life | laborofwonder

Live To Love Another Day

by motherofwonder

I opened this tab and sat here and stared at the blank screen, willing thoughts and words to come. I stared at the screen some more. I opened another tab. I checked my facebook notifications. Nothing terribly interesting there. Although, it turns out, I am not alone in my enjoyment of the combination of red wine and snickerdoodles. But maybe that’s because they didn’t know that was my dinner. Whoops. (I don’t care.) It turns out, that the emotions I’m feeling, that I’ve been feeling, they’re not fleeting. Apparently I have to deal with them or something lame like that. I spent the majority of the day in tears.

Now I know that I talk of my love of wine and it’s powerful healing and relaxing properties, but the truth is… I’m not a big drinker. I don’t need a glass a day; I don’t even want a glass a day. I certainly enjoy a good glass of wine (my father in law just made a new batch of plum port, and wow, is that good!), but it’s just more of a eh, if it’s here I’d have some, maybe. Unless I have an already cold can of Pepsi, because more likely that yells my name a little louder. And I kind of have a “rule” that I don’t drink before hubbyman gets home. It’s not really a rule, and truthfully, hubbyman wouldn’t care. I just don’t feel like it (I’m still pumping myself full of caffeine to survive until he gets home, I don’t need anything that makes me more tired!), plus I feel like it can be a slippery slope once you go there. However, there have been days when things have happened or bad moods have occured and I’ve texted the hubbyman to say Is it too early to start drinking? To which he always responds, Nope. And then he gets home and finds that I never even poured myself a glass of anything. Or if I did, it just sat there on the counter. Well, yesterday, I poured myself a glass of wine. And while I only had a couple of sips by the time hubby came home, he took one look at the wine on the counter, and immediately looked at me, and asked what was wrong. I shrugged and shook my head. He immediately came over and gave me a hug, and said, last night you cried and today you’re drinking wine… what’s going on? And I couldn’t even respond. The emotions were too fresh, the pain too real. And then he quietly said, You want another baby. And I just cried. I know, we have three children and our oldest is only 5. We are crazy, busy. But I love it. And I love them. And I am not saying that we would actually have another baby, but I would love another one. But that is not an option. And it’s not a choice I get to make.

While I was terribly disappointed that hubbyman had to drop the kids back off after Tae Kwon Do to head back in to work, I was very surprised to see him return with roses, for me. For the second time in a week! (This is unheard of in our household! Truly, unheard of! I asked if this was his way of getting out of paying the higher prices for flowers when it’s Valentine’s Day. He claims he didn’t think about that until after he bought them. I think I believe him.) I’m sure at some point, we’ll probably talk, with words. But for now, the support of him just holding me, of just acknowledging why I’m sad, and showing his love and concern. That’s pretty powerful. The truth is, I don’t know that I’m ready to talk about it. It’s one thing to type it out, but it’s another thing completely to use my own voice, to have to hear those words. I woke up today, and felt…exhausted. Emotionally spent. I’m hoping it’s a step in the right direction, at least.

In the midst of all my grey skies, I am still surrounded by the humor and excitement that is my children. I wish I could have gotten it on video, but I forgot my camera at home… during Madonna’s halftime performance, my MissE (who loves all things dance and singing) was glued to the TV. When the cheerleading part came on, she stood directly in front of the TV, mimicking their moves and even singing along. (And I promise she has never heard that song before.) It was hilarious and amazing all at once. And further proof that we need to get her tiny little behind in a dance class.

And my oldest just informed that I am making him freak out due to how much annoying I’m being… on that note, I think I have some children to annoy, I mean play with.

