laborofwonder

Where Whine Meets Wine

A Tornado Went Through My Life

on June 6, 2011

My house is a disaster. Like a tornado may have went through it disaster. I have dishes to do, dishes to put away, laundry to put away, laundry to do, garbage to take out… toys to encourage little ones to put away. And as I take it all in, all I can think of is how I kind of feel the way my house looks. Disheveled. Like a tornado went through my life.

Don’t get me wrong, I have been having lots of fun the last couple of months. But it has been filled with emotional highs and lows. And all that mood swing-ing is starting to take it’s toll. We had my hubby’s brother and his family in town the beginning of May for three weeks and we enjoyed the visit so much. It was a great time of reconnect. It was also a little sad because it marked the end of their time in the US. My brother-in-law took a job in China for the next… well, for years. It is an amazing opportunity for his career and for their lives, and we are so proud of them all. That said, we are also lonely without them. Their son is Big E’s best friend, and he misses him terribly. And my sister-in-law, well, she’s like a sister to me (imagine that!).

The last weekend of their visit, my little brother got married. This isn’t a low, this is a wonderful thing. We love his wife and I have long considered her my friend. It was quickly followed by hubby’s brother’s China move (say that 3 times fast!)… so it was a very emotional weekend for me! And early the morning after the wedding I received a text message that one of my favorite people is beginning the divorce process. I was elated for my brother and his new bride, and devastated for my dear friend.

Since that weekend, my friend has stayed with us because as it turns out- my children are a great form of distraction! And they love her. Biggest E has already claimed her for his own, and promised to take her to the diamond store. How he knows about a diamond store, I have no idea, but he’s taking her there. We’ve had night after night of late nights. Some we stay up talking, oblivious to whatever movie we’d turned on. And others we’d put in a movie and just kind of be, together. I find I have a hard time balancing my feelings of sadness over the hurts of her heart with the fact that I’m loving having her here. We’ve had lots of tears, margaritas, and even more laughter. And I truly hope it’s doing us both some good!

This last week I boxed up, cleaned up, and gave away the last of our little baby things. I gave them to one of my oldest friends and I love that I am able to pass on things to her. I was a little melancholy during the process but wasn’t really boo-hoo about it… until yesterday as I loaded the bags with the clothes that both my boys had worn as newborns, the car seat that took all of my babies home from the hospital, and the swing that rocked my miracle to sleep when I thought nothing would work. There was no sob fest, but the tears were welling. This is not to say that I don’t love watching my children grow and appreciate each stage that they’re in, because I really do. I love every inch of their growing process. Ok, at least most of the inches. And while I’m aware that I’m viewing it through misty eyes, I can’t help but see their sweet newborn faces, feel the rib jabs while they were still in my tummy, their first smiles, first words… and the knowledge of how they grow so fast, is leaving me a little brokenhearted. There’s something in the knowledge that I will never again relive the marvel of holding your new baby for the first time, or the joy of all the firsts of their first year, that leaves me feeling bittersweet.

And this last week my cousin passed away. He was only two years older than I and although we were second cousins (his mom is my mother’s cousin, so whatever that makes us…that’s what we are), he used to spend his summers around here, and at various other points in his life, and to me, family is family. He was a bit of a wild child during his growing up, but eventually got himself together and found his place working with a church in his hometown. I am happy because I know he traveled a long road in his 30 short years, and sad for all those left behind, like his wife and daughter.

…plus littlest E has gotten 4 teeth in the last 2 weeks, therefore he and I have also not gotten very much sleep. Which probably adds to my emotional state. I feel like I  may be on the verge of a breakdown. Last night a junebug (a big winged beetle) flew into the truck as we were getting in, and refused to fly out the window… instead it continued to flying into my legs repeatedly. I really screamed, and I may have cried. Apparently 45 minutes with that creature was my breaking point.

So I’m hoping that after attending the memorial tonight, tomorrow I will be swinging back to normal from the lows of the last week… after all on Thursday hubbyman flies to LA for some fun in the sun and a road trip with one of our favorite people ever! And while the boys are road tripping, my parents will be enjoying the company of the Bigger E children while Mommy goes on a girl’s weekend trip with a stowaway! (The stowaway being Littlest E who’s not quite big enough for an overnight without Mama) And it’s to one of my favorite destinations- which happens to be less than a 3 hr drive (score!)!! Which will be followed by a 2 week visit from said favorite person- that we haven’t seen since Miss E was only a couple days old! So there are lots of things to look forward to!! I’m hoping that the highs of the next couple weeks will be enough to stave off any thoughts of breaking down and becoming a pile of mush for a few days!!

Which brings me back to the war zone my home could be compared to… I’d better get to work on it if I really want to enjoy my time away (or any company)!!

Today’s Mantra: If He brings you to it, He’ll bring you through it.

*I’m going to be getting back into the swing of blogging again as well! So keep looking for more posts from my nice, new netbook hubbyman so thoughtfully bestowed on me, so that I could keep blogging while he is in the process of revamping and doing a major overhaul of our regular computer!  (*que simultaneous “awwww”*) I have a camera full of pictures of meals (and sangrias!) along with recipes! I just have to get a few minutes and get them all loaded!!! So make sure you keep checking back for more!

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