Plus this is definitely the trimest (most form fitting) diaper I have! Did I mention the softness? Soft enough, that I plan to go back and get another one of these diapers! (And right now they have limited edition prints!)

See? Cute, right?

Think laundering will be disgusting and difficult? I bet you’d be pleasantly surprised by the ease of it all. In fact, there are even disposable liners that you can put in a diaper (like for an older baby who is eating some solids and has a “regular” time of day) and then just toss in the toilet. There is a handy little sprayer that you can (easily) attach right to your toilet as well that knocks it all off. And that’s only necessary once they’re eating solids. ALL diapers of an exclusively breastfed baby can be tossed right in the laundry. It’s as simple as this: Run rinse cycle. Run hot wash/cold rinse. Run rinse cycle again. Or you may be surprised to find that there a tons of cloth diaper services out there that will do your laundry for you! (And you can still save while doing this! Seriously! All Things Cloth has the best service! They are more affordable and their practices are unparalleled in the diaper service industry!)

So, why should you choose cloth? Here are my top five reasons that motivated us to try, and stick with, cloth diapers:

Money. For what 2-3 months of disposables would cost, I covered a year’s worth of his diaper needs. (They say on average you will spent over $2,500 on disposable diapers per child. Compare that with the $200 I’ve spent on diapers and diapering supplies) All Things Diapers has a wonderful page with the breakdown of how much you save, where, and why. (Worth the look!)
Health. Just like we’re conscious about what we put in our bodies, we want to be intentional with what we’re putting on our bodies. Especially since all things you put on your skin have the potential to get into your blood stream. (I had a wake up call when looking at the products they suggest you forgo when pregnant for this reason. I figured if they weren’t good for a baby growing in you, they’re probably not great for you, either And this isn’t like your facewash you use once or twice a day, this is something they’re in, on their skin all day and all night!.). Miss E got really bad chemical burns from the chemicals in diapers. (Yes, chemicals.) This completely eliminates the chemical rashes that are so common with disposable diapers.
Environment. I’m not going to get all green on you. But let’s just say that scientists believe it to take over 500 years for a disposable diaper to degrade. And think about how many diapers babies go through before potty training!
Early potty training! Littlest E has already gone potty on the “big boy potty!”
Resale. Truly! I know this freaks hubbyman out completely, like garage sale underwear. But there is a huge! (and I mean huge!) community of cloth diaper-ers that buy, sell, and trade their diapers. Often for over 50% of what it cost to buy them new! So when Littlest is out of them (which at this rate may be in the next 6 months!), I can sell them! (Which remember that “start up cost”? It’ll mean I diapered my baby for less than a months worth of disposables in the end!)

One of my favorite things about cloth diapering is all the options. Whether it’s that you’re going for your cheapest options or set out to find the cutest diaper possible… it’s there, in large quantities! Another bonus, hubbyman and I try our best to buy local and we believe it does matter where things were made- and there are lots of diapers that are made by what are referred to as WAHMs (work at home moms). The quality is excellent! My favorite WAHM diaper-maker is LetJoy Cloth Diapers. Her diapers are so cute, and her liners are more absorbent than most of my mass manufactured ones! Seriously, she tested her overnight liner, and it held over a cup 1/2 of water! In fact, I often use it on diapers other than hers, because it is so absorbent- I love it so much! Not only does she have a growing inventory but she can do made-to-order as well, like Littlest E’s super cute (and hubbyman’s favorite):

She is one talented lady! I also have really cute (turtle, what else?!) flannel wipes that she made as well! And when Miss E saw Littlest E in his Viking diaper, she insisted that I call LetJoy Diapers right away and ask her to make her a Viking pull up! We’d tried to do cloth for her night time pull up (that she’s -thankfully- needing less and less) but she HATED it and refused to wear it, so we were thrilled to have a cloth option for her! That project is currently underway, but I assure you, as soon as it’s on her little bum, I’ll post a picture (I’m sure the teenage version of Miss E will be so glad I did!). Another really awesome thing about LetJoy Cloth Diapers and All Things Diapers is that their facebook pages include lots and lots of helpful Q&A! So be sure to check them out and “like” their pages (and feel free to tell them I told you all about them!). They’re constantly adding helpful information, and if you have any questions- they are always answered in a timely manner!

There are so many options, there’s bound to be one that’s right for you and your baby! And if you have questions, there is a multitude of places to find those answers! You are always welcome to ask yours truly, but there is a number of other places as well. I have found a wonderful community in all the on-line and facebook groups. A new favorite? Forever Fluff! It’s a new group for cloth diapering parents. A safe place to buy, sell, or trade your new and/or used “fluff” (what cloth diaper users commonly refer to their diapers as). A place a surround yourself with like-minded parenting! It’s still in it’s beginning stages, but soon it will be full blown up and running! It will include lots of helpful Q&A about a variety of topics (not limited to cloth diapers, but of course it will be a frequent topic!), reviews on a variety of brands and styles by mom’s who’ve used them, as well as a blog with real moms talking about real issues in their lives, parenting, and diapering! If you’re a fellow cloth diaper-er, t’s definitely going to be something you’ll want to be a part of! So go ahead and shoot them an e-mail and join us! And tell them I sent you!!