my dinner... Red Wine and Snickerdoodles

Family Life According To Me Marriage Things Kids Say

7 Comments »

Good (a)n(d) Sad

by motherofwonder

I have a confession to make… everyone I know seems to be pregnant. Or has someone under one in their house. Or talks about wanting to be pregnant. And I’ll admit, with my biggest boy reaching school age years, I’ve had thoughts of how fast they’ve grown and how soon Littlest will leave the Toddler-Baby years, and be a full fledged Toddler-Boy. And gone will be the days of babies in my house and in my arms. No tears had been shed, just a heart, hanging a little heavier. And then yesterday happened. I was way overtired, and the kids were way over-wired. Not a good combination. On the way home, hubbyman and I were talking about people who can’t put aside their own feelings to be happy for other people. Or something along those lines. And I said something about how much time had gone by and moving on in life, and he countered with, I can see you feeling that way. And at first, I was annoyed, because he was wrong. I would never display my emotions so publicly, especially in a way that would take away some of anyone’s happiness. But that’s me, and we all feel differently and express ourselves differently. And I had no right to judge someone for their feelings. (And if I’m really honest, I’ll own that I feel a little guilty about my judgmental thoughts.) After being annoyed for him being wrong, then I just felt sad about him being right. I still hold to the fact that I would not have behaved in the same manner, but he is right in the fact that I would have felt the same way; I just wouldn’t have shown it. But that’s because it’s not my way. My way is passive, my way is to hide and continue on. My way is probably not healthy. Even writing this, I find myself, opening new tabs and looking over things to organize closets on pinterest. And a fabulous sweatshirt that not only would keep me warm, but actually looks cute and not just another jeans and oversized sweatshirt outfit. Because those things are easy and feeling things are hard. And if I’m really honest, I’m afraid once I start feeling things, I won’t know how to stop.

And that’s precisely what happened. I started thinking about why the evening’s incident had rattled me, and what I found surprised me. I expected sadness, but I had not anticipated all the anger. As I think happy thoughts of my friends and family that are carrying their growing babies in their growing bellies (my sister in law is looking so cute as her baby belly is growing and becoming more pronounced and I cannot wait to see my friend as her belly grows as well!), I cannot help but feel a bit… of everything. I feel nostalgic thinking of when I had my biggest boy in my belly, I feel sadness when I think about the baby I did not get to meet, I feel happy when I think of how much I enjoyed my growing belly (even thought I felt miserable) with my girl, I feel anxious when I think about how scared I was during littlest’s pregnancy. And then it finally hits me. I feel angry that I will never experience any of that again. Maybe a better choice of words is that I feel angry that I cannot experience those things again. Maybe explanations are necessary, but just to clear up any misgivings (and should hubbyman happen to be reading this), I am not angry with him. This is not about him being happy with our three, or the fact that he had a vasectomy. This is about the fact that I had that choice taken from me, by a Dr. who was more worried about being able to make his other patients’ birth than the care I was receiving. Is it possible I could carry to term, well, I am the first to admit that miracles happen. But the more likely outcome is that I would lose another pregnancy; I would lose another baby. And I know that enduring another miscarriage would be more than I could handle as I cannot imagine a day where I wouldn’t give everything just to see and hold the baby I never got to know, just for a day, an hour, even just one minute.

I knew these feelings would come. I knew that one day Littlest would be grown enough that I would start to miss the days of newborn things. I knew that one day I would have to face the fact that I cannot carry anymore children, no matter if I were planning on more or not. I knew one day I feel the feelings I am feeling now. Anger, loss, sadness, and more anger. I’ve only allowed myself to think of it as our choice until this point. But now that I’ve gone there, I’m having a hard time gaining my control back. All I can think of is the emotions of getting to tell the people you love that you’re adding another person to the group, the look on hubbyman’s face the first time he feels the baby kick, the look on his face the first time he holds his babies, the first cries, the first kisses, the first hugs. I look at my three sweet babies and it’s not that they are not enough, it is that they are so overwhelmingly wonderful that I can’t help but imagine it would be that way with any number of children we should have. It’s the knowledge of how it could be. And the knowledge of how it can’t. And I didn’t get to make that decision.

