motherhood | laborofwonder

Did I Show You?

by motherofwonder

For beautiful eyes, look for the good in others; for beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness; and for poise, walk with the knowledge that you are never alone.
-Audrey Hepburn

Those are just such lovely words, and as I sat thinking about them this morning, I thought about all the other wonderful things I want my children to grow knowing. And hoping that not only do I teach them and tell them things to prepare them for life, but also to show them. So this is my letter to the future them…

Dear children, you are adults now. I hope that I taught you and told you all of the things I meant to, over the years. But most importantly I hope I showed you by modeling them in my own life. Did I show you how important you each are as individuals? Because you are. Even on days when things get lost in the busyness of doing the laundry, making the dinner, and driving you to Tae Kwon Do and dance class.

Did I show you how to be courteous to each other and to others, without ever being anyone’s doormat? Did I show you that life is filled with choices and so you need to choose carefully. Did I show you to reach for, wait for, and work for all the things that really matter in life, including your biggest dreams?

Did I show you that even in the middle of the biggest heartache, you can find some reprieve in humor? Did I show you that there is always reasons to hope? Did I show you that even though sometimes things don’t go the way we planned, it doesn’t mean that it’s not a blessing or that there isn’t a plan? Did I show you what faith looks like? Did I show you how to believe in yourselves, by believing in you myself?

Did I show you how to be creative? Did I show you that creativity has many forms, and all of them are worthwhile? Did I show you to invest in whatever your creative interests may be?

Did I show you to be thoughtful of people and their needs? Did I show you to have meaning behind your manners? Did I show you to not just say the words of politeness, but also to mean them? Did I show you to have some courage? Did I show you how to embrace the unknown and live your life to its fullest? Did I also show you to have some control over (your father’s) sense of adventure and to pair it with (your mother’s) good judgement? (*wink*)

Did I show you that even when we disagree the most, we can still love the deepest? Did I show you to dance wherever you feel like it; to sing as loud as you can; to love as thoroughly as you feel; to listen to the words said and unsaid; to laugh as hysterically as you can; be as compassionate as you can be?

Did I show you how to learn from your mistakes? To accept your mistakes? To move past them? Did I show you how to embrace the past, without dragging it into your futures? Did I show you to be considerate of the feelings of others, but to not sit still or silently when change is necessary? Did I show you how to not be afraid of speaking up and speaking out?

Did I show you how beautiful the world around it can be? Did I show you how to live in a way that makes the best of what we have been given? Did I show you the value of making your own path in life? Did I show you the reasons behind the things I believe, and the beliefs I hope you cling to?

Did I show you that I love you more than words could ever express? Did I show you that I am proud of your beyond belief? Did I show you that I believe in you, even when you don’t believe in yourself? Did I show you that I am someone you can always trust and come to for support, comfort, and laughter? Did I show you the joy of being a family? How to live and work as a team? Did I show you my joy of being your parent?

I know you learn through experiences as much as through what you see being demonstrated for you, more than just what has been told to you. So I am hoping that I have shown you all of these things along the way. I hope that I did, but if I missed one along the way, I hope that I have shown you enough that you can make the right choices for yourselves.

Did I show you I love you forever, and always, to the moon and back, plus *16?

Because I do, and I always will.

*As soon as Big E could talk, when I’d ask how much he loved mommy, he would shout 16! When asked why 16, he said it was because it was a big number. So big that it was too big to count. So now when we say our “I love you’s” I always include the 16. (Miss E has also joined in the fun.) But Big E now responds with, Moooom, there’s no numbers in love. And I can’t help but smile and say, but if there were it would be a big number. So big that it’s too big to count.