Want a really quick overview of types/styles of diapers? And hear one new mom’s story of how she went from disposables to cloth, watch this video from CBS’s early show!

Life According To Me

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Inventive Parenting

by motherofwonder

(Things You Should Say To Parents…With More than One)

You think you know what parenting will be like before parents, and you think you’ve got it all figured out while loving on that newborn in the hospital. And then you go home. Reality sets in. This baby cries more/eats more/needs more diaper changes/is awake at night, more than you ever thought possible. And that’s just the easy stuff. You muddle through, then you have baby number two and begin to repeat the process. And it doesn’t work. Sound familiar to anyone?

Our first was really terrific. The best labor/birth out of my three. He never cried. People used to pretend to teach him what a cry sounded like, because he obviously didn’t know how to do it. Slept through the night at about 2 weeks. Ate all the time. This boy liked to eat. But while the first couple days were painful and a learning process, we quickly corrected his latch and had smooth sailing in the nursing department. Enter peanut #2. Every night she would cry for hours, no matter what I did… I felt so helpless. And so unprepared. Eventually I realized that I was treating her the way her older brother had wanted/needed to be treated, but this little girl needing something entirely different. She was picky about the way she was held and how she was laid down. It turned out she needed a couple weeks of chiropractor visits, but in general, she still needs to be parented different than her older brother. And our youngest was an entirely different baby too. He hated to be in a wet diaper. No matter how tiny the amount of wetness. He’d cry and fuss, you’d change him, and he’d be back to being a happy camper. And while the first two were what I refer to as “add water and stir” kind of babies (meaning if they were a little cranky, toss them in the water and stir and they’d be fine!), number 3 hated bath time for at least the first 9 months.

Now that they’re no longer babies, there’s a whole other level of parenting to be discovered. One thing is for sure, parenting is not a one-size-fits-all kind of a deal. You have to invent yourself as a parent with every child you have. Big E craves freedom to roam and wander. Miss E craves reassurance- that you’re still there, that she’s behaving herself, that she’s doing things right. And Littlest, well, we’re still learning, but rest assuredly, it will be something entirely different than his siblings.

Family Life According To Me Things You Should Say

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Ain’t that a kick in the head

by motherofwonder

Lately, I’ve been wondering something. Well, lots of things, but this is in the top ten, I’d say. Is it possible for me to say how I feel and what I believe, to people that feel and/or believe differently, without judging them? I think it is.

I feel like I have two main pieces of advice that I usually give to my friends when they become mommies: 1) No matter what anyone says, YOU will know YOUR baby better than ANYONE else does. 2) Risks and benefits. Before doing something or deciding something when it comes to your child’s health and well-being, ask yourself, what are the risks and what can I live with? We all want what’s best for our children. I found myself asking this question (to myself) frequently when my oldest was a newborn (especially at the Dr’s!), when faced with a choice, whether it be to breastfeed or bottle feed, or to CIO or not, or to let the kids play outside vs watching TV…big and little!

Here is a shortlist of things I believe/practice/do/whatever in my parenthood. Yours may be different, yours may be the same… we each have to live with the results. And I say that without insinuating that my results will be better, or worse, than yours. (Because obviously mine will be better. Kidding, kidding.)