I don’t know how to get past that. I don’t know if it’s something I can get past. But when Littlest woke up in the middle of the night, I brought him into bed with me, cuddled him close and whispered sincere prayers of thankfulness. It’s not fair that I don’t get to choose. It’s not. It’s not fair that I have one baby who’ll remain in my heart, but never in my arms. But was it fair that despite all the medical failings, along with my own body, that my littlest boy is here, alive, and so healthy? I don’t know about its fairness, but miraculous, yes, it is that. My boy who they didn’t pay the proper attention to (multiple medical professionals knew that he was not growing properly and that his cord wasn’t inserted by much and yet no information was shared with me, nor was complete bedrest mandated as it should have been, among many other things that accured before and after his birth), my boy that my body couldn’t provide for (his cord wasn’t inserted at all and my placenta was crumbling), my boy that has his sweet, soft, chubby little cheek nestled in my neck. His birth ended in the ending of birthing for me, and obviously I would never trade that for his sweet self. So maybe that’s how I get past it. Maybe that’s what gets me through the anger. I’m still sad. And I still think it’s unfair. But I am thankful that I have my boy out of that whole awful situation. And maybe that is what will get me through. That and probably a few glasses of good wine.

(To read more on the birth of my miraculous Littlest man, go here.)

Family Life According To Me Marriage

10 Comments »

A Good Tired

by motherofwonder

I had lots of plans for cleaning on Saturday, but the day came and went with only the bare minimum attended to. But we enjoyed a surprise visit from my parents (they were on the anniversary date that happened to include dinner in our area and couldn’t resist a quick visit with the grandkids!), lots of playtime and snuggles. This afternoon however, I got to it. And once I started the organizational process, I couldn’t stop myself! I started cleaning my bedroom (yes, dear, *our* bedroom) and ended up cleaning out and reorganizing our closet, cleaning out and organizing our storage space under the stairs, reorganizing the hall closet, and while those may not sound like huge feats, trust me when I say This was a huge feat. 2 goodwill bags, 2 trash bags, 3 bags of baby clothes intended for 3 different families, and it is such a good feeling! Oh, and I reorganized my gift wrapping box (it’s huge, I have everything). And I organized and put away all my sewing and crafting things. I’m pretty pleased with the way things turned out. Our storage space is usable and accessible, our closet is neat and orderly (and there are places for things and things in their places), and I have a laundry basket in our hall closet (linen closet) with hopes of dirty clothes no longer piling up on the bathroom floor. Have I ever mentioned I love organization and organizing? I do. I love finding ways to make things more efficient and simple. Love it.

The best part of all? I found my mother’s necklace (one of those ones that has the kids’ birthstones in it)!! I wanted to have Littlest’s added for Mother’s Day and have been searching (and I mean searching) since a week or so prior to Mother’s Day (you know, back in May). I thought I found the chain it was on in one of the kids’ bedrooms and was heartsick thinking that they must’ve gotten ahold of it, and that it was lost forever. I was so relieved I almost cried! In fact, I’m a little surprised I didn’t. I probably would have it I wasn’t so hopped up on organization.

I still have a full day ahead of me tomorrow (you know how sometimes on the way to clean things become messier?), but for now I am just pleased with the results so far. On that note, anyone want to entertain three little ~~monsters~~ sweethearts while I enjoy my organizing? I will pay you in organization. You name the room and I will organize it.

*Littlest is 18 months today! (*I admit it, I’m writing at midnight this ahead of time and setting it to post tomorrow morning, but it’s just after midnight, so technically I wrote this “today.”*) How on earth did that happen?! I’m pretty sure that yesterday I was just taking Biggest home from the Naval hospital. (Though those feelings may have been a bit of nostalgia due to going through all the baby clothes and preparing to say goodbye to the last of the baby clothes and toys! But seriously, time goes by so fast!) Hold them close, laugh with them often, and teach them the importance of organization and organizational skills.

(I know I’ve used this photo before, but I just don’t care! And seeing how I listened to a good 20 minutes of my children telling me about how far away they intend to live – Ireland!- it seems fitting)

Family Life According To Me

2 Comments »

Season of Thankfulness

by motherofwonder

I can hardly believe we’re just a couple short days away from Christmas! Seems like last week we were still waiting on Thanksgiving! But that’s how it goes every year, isn’t it? And sadly, I missed out on yesterday’s “Simple” post… I seem to have been doing that a lot lately. And if I’m honest, I’ll admit that I sat down to do it, loaded all the necessary photos, and just didn’t feel like it. So the kids and I made another round of sugar cookies instead. And I don’t regret it one bit! But I am hoping to start doing more recipes again! So that’s something you can be looking forward to (or not!). I have pictures and recipes just waiting to be shared! Everything from monkey bread pizza, sugar cookies!, and mug cakes (they take 2 minutes to make! seriously!). And more!! And they’re all gluten free! And soooo delicious! And since today is FRIDAY (duhn, duhn, duhn) and the fact that this is a season where we are bombarded by things to do, things to make, things to buy, things to give, things to get, and people to see… it’s easy to get lost in all of that and forget all the things that are really important during Christmas, and always. Along with being thankful. For friends, family, jobs, homes… here are some things I’m incredibly thankful for!

