stay at home mom | laborofwonder

Good Thing They’re Cute

by motherofwonder

Last night I hit a wall. There is so much stress in ~~this house~~ it’s palpable. Ok, maybe in me is more accurate. My hardworking husband has been working a lot of overtime for over a month now. I don’t mean to complain about his job, because I’m so thankful he has one! Let alone one he enjoys, cares about, and (even better!) one he hardly ever even complains about. It is by far the best job he’s ever had, and probably the least amount of overtime as well. So why am I complaining? Because he pretty much stopped working overtime after Littlest E was born. I’m not sure if it was just so I would survive those beginning days as a new parent of three, or just the scare of it all, but I am ever so thankful for it! Really there is only a couple hours in the day where things are a little unbearable, and thankfully it’s not every day. Unfortunately it falls when Daddy “should be” home until he actually gets home. And then the magic switch is flipped back over and my sweet children return.

And truly, knowledge is power. Because while a meltdown might ensue when it’s me vs. them… just knowing that hubbyman’s home, even if he’s doing a project or something, is enough. Seriously. It’s maddening. There’s just something about knowing that I am not quite so outnumbered. Like last night, we were all bordering on the brink of disaster while I made dinner. And wouldn’t you know it, they didn’t like it/want it. Or the second meal I created out of sheer desperation. And then Daddy walks in, they want to eat what he’s eating, and they all (truly, all 3) are in his lap and eating! (*insert growl and eye roll*) Whatever, I’m just glad they ate.

While doing dinner cleanup, we notice that the big E’s have gone mysteriously quiet. And we know the gate is up (for littlest E’s sake), so they haven’t gone down to their rooms to play, which only means one thing- they’re in the bathroom. And that’s never good. Fortunately, I probably wear make up about once a month, maybe twice…maybe not at all. Yes, it’s that often. Therefore the kids aren’t really sure what’s it’s all about, because they’re not seeing it demonstrated on a daily basis. Unfortunately, I keep “the basics” in the bathroom they were in. (The basics being lipstick, foundation, blush, eyeshadow, and mascara) I wasn’t shocked to see my MissE in some make up, what I was shocked by was the fact that the biggest E had only been an observer and not a participant.

So she had mascara all over her eyes and eyebrows, foundation on her mouth, and eye shadow on her cheeks. It took a half an hour to wash MOST of it off. Thankfully at this point it was 9:00! Bedtime!! And littlest E had just been put down for the night. So I did what any normal mom would do after an evening like this… I poured a glass of wine, grabbed my favorite magazine that I’ve been meaning to read for months, and took a nice, hot, uninterrupted bath! (Which is very rare! The previous night I tried to take a shower after they went to bed, because that’s pretty much the only time I can fit on in… only to be scared half to death by the sudden movement of the curtain and the little hands that were grabbing at my legs. I’m surprised I didn’t scream, truly.)

I love my children, I love my life with them, I love being their mom, I really love it all… but when I lose myself in them, that’s when troubles arise. Sometimes something so simple as an hour in warmth of the tub, consoled by all my own thoughts and feelings about my own things, that I can reconnect with the person I am, as an individual. And today the person I am is a refreshed, albeit tired, mommy to three sweet little kids.

And I just found where she “stashed” my makeup… it’s in the bag, just completely filled with spilled foundation, unscrewed mascara, squeezed out lipgloss, and open cases of what I think used to be eye shadow. Did I mention how sweet they are? Good thing they’re cute. *sigh*

Family Life According To Me

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A stay at home feminist?

by motherofwonder

So, I love the books (well, her latest books anyhow) by Elizabeth Gilbert. I don’t always agree with all of her viewpoints and beliefs, but something in the way she writes strikes me, in way that kind of makes me want to be her friend. Well, her latest book: Commited, leaves me thinking a variety of things. She is so feministic that she has a hard time admitting aloud that her mother made her life BETTER by being a stay at home mom. And really the way she classifies ALL stay at home moms, leaves me… shaken. Maybe shaken isn’t the right word, maybe scattered is. While I do know that many women have sacrificed their careers for their families; I cannot accept that all of them have done it unwillingly and regretfully. I am fully aware we are all different creatures. Some women have no desire for marriage, some no desire for children… why is it then so surprising that there could be women who’s greatest desire is to have and raise children? Without assuming them devoid of all want of life and/or any other desire. As if they tried to muster up the courage for some world-changing, life altering passion and the most they could come up with was children. What repressed women they must be?! (insert dramatic eye roll here)

I support my “sisters.” My single sisters that just want to do it on their own and have no matrimonial desires- I support them! My married sisters who have decided that a husband and career are the life for them- I support them! My married, working mama sisters, who feel like their work gives them validation they’d never find at home- I support them! Encourage them! Without judgement (or pity! No thoughts that because they’re not doing it “my way” that they’re somehow devoid of the basic desires of a woman heart.)! Because I, in all my feminist form, believe that we are all different, have different desires, different cores of what we find fulfilling- and shouldn’t we all be able to live our lives accordingly, judgement free? Why is that favor not returned? I’m hoping that it’s just their way of protecting their validation towards their life choices, instead of an attack on mine. (we do seem to always want public validation for our choices, don’t we?)

While I have always wanted children, I truly never thought about whether I would stay home or have a job outside the home. It never crossed my mind. Not in high school, or even in college. In fact, in college, I’d probably have said I’d work outside the home, but just as an assumption, not because of a desire to put my life into my career.. Enter the year Big E was born… a neighbor ran a daycare for infants (and good ‘ol Navy housing had paper thin walls)- all I’d hear was those babies crying all day long! That’s when I knew that I WANTED to be the one at home with them. Trust me, if hubbyman could have been the one to stay home, he would have! (but also trust me on the fact that he’s now relieved it didn’t work out that way!) We believe it’s what’s best for OUR children. And really, it’s what’s best FOR ME. I want to do this. Not only does it afford me time to watch them grow, but I have really learned who I am and the things that I really want in life. That’s not to say my only ambition in life is to raise my children… I have other ambitions, and pursue them. And believe that if I felt like the desires of my heart were outside my home, that is where I would be. Were I in a career that I felt really completed the person I am, I would be investing my time in it. It just happens that, for me, my GREATEST ambition, is raising my children. And today, I am frustrated that I feel the need to defend it. So sisters, as I am on the front lines with you for equality in every setting (not just the workplace), supporting that you have the right to be you, as equal to any other gender… please, be on the front lines with me- support that this is the best me I am. In my home, with my children. And it’s not any less valid and does not make me any less pro-woman to have made these choices. (Did I mention the need for public validation for choices…? apparently I am not immune either)

Life According To Me