I use cloth diapers on Littlest E, and for various (valid!) reasons I didn’t with the older two, even though we talked about it and thought about it. While I totally love it, I only bought enough for about a week, so by the time we’re to the weekend, he’s in disposables, which is of course when we usually see people, and so I get asked about if we’re still using them all the time. I’ve been meaning to buy more for months, but just keep forgetting! (And maybe at this point I’m just wishfully thinking that he may not need them for too much longer!) It’s sooo much cheaper (key selling point to hubbyman). Plus less waste, which is something of importance to us, as a family. We’re not super hippyfied, just kinda straggling along the edges.
I don’t think I’ve ever posted anything about this in here, but we didn’t use CIO (cry it out) methods for our children (under one)… although sometimes in the middle of the night, it is occasionally temping. There are various reasons for our choice in this, but none of them really matter because our children are stubborn! Biggest E would cry until he threw up and then cry some more… there was so crying that child to sleep. Road trips were not fun. Miss E you could lay her down, and just pat her back gently and she’d fall asleep very quickly (she’s still that way). Littlest E as a newborn could be laid down sleepy after a feeding and would go quickly to sleep. Occasionally he’s still willing to do this. Now he likes to eat and then just snuggle for a few minutes. It normally doesn’t take him long to go down. That’s just the way my children are. Because of how close in age the older two are, when Miss E was born Big E had a hard time. He was used to mommy putting him to sleep, but that wasn’t really an option since it was prime feeding time for the new baby. Therefore Daddy took on that job. And Big E did not appreciate it, for months. Man he would cry… for a loooong time. At least it felt that way to the mama listening in the other room, generally crying along with him. But he was being held by his daddy, so I’m not sure where that falls on the “crying it out” spectrum.
Breastfeeding. As the daughter of a lactation consultant (among many other mother/baby licensures) I have been exposed to it my whole life, and I never really knew there was any sort of stigma surrounding it. Growing up, I always found it odd when that wasn’t how babies were fed, because that was all I knew. Plus, it truly saved my brother’s life. Drs said that without it, he never would have survived his serious illnesses he suffered as a newborn. And for me, with a few short breaks in between, I have been nursing for the better part of the last 4 1/2 years. That’s a long time. While I’m ready for the freedom that will come with littlest E’s gradual and eventual weening, I know that I will be sad. But at least I’ve reduced my risk of breast cancer by over half! Not to mention all the other health benefits for me and baby (like reduced rate of SIDS -over 50%, reduced rates of asthma, allergies, and obesity…the list goes on). Plus the bmilk changes as your baby grows, so that it has what your baby needs at all steps. Nothing man-made can come close to that. Plus, God designed it, and I kind of think that He knew what He was doing. But that’s just me. Nobody can ever tell me I don’t know how hard it can be, because I totally get it. From poor latches, to thrush, to double infections, to having to pump exclusively to having to hand express, to an overnight change in milk supply (loss)… I’ve been there, done that. No fun, but to me, it’s worthwhile.
I fed on-demand. If baby was hungry, baby would get fed. It seems so simple and obvious, but to some it’s not. That does not mean that baby gets fed with every fuss. They have other wants and needs too! Littlest E hated to have a wet diaper and would immediately stop fussing as soon as it would be changed. Big E, he always just wanted to be cuddled. Miss E, she just wanted to be where she could see everything going on. Thankfully feedings (because they are so physically demanding) get more spaced out as they grow, because the ever 1-2 hrs that a newborn needs can be exhausting! And did you know that when you’re measuring the time since your last feeding you measure from when you last STARTED feeding and not when the feeding ended? Like I said, it can be exhausting. Those first few months I always felt very “touch overwhelmed.” Not everyone feels this way, but I have come across lots of other mothers that do. As far as on demand feeding goes, I will say this, a growth spurt goes WAY faster if you feed on demand vs. scheduled. It can be over in a couple days vs. a week (or more). I’ve witnessed the difference!
Breastfeeding in public. I’m a fan. I do it. I think it should be done so that more people can be exposed to it. That said, I wear nursing friendly clothing when I’m in public during a feeding session. I am not offended by the women who throw care to the wind and bare all (she has the right to feed her child how she chooses), that said, I’m not that woman. I’ve had enough practice now that I’ve had lots of strangers walk up to me to get a look at one of my chubby-faced babies only to realize (after a conversation) that I’d been nursing the whole time.
I never implemented a schedule. That said, we do develop routines. Personally, I think everyone benefits from a routine, it’s when you have a hard and fast schedule with no flexibility that I find I don’t agree with.
I didn’t want any of my kids to watch TV before they were 2 (because this is what’s recommended!)…Big E really didn’t and I think we have that to thank for his big imagination and the way he really loves to just play on his own. Miss E was probably closer to 18 months, just because her brother was older… but really she was over 2 before she even wanted to watch anything. Littlest E, I’m sad to say wants to watch TV now. I try to distract if I’ve let the bigger ones watch something… thankfully he’s still young enough that he’s distractable. That and they all really just love to play, more than they want to sit still.
Food. I believe in not filling my kids up with garbage. While they have had McDonald’s (which they really only like for the playland) we are teaching them about the importance of what we put into our body. Their favorite weekly activity? The farmer’s market. Really. They love fresh fruits and vegetables. Big E loves (and will request!) spinach, and both he and Miss E love broccoli. Hubbyman and I believe in living our lives with intention, and we believe that should include the things we eat (not to mention the health benefits or how we just plain ‘ol feel better when we eat that way!), and we believe that should be passed down to the kids.
Discipline. I do not like spanking. In general, not just with my children. But I am not a believer that no spanking has to mean no discipline. My children have been spanked, but it is very few and very far between. Actually, I’m not sure when the last time was… anyhow. For me, discipline needs to be consistent and fair and AGE APPROPRIATE (I cannot stress that enough). For Big E, he needs a quiet space to settle down. He’s been this way since he was really, really little. I don’t shut his door, but tell him he’s going to have some settle down time (after talking about whatever attitude or action he’s needing to have settle down time for). He either a) falls asleep, b) calms down and comes out saying, “I’m ready to be happy now!” or c) calms down and begins to play quietly on his own. I’m ok with all these options. Miss E is an entirely different story. If stuck in her room you’d have to shut the door (or she’d never stay put without you physically holding her there) and she would scream the whole time, no matter the length, and still be just as worked up when you get her out as when you put her in. What she requires is about 3 minutes of one-on-one time. Tell her why her behavior is unacceptable, tell her what you expect, hug and kiss her and she’s good to go. I have yet to develop a routine with Littlest one, but his time will come too. *Sigh*

I’m sure there’s more but I’m on a timeline, and I may be getting behind… Please know I don’t mean this as a judgement on the way YOU do things, nor am I telling you this is how you need to do things. It’s more or less just me sharing my reason for doing things the way I do, you know, in case you were wondering. (*Wink*) And to show you that even with all my feelings and beliefs on various aspects of parenting, there has to be some wiggle room because each child will keep you guessing, as they are each unique. Whether you have one or twenty-two (God help you if you have 22!). And you know, to show that I can be me, and you can be you… and we’ll focus on the things we do have in common! Motherhood and parenthood, and really life in general, is hard enough without having to justify your every move and decision to the rest of the people around you!