Family Life According To Me Things You Should Say

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The Coffee Avenger

by motherofwonder

I’ve had a few nights (or weeks) of being up until around 2. Last night was no exception. I just felt awake and so I stayed up and did the dishes and cleaned the counters (that I usually do in the morning). Yesterday was a beeeautiful day out and so instead of checking things off my to-do list, we spent the entire day outside. It was wonderful! The kids had a blast! From playing in the sand at our house, to eating their yogurt while strolling through the neighborhood (literally they were in the stroller), to the remainder of the afternoon being spent at the playground. The Big Kids discovering they can climb ladders and other climbing devices that they weren’t able (or willing) to do last year. (I’m pretty sure they were installed just to freak parents out at the thought of their child climbing up one unassisted. And this is a playground meant specifically for 2-4 year olds.) Anyways, they had good time and I didn’t have a heart attack or to care for any playground fall victims, so I’ll call it a good time for all of us.

This morning I’m feeling a little cantankerous (don’t you just love that word?), and so I’m hoping to cheer myself up (and maybe you too!) with a few little haha moments we’ve had here lately.

This morning I overheard Miss E yelling at the puppy: Puppy Dog, you need to remember to watch where my hands are going and not get in their way!

Yesterday Big E made me help him climb up a ladder because he was “so scared of falling off”- right after he whipped himself up of those bone-breaker-if-you-fall ladders that he then proceeded to jump off of (from the top…to the ground!). I asked him why it wasn’t scary to jump down from so high and his response (with an exaggerated sigh): Ugh, Mom, I’m actually ‘tending [pretending] to be a leaping lemur. So I had to leap. Didn’t you know that?! Obviously, I did not.

A week or two ago Miss E said: Daddy said I’m going to die and live with Jesus. I don’t want to die! Miss E and Big E in unison: I want to stay living on Earth!

Today at the farmer’s market the “Big Kids” were walking (so that all the tomatoes I got for salsa-ing and spaghetti sauce-ing could have a cozy ride in the back seat of the stroller) and they burst into song, each their own made up song, but in like a conversation format almost. At least 6 people stood by to watch and listen and “Ooh they’re so sweet!” over these silly children. Moments later, one of our favorite vendors (who’d witnessed their performance) let them each have a mini pumpkin. They were thrilled. I asked them to make sure they thanked him. They both looked at him, and informed him that they were too shy to say thank you. He is a sweet, older gentleman who laughed heartily while I rolled my eyes. (Eye rolling was followed by a talk about how we show kindness to others, and blah, blah, blah…*insert typical parental speech here*)

On the way home from the farmer’s market, since there was no room for them in the stroller, they each grabbed on to a pocket on either side. I warned them not to actually pull on my athletic pants that I did not tie. (Note to self: any item of clothing that has a way to tie, button, zip so that it cannot be pulled off of you- do so.) Thankfully, they did not publicly pants their mama. They did however spend the whole walk home talking about how they would think it was funny and laugh if that did happen. And how I would not think it was funny and would be mad. But they would still think it was funny.

So last night, I cleaned out the coffee pot (aka my best friend), filled it and set it up to start brewing this morning. Got up so excited that it would be ready and waiting for me! Only to find it off! I don’t know how it got turned off (I checked 3 times before I went to bed, knowing full well the importance of its role the morning after a night of 4 hours of sleep). So I don’t know who or how… but I will find out. And I will not rest until my coffee has been avenged! That is, if I don’t fall asleep from exhaustion and lack of coffee.

Reason #685 why I LOVE our local farmer's market- the beautiful, fresh, long-lasting flowers!

Life According To Me

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My Nametag

by motherofwonder

Have you ever had to give yourself a word that sums up everything you do and/or everything you are? You search tirelessly to find one word that culminates your very existence? Well, today I’ve attempted to do just that… I’ve poured over my emotional, creative, and cognitive ways. And this is what I’ve come up with…

If you do one, a few, or all of these things… you might be one too.