For a hubby who will have TEN DAYS IN A ROW off!! I’m so excited about this I can hardly contain myself! And my mom said that they’ll take the kids for a day during Christmas break, so we’ll actually get a day together! That’s really something to be thankful for!
For my Christmas present. Yes, I know it’s just a thing, but it’s a wonderful, pasta extruding thing that I’ve been wanting! And hubby was thoughtful enough to think of it and get it for me! (And let me use it before Christmas even! I did have his permission to open it, but I’m not sure how he would’ve stopped me since I was home when the Williams-Sonoma box arrived!)
I take great joy in finding “perfect” gifts for people! I am thankful that I have wonderful, beautiful people in my life to love and appreciate!
I am thankful for my NEPHEW that’s a’growin’ in my sister-in-law’s growing belly!!
I am thankful for the sensitive side of hubbyman that who admitted he’d hoped it was a niece, because he thought it would be fun to have a cute, little niece! (But it will be fun that Littlest with have a cousin close enough to his age that they’ll be playmates!)
I am thankful for surprising the kiddos with the arrival of their cousin and aunt and uncle from China!
I am SO THANKFUL that we got a dusting of snow this week… and that there’s lots coming down now! (please, keep snowing! please, keep snowing!)
I am thankful for every person that stops by here! The ones who read it occasionally, the ones who read it regularly, and even the ones who just skim through. (*ahem*hubbyman*)

And I’m off to go decorate some gingerbread men, snowmen, Christmas trees, dinosaurs, monkeys, elephants, and strawberry-shaped cookies! What you don’t think dinosaurs or strawberry shortcake land berries are Christmasy? Well, you obviously haven’t seen our nativity then!

Merry Christmas, my dears! And may you accept all the love and hugs a little more graciously than my little ones!

Life According To Me

4 Comments »

Give Me A Break

by motherofwonder

TODAYMoms and the people over at Redbook (the magazine) have declared today “No Judgment Day!” (The links will not only take you to their sites, but to their articles about No Judgment Day) It’s all about a day of not judging other moms, as much as not judging yourself! And I tell you what- it couldn’t have come at a better time! Today is day 4 of Miss E and Littlest E having running ~~faucets~~ noses, day 2 of Big E being fevered with a sore throat, and the day I woke up feeling like someone had clawed their way down my throat. So while I was looking around my house thinking all kinds of “judgey“things about myself and trying to find the motivation to make myself crawl around the house getting things done while willing my children to stay whinelessly on the couch while I do so. Neither being very likely. Then I read the No Judgment article. So today, since I likely won’t leave the house, I am giving myself a day free of self-judgement.

TodayMom is asking you to go to their facebook page and answer the question, “Don’t judge me because…’ If you go there, and happen to read my answer- please don’t judge me.

Staying true to theme, here is a short list of things I have decided not to judge myself for today (and I’m hoping that you’ll join me in not judging me for these things!).

I made banana cream pudding for breakfast and the kids are on their second bowl. I really made it because it was what sounded good to me.
While I eyed the laundry in need of folding, I just faced the other direction, wrapped myself in a blanket, and cuddled with my kids while watching a cheesy Christmas movie.
We chopped a little tree last Thursday, but it’s in water outside as I still don’t have a stand for it…
I have no Christmas decorations up/out
There are more toys on the floor than in their bins (that may be a slight exaggeration, emphasis on the slight.)
I know it’s before noon, but now is when I usually decide what to make for dinner (so that I can have things thawed/marinated/know what to send hubbyman to the store for), but I already know that I don’t want to make dinner.
I have a house full of fruits and vegetables (and meals made from them) and I have no interest in any of it. Only banana pudding. And a craving for a some spaghettio-s.
I may just make soup for dinner, even though I know hubbyman won’t like it. (the only soup he deems acceptable is tomato, and only as long as it’s paired with grilled cheese. Otherwise soup does not constitute a meal. If he sees soup he’ll continue looking through the kitchen/oven/fridge hoping I also prepared something else to go along with it.)
I’m thinking nap time should begin at 11am today!
I refuse to get out of my pajamas today. I labeled MissE’s pajamas as “comfy clothes” to get her to join me in the pajama wearing party.
I have no even thought about Christmas cards. And I’m refusing to give them another thought today.