Family Life According To Me

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The New Accessory?

by motherofwonder

When you were a little girl (or a little boy), did you ever sit and daydream about the days to come where you’d be in the midst of parental joys? And then your mind would wander to the days when you’d be judged for every choice you make in your parenting career? No? Huh, me either. Did you know that you would be looked down on based on your level of success over some things that are beyond your control? Or even for things that are “normal” for whatever age your child is? I had no idea. There should be a pre-requisite, crash-course for new parents on “How To Survive Judgement Day, Everyday.” Especially since, “How To Properly Judge Other Parents and Their Sub Par Children,” is already being offered.

A baby that still gets up in the night? A 2 year old that throws the occasional temper tantrum when about to be separated from you? A 4 year old that loves to run wild and investigate every inch of anything that could possibly make them dirty? *Gasp* What horrible parenting choices you’ve made that have brought you to that point! Nevermind the fact that each of these things are developmentally normal, your children should be above that. It leaves me wondering if carrying around children has replaced the miniature animals in the latest accessory craze. Today’s children are molded into adult life, instead of the adult’s life being molded around the child’s. Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying that you do anything and everything your child requests, and that your life is suddenly completely over while you live out theirs. But when did it become acceptable to let your newborn go hungry just because it wasn’t on your schedule? Or to plop your toddler in front of the TV for HOURS so that you can catch up on whatever it is you would rather be doing than keeping a toddler out of trouble. Or to feed your children soda and chips because you don’t feel like making them an actual meal? I’m not saying that there’s never any exceptions or that parents don’t deserve a break, because sometimes you do have to fit them into the day’s schedule. But come on! I just cannot fathom why people try to have children, and then fail to actually treat them like children. Your newborn is going to need to eat all the time, even at night. Past 6 months. Yes, there are ways around it, and children are highly adaptable. That does not, however, mean that is what’s best for your child. And yes, breastfeeding is best, even though it’s not always seen as easiest, because it is more physically demanding. Is it always easiest for you to pump away you lunch break? No, it’s not. (And pumping isn’t a whole lotta fun, either.) Is it still what’s best? Yes. Is it more time consuming to teach my children to play and actually play with my children and foster their imaginations (than to let PBS do it for me)? Probably. Is it better for them? Of course. Would I be more likely to obtain my dream of a perfectly groomed home? Obviously.

How is it that parents are so quick to forget that their babies are just that? And instead expect full nights of sleep along with full days of cooperation. These are not adults in child form, these are children. When did we lose sight of that? I feel like a minority in my belief that while they obviously need parenting, children are children, and should be treated as such. Even if (and when) it means that it’s not what is most convenient for me.

I’d ask my children how they feel about this, but the three of them are currently busy playing my electric piano’s sound effects and developing a story line around them, while building a city to go along with it.

Family Life According To Me

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Young & Fun VS Old & Cranky

by motherofwonder

I am young and fun! Ha! I may look younger than my age, and for that I’m grateful. Most of the time. It’s this weird contradiction where I’m sad and slightly offended if I’m not carded for my glass of wine at dinner, but I’m also slightly offended when people insinuate I’m not old enough to have children, or at least don’t look old enough to have children. Such is the story I encountered today.

We live a little less than a half mile form our local chain grocery store (or grocery shop as my children call it), and about 3/4 of a mile from our local natural health food store- therefore we walk to them, probably about once a week. Well, hubbyman and I have decided we want to add more raw foods into our diet, and what better time to start than summer?! So I loaded up the kids and headed out.

I’ve talked about people’s thoughtlessness before (and outright rudeness as well), and thankfully today I had my wits about me, and was ready to turn this woman’s pettiness into my own form of amusement. To start with, as we wandered around the store, I was asked twice (by employees), are they all yours?! (No, I like to pick up children along my route and take them grocery shopping, just to see if I can survive it.) Then I was given the run down on why was I buying gluten free, and how people shouldn’t go gluten free just as a fad diet. I insisted that my daughter had to eat gluten free, and it was likely our whole family has gluten intolerances, as we all feel so much better from the change, can notice a difference when we do have it, and Celiac runs in both sides of the family. Ok, so I didn’t say all of that, but I did tell him that I really beneficial for our whole family. And this man just kept going! At least he was a customer and not part of the store (for the store’s sake). But he just kept going on about how “young people today just glom onto whatever latest fad and food trend there is without thinking or researching anything out for themselves.” I’ve never been berated over buying candy for the kids,but gluten free, apparently that really gets people riled… And then as I stood in the checkout line, the Bigger E children were standing with their arms wrapped around my legs, due to the ridiculous amount of strangers talking to us, the last dose of ageism occurred.

