laborofwonder

Where Whine Meets Wine

Perfect I Am. Not.

on October 6, 2011

I’m going to share a secret with you. Nevermind, no, I’m not… Oh, fine. *Sigh* Ok, here goes. Sometimes I am not a perfect parent. I have a temper, I can be impatient, and some days I get really, really frustrated. (And I realize that I basically just said I’m impatient three times.) (This may go along with why I’m not a perfect spouse either, but that’s another story.)

I never would have imagined myself getting this frustrated with my children. After all, I wanted them and I love them… how could these three sweet beings make me so mad I could become a fire breathing dragon? I know this is all very shocking to find out… I was shocked as well. But there you have it, I am not a perfect parent.

When I’m tired, I am not my best self. And I’m tired a lot. I am guilty of giving them “quiet time” just because I needed some quiet time (and not because they actually needed/deserved the time out). I am guilty of disciplining them above their paygrade (or age). I am guilty of giving one preferential treatment over the other, based on who is currently being “the whiney one”, even when I know they are just needing some focused attention. I am guilty of wishing they would just shut up, even when they’re just (noisily) playing, or asking  a question-filled child, Can’t you ever be quiet?!? I am guilty of parenting in a way that does not coincide with what I believe parenting should be, for our family. I am guilty of throwing temper tantrums that may rival most 3 year olds.

Before you call my husband, or social services, you should know that these aren’t daily occurrences (at least not all of them every day/in the same day). But they happen, and I’m admitting it because… well, because maybe they happen to you too? And admittance is the first step, right?

So while I may have a meltdown one minute, I can assure you that it’s usually (about 98.5% of the time) followed by immediate remorse, apologies, talks, hugs, kisses, and the taking of a deep breath. Because while my impatience can sometimes reduce me to 3-year-old-antics, I am actually an adult, and I really do try and behave like one. At least when it comes to my children. And I know that really, this is not the way I’d envisioned parenting, nor is it the way I want to be parenting.

Why am I telling you this information? Because I’m human. Because I’m being honest. Because I want you to know that you’re not alone,  and since I’m being honest, I’ll admit that maybe it’s because I want to know that I’m not alone. Most importantly, because I want to make a change. I have gotten so little sleep lately that my patience has been thin-to none. And Mommy has been more drill sergeant than teacher. As my children are getting older, they will be remembering more and more. I can’t help but wondering if I’ve been behaving in a manner I’d appreciate them remembering?

I have one more thing to admit- The downside to attempting to have more patience and be a more patient parent? I’m going to be given opportunities to be tested. Crap.

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2 responses to “Perfect I Am. Not.

  1. Domestiç Reclusë says:

    Love that last pic of you giving kisses to your rugrat! LOL My youngest is 7, and I still “steaL’ kisses from her even when she’s sometimes annoyed by it. Heck, I use hugs and kisses as a bargaining tool: “You can have dessert, but only after you give mommy a big hug and tons of kisses.” LOL Kids eventually become somewhat embarrassed to be seen hugging/kissing their parents, so I’m taking advantage of it while I can, before the “cooties” years step in.

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