Are there things you judge other parents for? Are there things you feel judged on by other mom’s (or dad’s)? Are there things you judge yourself for? Give yourself -and others- a free pass today! And try to carry a little less judgment through the rest of the year!

Family Life According To Me

8 Comments »

The Coffee Avenger

by motherofwonder

I’ve had a few nights (or weeks) of being up until around 2. Last night was no exception. I just felt awake and so I stayed up and did the dishes and cleaned the counters (that I usually do in the morning). Yesterday was a beeeautiful day out and so instead of checking things off my to-do list, we spent the entire day outside. It was wonderful! The kids had a blast! From playing in the sand at our house, to eating their yogurt while strolling through the neighborhood (literally they were in the stroller), to the remainder of the afternoon being spent at the playground. The Big Kids discovering they can climb ladders and other climbing devices that they weren’t able (or willing) to do last year. (I’m pretty sure they were installed just to freak parents out at the thought of their child climbing up one unassisted. And this is a playground meant specifically for 2-4 year olds.) Anyways, they had good time and I didn’t have a heart attack or to care for any playground fall victims, so I’ll call it a good time for all of us.

This morning I’m feeling a little cantankerous (don’t you just love that word?), and so I’m hoping to cheer myself up (and maybe you too!) with a few little haha moments we’ve had here lately.

This morning I overheard Miss E yelling at the puppy: Puppy Dog, you need to remember to watch where my hands are going and not get in their way!

Yesterday Big E made me help him climb up a ladder because he was “so scared of falling off”- right after he whipped himself up of those bone-breaker-if-you-fall ladders that he then proceeded to jump off of (from the top…to the ground!). I asked him why it wasn’t scary to jump down from so high and his response (with an exaggerated sigh): Ugh, Mom, I’m actually ‘tending [pretending] to be a leaping lemur. So I had to leap. Didn’t you know that?! Obviously, I did not.

A week or two ago Miss E said: Daddy said I’m going to die and live with Jesus. I don’t want to die! Miss E and Big E in unison: I want to stay living on Earth!

Today at the farmer’s market the “Big Kids” were walking (so that all the tomatoes I got for salsa-ing and spaghetti sauce-ing could have a cozy ride in the back seat of the stroller) and they burst into song, each their own made up song, but in like a conversation format almost. At least 6 people stood by to watch and listen and “Ooh they’re so sweet!” over these silly children. Moments later, one of our favorite vendors (who’d witnessed their performance) let them each have a mini pumpkin. They were thrilled. I asked them to make sure they thanked him. They both looked at him, and informed him that they were too shy to say thank you. He is a sweet, older gentleman who laughed heartily while I rolled my eyes. (Eye rolling was followed by a talk about how we show kindness to others, and blah, blah, blah…*insert typical parental speech here*)

On the way home from the farmer’s market, since there was no room for them in the stroller, they each grabbed on to a pocket on either side. I warned them not to actually pull on my athletic pants that I did not tie. (Note to self: any item of clothing that has a way to tie, button, zip so that it cannot be pulled off of you- do so.) Thankfully, they did not publicly pants their mama. They did however spend the whole walk home talking about how they would think it was funny and laugh if that did happen. And how I would not think it was funny and would be mad. But they would still think it was funny.

So last night, I cleaned out the coffee pot (aka my best friend), filled it and set it up to start brewing this morning. Got up so excited that it would be ready and waiting for me! Only to find it off! I don’t know how it got turned off (I checked 3 times before I went to bed, knowing full well the importance of its role the morning after a night of 4 hours of sleep). So I don’t know who or how… but I will find out. And I will not rest until my coffee has been avenged! That is, if I don’t fall asleep from exhaustion and lack of coffee.