The lady who was working the check out counter, had obviously had a rough morning (or a rough life, I’m not sure). You could see it in her face as much as in her demeanor. She was not going to be the highlight of my day, or at least so I thought! As I waddled to the register with the kids clinging to my legs, and littlest E in the cart, clinging to my shirt, the lady gave me one of those wide-eyed-with-arched-brows kinda looks, where you just know some lovely comment is about to spew out of her mouth.

Aren’t you a little young to have a baby?

At first I’m appropriately taken aback, quickly followed by thinking up a hundred different “Aren’t you a little old to…” zingers. I had to bite back the words when I thought to myself, I’d rather be young and fun than old and cranky! But what I did say, with a laugh, was this: I am. Don’t tell my husband, or my other two kids. She looked a little shocked and a little horrified, and completely speechless. Biggest E began to protest at this point (which I think only led to more shock on her part, judging by the look on her face. Which was either due to Biggest E’s age or maybe she actually realized how offensive what she said was. That’s what I’m hoping.), he loudly declared, “You ARE old enough to have a baby!” At this point I grabbed my groceries, and said with a smile and a chuckle (and possibly an eye roll), “Well, have a good day!”

As we left the store, Miss E asked, “Why did that lady say that you are not big enough to be *LittlestE’s* mommy?” I really wanted to respond with, Well, she’s not young and fun like your mommy, she’s just old and cranky. But I knew that wasn’t the road I wanted to go down with her (or she’d probably be saying those words to me tomorrow!). So I told my girl what I believe to be the truth: “I don’t think she was having a very good day, and sometimes people say things that aren’t very nice when they’re feeling cranky.” Biggest E pipes up with, “Like when you’re grumpy?” I nod, yes. At which point he starts singing, “Shake, shake your grumps away, shake, shake your grumps away…” And Miss E (who’s shaking her grumps away along with Biggest E) adds, “We should show the lady how to shake her grumps away. You know, with shaking her booty.” I’m pretty sure had that lady witnessed this conversation, her grumps would have been shaken away. I know mine were.

Family Life According To Me

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Thankful Friday

by motherofwonder

Sometimes I think I can get a little too stuck in this, “Well, this is just how my life is, right now…” mentality instead of: Look at how great my life is! I mean I’m always tired (last night I was up with kids until after 3:30am and then they got up at 7:30 this morning!), I’m always hungry (I’m nursing and chasing the kids- constantly! It’s always one or the other!). And I’m always behind on 3 things: laundry, dusting, and showering. Sometimes I get so caught up in all the things I’m doing, I forget the wonderment of it all. And so today, (actually I’m thinking of making every Friday, Thankful Friday, where I take a moment to acknowledge all the good things I have in my life) I am taking at least these few moments to commemorate the things in my life that give me lots of love, laughs, and joy:

1. Littlest E has the silliest, goofiest laugh… and he shares it almost every time I look at him. Plus, he’s a hugger. Really. Always has been. Throws his arms around you and squeezes. Heart melting.

2. Our puppy (who just celebrated his first birthday!) is such a good boy. Seriously. He’s a lab, who gets tired out after playing fetch for like 5 throws. He’d really rather spend his day cuddled with one of the kids. Or napping next to where they play. Seriously, he is that big of a sweetheart, and that much of a big ‘ol baby. Love him!

3. Hubbyman has been making a big effort to be more present in his time at home. Playing with the kids (without the distraction of a project in the background) and in doing things (like the dishes!!) around the house, on a daily basis. I am so thankful for the partner he is- in our marriage and as a co-parent.

4. After always thinking that I didn’t really have a preference about having a daughter, I find I enjoy having one more and more each and every day. She is a girl who knows what she wants and she will either melt your heart or break it to get it! And I love that about her! She is my sweetie pie that would gladly sit by my side as I cook or clean and just keep me company and entertained with her chatter.

5. My oldest is growing by leaps and bounds, it always amazes me the things he understands more and more on a daily basis! He’s currently obsessed with lying and telling the truth. The whole truth and nothing but the truth. If you ask him to tell him the truth (if you know he’s not giving you the whole story- and you have to specifically say, “Tell me the truth.”), he will. Begrudgingly, but he will. And he will not tolerate you telling him something that he knows to not be the truth. He may have a black and white view point, much like his father. He is also a sweetheart of a boy, who LOVES to give kisses and bear hugs. Truly. He’s not happy unless he’s hugged you hard enough to knock you on your bee-hind.

6. I have wonderful friends. Seriously. They totally rock. And I lived with one of my bffs for a month and a half this summer. And I love her more than ever. That’s how cool my friends are. Another friend came for a 2 week visit that he had to drive cross-country for! And we loved every minute of it! You know how sometimes by the end of a visit you’re like, “Get gone already!” This was not that way. We try almost daily to get him back here! And that’s just two examples! We are blessed with long time friends as well as newly made ones. They do our lives good- as a couple, as a family, and as individuals.

7. I find it totally amazing to witness the firsts of my children. First words, first steps, first time they see fireworks and point and “ooohh” and “aaahhhh” over every single one (Seriously, Littlest E truly did that). Total wonderment over the joy I feel in getting to be a part of their little lives.