Insist that you can pick your child’s cry out of the mass hysteria of a summertime, lunchtime playground.
You actually can pick your child’s voice out.
At least one meal of the day consists of whatever your child(ren) didn’t eat.
You feel like a teenager sneaking out of the house when you go out past 8 o’clock.
You feel like you’re breaking curfew when you stay out past 10 o’clock.
Do things in quiet, so as not to disturb sleeping child(ren)…even when they’re not at home.
Do things in quit when no one else is home, just to remind yourself what quiet sounds like.
Find yourself saying words to other adults, in the way that your child(ren) say them. (Example, my mom still refers to ice cream as “arse cream” because that’s how my brother referred to it as a small child. I know, it’s a good one.)
Sway back and forth, as if rocking a child, even when your arms are empty.
Find yourself swaying when your arms are holding an inanimate object, as if it were a child.
Find yourself listening to kid’s songs, without your kids in the car.
Find your heart skipping a beat when you look in the backseat and only see carseats (without children in them), even though you left them home on purpose.
Find yourself singing kids’ songs, even when the kids aren’t around. (Hubbyman and I like to text each other the lyrics to a couple of kids’ songs randomly, because it ensures that the other party will then have to suffer through having that song stuck in their head for the rest of the day as well.)
Go shopping for an outfit for you to wear to *insert special occasion here* and walk out with clothes for the kids, and nothing for you.
Stand with arms crossed against your chest when another baby starts crying, in effort to prevent leakage.
Your partner that you used to refer to as a variety of “cutesy” names is now simply Daddy.
You’ve had a variety of nicknames over the course of your life, but the only word you respond to now is Mom (or a variation of this word).
You have a preference of which variation of the word mom is used. (Mama, mommy, ma, mom, madre, etc.)
You have slept in a toddler bed… and you are not a toddler.
Make sure to close the toilet’s lid and bathroom door behind you, even when you’re home alone.
You leave/put up baby gates, even when your baby is not there.
Spend hours packing your child(ren)’s clothes so that they have plenty of outfits and everything matches before a trip, only to get there and find that while your child(ren) has enough clothes to turn your weekend get away into a month long vacay, you forgot to pack anything for yourself.
You have any combination of these things in your purse at any given time: wipes, diapers, fruit snacks, cereal.
The bathroom is a place of sanctuary. (when you have someone else to keep an eye on the kid(s) while you’re in there catching up on your magazine subscriptions or taking a ridiculously long shower.)
Nap time is your favorite time of day.
Eye your sleeping child(ren) jealously.
Have to stay up till midnight to get anything done.
(Almost) always look like you just got off a red eye flight.
You think of your # of children in # of years like a soldier and their tours. (I did 3 tours in 4 years = I had 3 children in 4 years.)
Have experienced love in a way you never imagined and/or never thought possible.

Obviously, there are other things that define me as an individual, and not “just” a mother. It is amazing the fun, silly, sleepless, ridiculous things that change when you go from a person who is mainly just responsible for oneself to someone who is responsible for the whole lives of someone (or or some two or three or more.). So even though I’ve gone from someone with the uncanny ability to organize things to the Nth degree to someone who can realize they’d forgotten to turn the monitor on, only to have baby wake up seconds after (this happens all the time!), or hear one of my little voices in a crowd, on trips I never have all of my things, will rock anything you put in my arms, speaks toddler fluently, and you can frequently find me cleaning the kitchen floor at midnight…. I would not trade it for anything in this world. I am a mom, and I prefer Mama.

Dino, dino, dino- saur, dino, dino, dino-saur….racing day it’s racing day, today’s the day we race…Linny, Tuck, and Ming Ming too, we’re wonder pets and we’ll help you… this is the song that never ends, yes, it goes on and on my friends, some people started singin’ it not knowin’ what it was…

You are welcome.

Family Life According To Me

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TGIF

by motherofwonder

Today’s Thankful Friday is all about the kiddos. Some days it’s easy to forget just what a privilege it is to be their mama. With all the heat we’ve been having, we’ve done lots of fun activities to keep ourselves entertained and cool! And everywhere we’ve gone I’ve had people (strangers even!) come up to tell me how well behaved the E children are. And they really are. But just like most people probably think I’m well behaved… sometimes I lose my cool too. And it’s just so easy to sometimes equate busy with naughty. My kids are very busy. Always on the move, always talking, and always playing… and sometimes when they’re not moving or playing in the way I want or the place I want, or with more toys than I would want, it’s easy to feel like they’re being naughty, when in fact, they aren’t, they’re just energetic vocal children! So today I’m thankful for the fun we’ve had during these hot, hot days; the friends we’ve gotten to visit with; and the little people in my life who make it all worthwhile. And I am so thankful for them each individually. I know some people say that they don’t have a favorite, and some of them say they do… I never could. They are each so different and bring joys in different ways.

