parenting humor | laborofwonder

Perfect I Am. Not.

by motherofwonder

I’m going to share a secret with you. Nevermind, no, I’m not… Oh, fine. *Sigh* Ok, here goes. ~~Sometimes~~ I am not a perfect parent. I have a temper, I can be impatient, and some days I get really, really frustrated. (And I realize that I basically just said I’m impatient three times.) (This may go along with why I’m not a perfect spouse either, but that’s another story.)

I never would have imagined myself getting this frustrated with my children. After all, I wanted them and I love them… how could these three sweet beings make me so mad I could become a fire breathing dragon? I know this is all very shocking to find out… I was shocked as well. But there you have it, I am not a perfect parent.

When I’m tired, I am not my best self. And I’m tired a lot. I am guilty of giving them “quiet time” just because I needed some quiet time (and not because they actually needed/deserved the time out). I am guilty of disciplining them above their paygrade (or age). I am guilty of giving one preferential treatment over the other, based on who is currently being “the whiney one”, even when I know they are just needing some focused attention. I am guilty of wishing they would just shut up, even when they’re just (noisily) playing, or asking a question-filled child, Can’t you ever be quiet?!? I am guilty of parenting in a way that does not coincide with what I believe parenting should be, for our family. I am guilty of throwing temper tantrums that may rival most 3 year olds.

Before you call my husband, or social services, you should know that these aren’t daily occurrences (at least not all of them every day/in the same day). But they happen, and I’m admitting it because… well, because maybe they happen to you too? And admittance is the first step, right?

So while I may have a meltdown one minute, I can assure you that it’s usually (about 98.5% of the time) followed by immediate remorse, apologies, talks, hugs, kisses, and the taking of a deep breath. Because while my impatience can sometimes reduce me to 3-year-old-antics, I am actually an adult, and I really do try and behave like one. At least when it comes to my children. And I know that really, this is not the way I’d envisioned parenting, nor is it the way I want to be parenting.

Why am I telling you this information? Because I’m human. Because I’m being honest. Because I want you to know that you’re not alone, and since I’m being honest, I’ll admit that maybe it’s because I want to know that I’m not alone. Most importantly, because I want to make a change. I have gotten so little sleep lately that my patience has been thin-to none. And Mommy has been more drill sergeant than teacher. As my children are getting older, they will be remembering more and more. I can’t help but wondering if I’ve been behaving in a manner I’d appreciate them remembering?

I have one more thing to admit- The downside to attempting to have more patience and be a more patient parent? I’m going to be given opportunities to be tested. Crap.

Family Life According To Me

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The Coffee Avenger

by motherofwonder

I’ve had a few nights (or weeks) of being up until around 2. Last night was no exception. I just felt awake and so I stayed up and did the dishes and cleaned the counters (that I usually do in the morning). Yesterday was a beeeautiful day out and so instead of checking things off my to-do list, we spent the entire day outside. It was wonderful! The kids had a blast! From playing in the sand at our house, to eating their yogurt while strolling through the neighborhood (literally they were in the stroller), to the remainder of the afternoon being spent at the playground. The Big Kids discovering they can climb ladders and other climbing devices that they weren’t able (or willing) to do last year. (I’m pretty sure they were installed just to freak parents out at the thought of their child climbing up one unassisted. And this is a playground meant specifically for 2-4 year olds.) Anyways, they had good time and I didn’t have a heart attack or to care for any playground fall victims, so I’ll call it a good time for all of us.

This morning I’m feeling a little cantankerous (don’t you just love that word?), and so I’m hoping to cheer myself up (and maybe you too!) with a few little haha moments we’ve had here lately.

This morning I overheard Miss E yelling at the puppy: Puppy Dog, you need to remember to watch where my hands are going and not get in their way!

Yesterday Big E made me help him climb up a ladder because he was “so scared of falling off”- right after he whipped himself up of those bone-breaker-if-you-fall ladders that he then proceeded to jump off of (from the top…to the ground!). I asked him why it wasn’t scary to jump down from so high and his response (with an exaggerated sigh): Ugh, Mom, I’m actually ‘tending [pretending] to be a leaping lemur. So I had to leap. Didn’t you know that?! Obviously, I did not.

A week or two ago Miss E said: Daddy said I’m going to die and live with Jesus. I don’t want to die! Miss E and Big E in unison: I want to stay living on Earth!

Today at the farmer’s market the “Big Kids” were walking (so that all the tomatoes I got for salsa-ing and spaghetti sauce-ing could have a cozy ride in the back seat of the stroller) and they burst into song, each their own made up song, but in like a conversation format almost. At least 6 people stood by to watch and listen and “Ooh they’re so sweet!” over these silly children. Moments later, one of our favorite vendors (who’d witnessed their performance) let them each have a mini pumpkin. They were thrilled. I asked them to make sure they thanked him. They both looked at him, and informed him that they were too shy to say thank you. He is a sweet, older gentleman who laughed heartily while I rolled my eyes. (Eye rolling was followed by a talk about how we show kindness to others, and blah, blah, blah…*insert typical parental speech here*)

On the way home from the farmer’s market, since there was no room for them in the stroller, they each grabbed on to a pocket on either side. I warned them not to actually pull on my athletic pants that I did not tie. (Note to self: any item of clothing that has a way to tie, button, zip so that it cannot be pulled off of you- do so.) Thankfully, they did not publicly pants their mama. They did however spend the whole walk home talking about how they would think it was funny and laugh if that did happen. And how I would not think it was funny and would be mad. But they would still think it was funny.

So last night, I cleaned out the coffee pot (aka my best friend), filled it and set it up to start brewing this morning. Got up so excited that it would be ready and waiting for me! Only to find it off! I don’t know how it got turned off (I checked 3 times before I went to bed, knowing full well the importance of its role the morning after a night of 4 hours of sleep). So I don’t know who or how… but I will find out. And I will not rest until my coffee has been avenged! That is, if I don’t fall asleep from exhaustion and lack of coffee.