8. I am 5lbs away from what I weighed in high school. Did I mention I’ve had 3 children in the last 4 years? I’m pretty proud of myself. No, maybe everything doesn’t fit or sit the same as it did back then, but I have earned every curve of my body, and I’m (learning!) accepting them.

9. I love the amount of laughter that goes on in my household. I am continually thankful for their sweet giggles amongst each other, and the ones they share with me. I am thankful for the way my husband and I can laugh together- and at each other, as much as at ourselves. Even the biggest hurts can feel manageable if you can intertwine laughter into the equation.

10. I am so appreciate to have this space. To have a place where I can say what I think and write how I feel. It’s empowering, liberating, and equal parts confusing…hey! I’m still learning! I feel more me, as an individual, when I can be open and honest about life, love, children, parenting… and living. Plus, where else would you find fabulous dinner ideas?! (*giggle, grin, and eye roll* yes, I even roll my eyes at my self. But you know, in a thankful, self accepting way)

These are by no means the only things that give my life joy, or in any particular order.I just needed to take a moment and internalize all the wonderment I do have in this crazy, busy, kid-filled life of mine. And to acknowledge that I love it completely, even if, at times, it doesn’t sound like, or feel like, I do.

Family Life According To Me Marriage

The Importance of Being Unimportant

by motherofwonder

I recently read a facebook status of a fellow SAHM (stay at home mom), talking about the fight to remember what you’re doing actually is important, even when it feels like nothing you do really matters. I totally relate. Don’t worry, this doesn’t just apply to in-house-mamas, this is applicable for all walks of life. Don’t we all fall into ruts where we wonder if anyone would really notice if we just stopped showing up? Stopped doing the work? Stopped trying? Admit it. We’ve all had something like that roll across our minds at least once. Sometimes once a day. I’m not saying that all moms, or all people for that matter, feel this way indefinitely, but let’s be really honest– we are a people in constant need of validation and therefore feel that way at least every once in a blue moon.

I certainly get that way, where I feel invisible. Where I wonder what would happen if I stopped doing the dishes, the laundry, or even (*gasp*) cooking! And, honestly, sometimes I will let things slide, just kind of to see what happens… but that only creates more work, and a less-than-happy work environment. (Which would probably be the case for anyone in any job, if you started letting your normal day-to-day slide.) That’s not to say we don’t all deserve a break, because sometimes we need one. There’s just this feeling of no one knows just how much I do, or just how busy I really am. Someone once said, “You’re so lucky you can just eat anything you want.” Well, we really eat pretty healthy, and practice portion control, but also… I am always on the move! I have three children 4 and under! I don’t really have time to lay around!! It made me think of the old cliche, “I am a stay at home mom, therefore I lay around eating bon bons all day.” I think that anyone with children can agree that is not a possibility! First of all because your kids would be getting into major trouble if you were just laying around unaware of their goings-on, and secondly, if you keep bon bons in the house, the kids will have sniffed them out and eaten them while you were laying around, so you’d go to the box and it’d be empty.

Yes, there is pride in a job well done. At home, at work, or at play. There is satisfaction in knowing that I am the one raising my children, that I am the one witnessing all their firsts, that I am the one they come running to no matter who else is available, because Mommy has always been the one that has been there to take care of them. There is also validation in hearing friends and family say that when they have kids, they’re just going to send them to live with me. Because they know I love it, I enjoy it, and I work hard to raise them as best as I can. I really do strive to raise children who thrived because of their upbringing instead of just having survived it. But it’s a lot of work, and you don’t always see the affects until years down the road. At least not the full affect. So the little-in-the-moment-times can make you feel like it’s unimportant. (Maybe it’s that way in your job as well. Maybe you are responsible for an inch of a mile long project. But what would that mile be, without that one inch?) As a stay at home mom it can even feel as though you’re not making a “real” contribution to society. But in the end, what better contribution could I ever give, than a generation of thoughtful, caring, concerned, responsible, respectful, respectable, level headed (or as much as they can be- they are my children!) adults who will be leading the future?? That sounds pretty important to me.

"Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, Nothing is going to get better. It's not." Dr. Seuss in the book The Lorax

Family Life According To Me

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Faith Of A Boy

by motherofwonder

Life with children can be a crazy thing. It’s so easy to get lost in the day to day that we forget to see the big picture. And I am certainly guilty of failing to see things from their point of view, and not realizing just how much they take it and are aware of. Today I had a moment of clarity in a discussion with the biggest E.

We try and teach out children about God and His love for us, but we don’t always know how much of it “soaks in”, let alone how much they understand. I am here to tell you it is far greater than we think. We incorporate Biblical principals and stories throughout their days along with prayers, hoping that things will take hold. I’m not sure there’s an exact science to it or an exact age where things suddenly “make sense.” What I do know is that their faith is an amazing thing to behold. Something we should all strive after, just as the Scriptures say.