Reason #685 why I LOVE our local farmer's market- the beautiful, fresh, long-lasting flowers!

Life According To Me

3 Comments »

The Decade (Since September 2001)

by motherofwonder

Now I know that today is not September 11th, but with all the talk about the Ten Year Anniversary, it certainly has had me thinking about it. Where we you that September moment? Just getting into your work day? Settling into history class? Maybe even still sleeping? Chances are you know where you were. I was a freshman in college. I remember the noise of the students milling around all talking at once. I didn’t know what was going on…sitting in English class a TV was rolled in and we watched with horror as Tower One burned and cried as we watched Tower Two get hit as well.

Maybe your life wasn’t drastically altered that day, or maybe it changed your life completely. I felt heartbroken and saddened. And watched as 3 classmates left school and went home to visit their families that were now forever altered. Along with countless other classmates that joined the Reserves. My life may not have been immediately altered, but it certainly was in the years that followed.

My dear hubbyman was a bit of a wildman in those days… but he shortly decided he wanted a different road. He has a definite sense of responsibility, and knew that no one else in his group of friends would, so he enlisted. I certainly didn’t know that September morning that a few short years later I would end up being a military spouse.

Even if your life was not directly affected. You didn’t lose a family member, you didn’t enlist yourself for active duty or join the weekend warriors… but it has been ten years. A whole decade. Your life cannot be the same as it was a decade ago, can it? Mine certainly isn’t! I was 18, a college student, a head full of ideas and a heart full of dreams… today I am 25 (yeah, don’t do the math…ha!), I have been married for almost 7 yrs, I have been a parent for almost 5 years, I have 3 children… In some aspects I am nothing like the girl who watched with eyes glued that morning. And in other aspects I am just a better (maybe?) grown up version of that girl. One who’s ideas and beliefs have been tried and tested, one who’s faith has had to hold her up through real heartbreak, and someone who’s vision of life and humanity has been forced to evolve as I have grown and experienced life these last ten years.

At 18, I surely thought I was “grown,” but let’s face it, being an adult has less to do with age and more to do with life experience and maturity. I now have passionate opinions about things I never would have imagined. I have lived and learned, hurt and healed, loved and lost loved ones. I’ve borne three beautiful, healthy children and I’ve held the hand of a grandmother in her final days. I’ve lost touch with a few friends over those years, and reunited with others. I’ve learned how to be myself and that it’s ok to choose your family. In the scheme of things ten years seems like such a short amount of time, but since that fateful day my life has changed by leaps and bounds.

My heart still aches for everyone connected with September 11th and all that has happened in the years to follow, both here and overseas. I wish them peace and pray for blessings in their lives. I certainly hope that the next ten years are filled with more peace than we’ve seen collectively this last decade. I hope that my next decade is filled with as much love, laughter, and life as the last decade has.

2001

GOALS FOR THE NEXT DECADE:

Finally finish my masters!
Raise happy, healthy, responsible children (ones who love each other and of course me too!)
Travel
Take a cooking class, or two, or three…
Be more accepting of myself and be better about taking time for myself
Write more
Find my “dream job” even if it means inventing it!
Revisit the places I’ve lived in my life
Build a home to retire in
Go on a honeymoon before our 20 year mark! (And of course, enjoy each other along the way!)

Family Life According To Me Marriage

The Tough Answers

by motherofwonder

So we all know life has some tough questions, but sometimes the questions come easy and it’s the answers that are the hard part. Such was my experience today.

Today we were sitting at the table having lunch, when I got asked such a question. Biggest E was asking me if I named him when he was still in my belly. I said yes, and then told him the story about how I came home from work one day and told his daddy that I knew what his name was, and that was what we named him. Then Miss E asked about her name, and we talked about who she was named after and why. Frankly, I was enjoying this line of questioning, and was completely unprepared for what came next.

