I’m going to share a secret with you. Nevermind, no, I’m not… Oh, fine. *Sigh* Ok, here goes. Sometimes I am not a perfect parent. I have a temper, I can be impatient, and some days I get really, really frustrated. (And I realize that I basically just said I’m impatient three times.) (This may go along with why I’m not a perfect spouse either, but that’s another story.)
I never would have imagined myself getting this frustrated with my children. After all, I wanted them and I love them… how could these three sweet beings make me so mad I could become a fire breathing dragon? I know this is all very shocking to find out… I was shocked as well. But there you have it, I am not a perfect parent.
When I’m tired, I am not my best self. And I’m tired a lot. I am guilty of giving them “quiet time” just because I needed some quiet time (and not because they actually needed/deserved the time out). I am guilty of disciplining them above their paygrade (or age). I am guilty of giving one preferential treatment over the other, based on who is currently being “the whiney one”, even when I know they are just needing some focused attention. I am guilty of wishing they would just shut up, even when they’re just (noisily) playing, or asking a question-filled child, Can’t you ever be quiet?!? I am guilty of parenting in a way that does not coincide with what I believe parenting should be, for our family. I am guilty of throwing temper tantrums that may rival most 3 year olds.
Before you call my husband, or social services, you should know that these aren’t daily occurrences (at least not all of them every day/in the same day). But they happen, and I’m admitting it because… well, because maybe they happen to you too? And admittance is the first step, right?
So while I may have a meltdown one minute, I can assure you that it’s usually (about 98.5% of the time) followed by immediate remorse, apologies, talks, hugs, kisses, and the taking of a deep breath. Because while my impatience can sometimes reduce me to 3-year-old-antics, I am actually an adult, and I really do try and behave like one. At least when it comes to my children. And I know that really, this is not the way I’d envisioned parenting, nor is it the way I want to be parenting.
Why am I telling you this information? Because I’m human. Because I’m being honest. Because I want you to know that you’re not alone, and since I’m being honest, I’ll admit that maybe it’s because I want to know that I’m not alone. Most importantly, because I want to make a change. I have gotten so little sleep lately that my patience has been thin-to none. And Mommy has been more drill sergeant than teacher. As my children are getting older, they will be remembering more and more. I can’t help but wondering if I’ve been behaving in a manner I’d appreciate them remembering?
I have one more thing to admit- The downside to attempting to have more patience and be a more patient parent? I’m going to be given opportunities to be tested. Crap.
laborofwonder 
Love that last pic of you giving kisses to your rugrat! LOL My youngest is 7, and I still “steaL’ kisses from her even when she’s sometimes annoyed by it. Heck, I use hugs and kisses as a bargaining tool: “You can have dessert, but only after you give mommy a big hug and tons of kisses.” LOL Kids eventually become somewhat embarrassed to be seen hugging/kissing their parents, so I’m taking advantage of it while I can, before the “cooties” years step in.
I know! I love it too! And I steal as much affection from my children as I can, for as long as I can!! (And I totally use hugs and kisses as bargaining tools!)