I was busy trying to reestablish some sense of organization to their bedrooms and playroom when I heard biggest E singing, “I promise God, I promise God, I promise God…” over and over. I asked him what it was that he was promising to God. He said, it’s that song we heard all those people singing about. At church last Sunday they did a snippet from their Easter play, with Jesus entering into Jerusalem, for Palm Sunday. It was very moving and through all the people and all the singing, you could feel the excitement and anticipation people must’ve felt, waiting for Jesus to arrive and bring the prophecy to fruition. It was so moving, it brought me to tears. It was also filled with (real!) animals- goats, a donkey, chickens, rabbits, so I was surprised that he had captured anything other than a petting zoo. But that wasn’t even the best part of the conversation!

He then asked me, “Does Daddy know that Jesus is bigger than him?” Yes, Daddy knows. “Well, why does Daddy always pray for God to come to the places we are?” Well, sometimes we need God’s help and so we ask Him to come and help us. “But God always just stays with us because we always just need help. Just like when I pick up my toys. But I never have seen Him much putting away my toys.”

And it’s just as simple, and complex as that.

Family Life According To Me

Blessings Abundant

by motherofwonder

Ok, so I started out by doing a “know your blogger” survey, but I felt like you knew nothing more than my pets’ names afterwards. So then I started going back and forth on ways to tell you about me… but I’ve decided that I’ll share myself as posts continue, and so this post is really just what’s on my heart right now.

Blessed: my life has been more blessed than I ever dreamed it could be. Not in ways you might see just to look at my family and I, but trust me it’s there. We all know people who just seem to be “lucky” -always getting the promotion, winning the prize, finding the lost treasure, and while we are so happy for them- we don’t fit in that category ourselves. Thankfully my husband loves a good fight, because over the course of our marriage we’ve had lots of those. Not with each other (well, maybe some of those too) but with people and companies we’ve dealt with. It’s kind of the if-it-can-go-wrong-it-will kind of thing. We’ve got oodles of that. Important thing in the mail… it’ll get lost at least twice. And then sent to the wrong address. Cancel an account. They’ll continue billing us for MONTHS without ever sending a notice. Even after we’ve called multiple times. These kinds of things have become the norm for us. So if you’re wondering where the luck or the blessings happen… I am too. Ok, that’s not entirely true. We’ve been blessed with each other in our marriage, we’ve been blessed with our children. We have family and friends who are blessings and bless us frequently. Maybe we’ve always known that we were blessed in those departments, but this last year we have had out eyes open to just how lucky we are.

I’ve always wanted kids. For as long as I can remember. The kind of person who you know probably within minutes that I adore children and would have as many as hubbyman could handle. That’s not to say that I didn’t have a period of time (but not more the few years in between high school ending, going to college, and getting married) where I thought a career was on the forefront of my life’s horizon. And then I got married. And all of the sudden it was like everywhere I looked there were babies. And I wanted one. Bad. Hubby tried to keep those feelings pacified by getting a pet. But he was on nights and I worked days, so we got a cat… turns out it didn’t help. In fact, it kinda backfired. So during his deployment in Japan, and probably out of loneliness, he agreed to try for a baby when he got home. We had a very short time line. Obviously that wasn’t a problem. We knew I was pregnant in less than 4 weeks from him coming home.

Pregnancy, for me, unfortunately, wasn’t the dream I’d envisioned. Instead of “pregnancy glow” I had IVs keeping me hydrated because I was so sick and couldn’t keep anything down. Hubbyman says I smelled like I had applesauce coming out of my pores. I probably did. It was pretty much the only thing I’d eat because it was the easiest in reverse. And that was all 9 months. With all of my children. It’s a blast. Needless to say, for me, they’re more like 9 months of guilt for not being all happy and glowy. But the birth… well, let’s just say I’d rather give birth than to feel the way I feel all 9 months of pregnancy! Biggest E’s birth was amazing. I was so proud. Of him and myself. Miss E’s birth was also good. The Dr’s missed it, but the important people were there and that’s what really counts.

Figuring I’m just saying my children are my biggest blessings? I’m getting there, I promise. (and yes, they are my biggest blessings, but that’s not completely the point) After MissE, hubbyman felt like he was done having children. After all, as pretty much everyone we came in contact with would point out, we had one of each, why would we want anymore? While I always assumed I’d have kids, I never really thought of a number. Since Big E and Miss E are only 18 months apart, the early months/years were… well, the first couple months were a struggle. Just as I started thinking that maybe I was content with just two, I had a miscarriage. I’d only had an inkling that I could be pregnant, when it was over. I was so, so very devastated. And it was then that both hubbyman and I knew that we would have at least one more. While we had no idea it would be so soon after, we knew it would be eventual. 4 short months later, we knew we had Littlest E on on the way. I was a nervous wreck. I just had this feeling that I couldn’t shake and assumed it was because of the way my last pregnancy had ended. By 8 weeks we knew that where the umbilical cord inserted into the placenta was not centered like it’s “supposed” to be, but was on the top of it, over a placental lake (or a pool of blood in real people terms). By 20 weeks we knew that he was very small. 13th percentile small, 5 weeks behind my very accurate dates small. By 24 weeks he was now a week AHEAD of schedule. And while that was a relief, I still had that nagging feeling. My midwife was so nonchalant that even when I brought my mom (who is an OB RN, a doula, lactation consultant, parent educator, and infant massage instructor….you get the picture) along on a visit to ask questions, Mom was satisfied as well. Let’s fast forward through the rest of the pregnancy, the rest of the midwife visits, and ultrasounds I had. But let’s pause just to mention that they wanted to do frequent observations, but still continued to tell me there was nothing to worry about. Riiight. Like any woman can really know something COULD be wrong and not worry about it… it’s pretty much engrained in our DNA that we’re going to worry. So worry I did. But I also prayed. I prayed more in those 9 months than I have my entirely life previously combined. And I’m a prayer.