Mommy, how do babies get out of the mommies’ bellies? Um, what? Mommy, what do the babies do to get out of the mommies’ bellies? (pause for moment of panic) Well, they come out of the mommies’ bodies so that they can be born. **But where do they come out of the mommies’ bodies?** (pause for longer, bigger moment of panic. Trying to think of appropriate ways to describe to my 4 1/2 year old where babies come out of) Before I’ve stopped panicing, he simply asks, Did God just make a special place for babies to come out of? (Huge sigh of relief) Yes, God made a special place for babies to come out of. And did He make a special way for them to come out? Yes, sweet boy, He certainly did.

Thank the good Lord for pauses and moments of panic- sometimes that’s what we need in life before doing and saying something unnecessary.

Family Life According To Me

Thankful Friday

by motherofwonder

Sometimes I think I can get a little too stuck in this, “Well, this is just how my life is, right now…” mentality instead of: Look at how great my life is! I mean I’m always tired (last night I was up with kids until after 3:30am and then they got up at 7:30 this morning!), I’m always hungry (I’m nursing and chasing the kids- constantly! It’s always one or the other!). And I’m always behind on 3 things: laundry, dusting, and showering. Sometimes I get so caught up in all the things I’m doing, I forget the wonderment of it all. And so today, (actually I’m thinking of making every Friday, Thankful Friday, where I take a moment to acknowledge all the good things I have in my life) I am taking at least these few moments to commemorate the things in my life that give me lots of love, laughs, and joy:

1. Littlest E has the silliest, goofiest laugh… and he shares it almost every time I look at him. Plus, he’s a hugger. Really. Always has been. Throws his arms around you and squeezes. Heart melting.

2. Our puppy (who just celebrated his first birthday!) is such a good boy. Seriously. He’s a lab, who gets tired out after playing fetch for like 5 throws. He’d really rather spend his day cuddled with one of the kids. Or napping next to where they play. Seriously, he is that big of a sweetheart, and that much of a big ‘ol baby. Love him!

3. Hubbyman has been making a big effort to be more present in his time at home. Playing with the kids (without the distraction of a project in the background) and in doing things (like the dishes!!) around the house, on a daily basis. I am so thankful for the partner he is- in our marriage and as a co-parent.

4. After always thinking that I didn’t really have a preference about having a daughter, I find I enjoy having one more and more each and every day. She is a girl who knows what she wants and she will either melt your heart or break it to get it! And I love that about her! She is my sweetie pie that would gladly sit by my side as I cook or clean and just keep me company and entertained with her chatter.

5. My oldest is growing by leaps and bounds, it always amazes me the things he understands more and more on a daily basis! He’s currently obsessed with lying and telling the truth. The whole truth and nothing but the truth. If you ask him to tell him the truth (if you know he’s not giving you the whole story- and you have to specifically say, “Tell me the truth.”), he will. Begrudgingly, but he will. And he will not tolerate you telling him something that he knows to not be the truth. He may have a black and white view point, much like his father. He is also a sweetheart of a boy, who LOVES to give kisses and bear hugs. Truly. He’s not happy unless he’s hugged you hard enough to knock you on your bee-hind.

6. I have wonderful friends. Seriously. They totally rock. And I lived with one of my bffs for a month and a half this summer. And I love her more than ever. That’s how cool my friends are. Another friend came for a 2 week visit that he had to drive cross-country for! And we loved every minute of it! You know how sometimes by the end of a visit you’re like, “Get gone already!” This was not that way. We try almost daily to get him back here! And that’s just two examples! We are blessed with long time friends as well as newly made ones. They do our lives good- as a couple, as a family, and as individuals.

7. I find it totally amazing to witness the firsts of my children. First words, first steps, first time they see fireworks and point and “ooohh” and “aaahhhh” over every single one (Seriously, Littlest E truly did that). Total wonderment over the joy I feel in getting to be a part of their little lives.

8. I am 5lbs away from what I weighed in high school. Did I mention I’ve had 3 children in the last 4 years? I’m pretty proud of myself. No, maybe everything doesn’t fit or sit the same as it did back then, but I have earned every curve of my body, and I’m (learning!) accepting them.

9. I love the amount of laughter that goes on in my household. I am continually thankful for their sweet giggles amongst each other, and the ones they share with me. I am thankful for the way my husband and I can laugh together- and at each other, as much as at ourselves. Even the biggest hurts can feel manageable if you can intertwine laughter into the equation.