Enter his birth. (11 days early instead of the 10 days overdue like his siblings) We get settled in the room and I’m about to jump in the shower or go for a walk when the nurses start freaking out, because they’ve FINALLY gotten ahold of my charts. And right there in black and white it says that his umbilical cord is only attached by 20%!! Twenty freakin’ percent! Are you kidding me?! Apparently that was something they didn’t think I needed to know. Like the fact that I should have been on bedrest the whole time and not MOVING and lifting and emptying boxes! UGH!!! Obviously, it still makes me a little angry… Unfortunately, it doesn’t end there. After hours more of labor since I was now stuck in bed and not “allowed” to move around or walk or anything else that helps both labor’s progression and natural pain therapy and with them awaiting a C-section (because of the insertion the fear was that it would become unattached when my water broke and he would essentially bleed out). Ethan entered this world (and not via Csection, thank you very much Dr. do-it-my-way). Pink and screaming and very healthy… tiny (less than 6 pounds…3 pounds less than Biggest E!), but healthy. And then came the placenta. The umbilical cord was NOT attached. I repeat, not attached. It had some veins coming out of it that had hooked on to either side of the top of the placenta with the middle of the placenta crumbling. Between my mom and my grandma they have over 50 years of OB nursing between them and they have NEVER seen a baby born with a 0% insertion, because they just don’t survive in utero. In fact, they sent it to pathology to study. (Starting to get the picture?) Medically speaking, there is no reason why he had that growth spurt and then continued to survive. Unfortunately, our adventure did not end there. Even though they knew my placenta had not been whole… they didn’t check for more pieces, or watch my bleeding. Even after I’d repeatedly told my nurse that I’d never had this much bleeding with either of my other children, let alone the fruit sized blood clots. FOR HOURS. Until I could no longer even sit up without passing out (over 4 hours later) did they even ask a Dr to come and consult. Unfortunately, he had a laboring patient down the hall and didn’t want to take the time for a proper DNC (which means going to another floor for operating and putting me under)… so without doing that he decided to just do it in my room, for an hour… using various painful techniques trying to pull the little pieces of my placenta off my uterus. After reaching the point I could not take anymore and having already told him so, repeatedly, only to have him make comments referencing my apparent pain intolerance. Telling me that if I would just settle down he’d be able to do it, how it was no big deal, not a painful procedure, among various other insults. I said all of my labors have been well over 12 hours and all of them have been without any form of pain medication. I know and can handle pain, thank you very much… and while I am willing to endure it for my babies, I am not willing to for you. Finally, at 3 in the morning, they had to take me up to surgery to have an emergency DNC done. While it means I was bleeding for a very long time, it also meant that my little peanut had more time to eat! And eat that boy did! Thankfully my milk supply was already pretty much in (I could hear the big gulps and see the milk on his face)… that’s probably a big part of why he was able to thrive so well. So…that awful night (unfortunately there was more awfulness that occurred, but I just highlighted the most important) and 2 blood transfusions later… we were both alive.

So…long story short…or long story, shorter than whole long story, but still long… After hubbyman had his vasectomy (for multiple reasons but a top one being that after all my in-room specials I’m left with holes and scars and would likely have a very hard time maintaining pregnancies. So the vasectomy was our way of making it our choice, and not something that was taken from us.) he and I got to enjoy some quiet time without “the big kids’ while he was recovering. And during a conversation he asked, “When is our lucky break?” Suddenly, I felt the knowledge welling within me. Not that I believe God gives us “bad luck” or anything like that, but I know, for us, Littlest E is our luck, all rolled in one. He was, and is, our miracle. And we would not trade all the bad luck, or hard times, or long, obnoxious phone calls for him. Ever. He is our lucky break. He is God saying, even among the rest of the crap you have deal with in this life, I’m still here. Thinking of you and protecting you. And He knows the important stuff. He knows me. He knows that on a daily basis I will look at my son and think of the miracle and the blessing he is, which in turn makes me think of the miracle and blessings Big E and Middle E are to my life. And my hubbyman. And our parents, and siblings… and all the REAL blessings our life contains. No matter how long I’ve been on hold to resolve the latest issue.

: Littlest E at 6 months and 20 lbs

*I would also like to add a very special thank you to all our friends and family who kept their thoughts and prayers with us through Littlest E’s pregnancy. (Not to mention all the meals our family and church family provided!) The blessing of it is not lost on our family.

Life According To Me

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