10. I am so appreciate to have this space. To have a place where I can say what I think and write how I feel. It’s empowering, liberating, and equal parts confusing…hey! I’m still learning! I feel more me, as an individual, when I can be open and honest about life, love, children, parenting… and living. Plus, where else would you find fabulous dinner ideas?! (*giggle, grin, and eye roll* yes, I even roll my eyes at my self. But you know, in a thankful, self accepting way)

These are by no means the only things that give my life joy, or in any particular order.I just needed to take a moment and internalize all the wonderment I do have in this crazy, busy, kid-filled life of mine. And to acknowledge that I love it completely, even if, at times, it doesn’t sound like, or feel like, I do.

Family Life According To Me Marriage

Good Thing They’re Cute

by motherofwonder

Last night I hit a wall. There is so much stress in ~~this house~~ it’s palpable. Ok, maybe in me is more accurate. My hardworking husband has been working a lot of overtime for over a month now. I don’t mean to complain about his job, because I’m so thankful he has one! Let alone one he enjoys, cares about, and (even better!) one he hardly ever even complains about. It is by far the best job he’s ever had, and probably the least amount of overtime as well. So why am I complaining? Because he pretty much stopped working overtime after Littlest E was born. I’m not sure if it was just so I would survive those beginning days as a new parent of three, or just the scare of it all, but I am ever so thankful for it! Really there is only a couple hours in the day where things are a little unbearable, and thankfully it’s not every day. Unfortunately it falls when Daddy “should be” home until he actually gets home. And then the magic switch is flipped back over and my sweet children return.

And truly, knowledge is power. Because while a meltdown might ensue when it’s me vs. them… just knowing that hubbyman’s home, even if he’s doing a project or something, is enough. Seriously. It’s maddening. There’s just something about knowing that I am not quite so outnumbered. Like last night, we were all bordering on the brink of disaster while I made dinner. And wouldn’t you know it, they didn’t like it/want it. Or the second meal I created out of sheer desperation. And then Daddy walks in, they want to eat what he’s eating, and they all (truly, all 3) are in his lap and eating! (*insert growl and eye roll*) Whatever, I’m just glad they ate.

While doing dinner cleanup, we notice that the big E’s have gone mysteriously quiet. And we know the gate is up (for littlest E’s sake), so they haven’t gone down to their rooms to play, which only means one thing- they’re in the bathroom. And that’s never good. Fortunately, I probably wear make up about once a month, maybe twice…maybe not at all. Yes, it’s that often. Therefore the kids aren’t really sure what’s it’s all about, because they’re not seeing it demonstrated on a daily basis. Unfortunately, I keep “the basics” in the bathroom they were in. (The basics being lipstick, foundation, blush, eyeshadow, and mascara) I wasn’t shocked to see my MissE in some make up, what I was shocked by was the fact that the biggest E had only been an observer and not a participant.

So she had mascara all over her eyes and eyebrows, foundation on her mouth, and eye shadow on her cheeks. It took a half an hour to wash MOST of it off. Thankfully at this point it was 9:00! Bedtime!! And littlest E had just been put down for the night. So I did what any normal mom would do after an evening like this… I poured a glass of wine, grabbed my favorite magazine that I’ve been meaning to read for months, and took a nice, hot, uninterrupted bath! (Which is very rare! The previous night I tried to take a shower after they went to bed, because that’s pretty much the only time I can fit on in… only to be scared half to death by the sudden movement of the curtain and the little hands that were grabbing at my legs. I’m surprised I didn’t scream, truly.)

I love my children, I love my life with them, I love being their mom, I really love it all… but when I lose myself in them, that’s when troubles arise. Sometimes something so simple as an hour in warmth of the tub, consoled by all my own thoughts and feelings about my own things, that I can reconnect with the person I am, as an individual. And today the person I am is a refreshed, albeit tired, mommy to three sweet little kids.

And I just found where she “stashed” my makeup… it’s in the bag, just completely filled with spilled foundation, unscrewed mascara, squeezed out lipgloss, and open cases of what I think used to be eye shadow. Did I mention how sweet they are? Good thing they’re cute. *sigh*

Family Life According To Me

1 Comment »