Biggest E is my sweet boy. He is the one to tell me that he loves me more than anybody he’s ever known. Loooves bear hugs (he’s not happy until he’s practically knocked you over) And gives kisses for days. (tonight he asked if he could also share his kisses with his daddy. After careful consideration, I gave him permission, just this once. He told me not to worry, because he was willing to give me kisses for all the dark times and all the sun times.)

Miss E is just a wonder to behold. Not only is she beautiful, she is smart, and she is sassy. And I’m fairly certain she’ll have her parents outsmarted in no time. But she is my girl. She wants to sit and paint our toenails together. She likes to sit in the bathroom while I shower and talk to me. She’s always a willing partner to go shopping with. And while the red in her hair may show signs of her temper, she is growing more compassionate and thoughtful as she grows. Even last summer, at just under 2, as soon as she’d wake up in the morning, throw her arms around me, and declare, “Oh, Mommy, I was missing you!”

And my youngest E, well not only is he my medical miracle, he is such a happy, good natured boy. He makes the funniest faces, and has the silliest laugh. And even by 6 months, he was already a hugger. He loves to throw his hands around my neck. He’s also into kisses, especially if he sees his siblings getting in on the action, he’s quick to push them out of his way to lay one on me. And he’s such a cuddler (really, they all are), he’s always willing to get a quick snuggle in before going off to play.

I wouldn’t change any of them, and I love them all dearly… through and through.

Family Life According To Me Thankful Fridays

These Are The Days

by motherofwonder

So this is, what I believe, the “whirlwind month” of the year… at least until the winter-time holidays happen. 2 weeks ago was Easter, followed by a week of my brother-in-law staying with us, followed by a 2 day reprieve, followed by a week with my brother-in-law, his wife and son, all staying with us, followed by a mini vacation with the whole in-law family… followed by extreme exhaustion! But there’s no rest for the wicked- my side of the family is coming into town this week, for my brother’s wedding this weekend. Throw in a computer crash, an internet shut down, and kids with fevers and runny noses… let’s just say that today is the first real quiet day we’ve had in a long time and the kids are spending most of it in my lap or quietly playing nearby, and I’m totally ok with it.

While the busyness and the overnight guests have left me a little frayed, we have certainly had a good time. We have had late night dance parties, Uno games, and lots of Thomas the Train movie marathons. And yes, a few glasses of wine! My nephew (our only!) is the same age as Biggest E and they are best friends. It is so fun to watch them playing together. Not quite so fun to watch them turning it into a “boy’s club” that Miss E is not allowed in, because of her unfortunate gender. But 4-year-old boys will be 4-year-old boys. And I am happy to announce that today the biggest brother is happily playing with his sister, with no mention of her being “just a girl.” This last week, with my sister-in-law, I feel like I got a taste of what it would have been like to have grown up with a sister (I grew up with 3 brothers and no sisters)… we have had lots of long conversations, dish washing, dancing, and maybe some hair pulling and fighting. Mostly in fun. (*If you knew her you would totally be giggling along with me thinking of all the fun we’ve had. She’s tricky, that girl!)

We’ve had so many late nights, with early mornings that by last night, hubbyman and I were thoroughly exhausted. And the kids were too. Even the puppy was tired after his overnight/playdate while we were out-of-town. After doing a few odd jobs around the house, we all crashed on the couch with a big bowl of popcorn and some Donkey Kong on the Wii (our kids actually enjoy watching us play- they like the monkeys). All-in-all, it was a WONDERFUL Mother’s Day. A hotel overnight (that had a huge playland for kids, lots of pools, and lots of fun), a Mother’s Day Brunch, a car ride home with the 2 youngest sleeping while the oldest serenaded us (for an hour), a yummy dinner (made entirely of reheated leftovers), an uninterrupted bath, and a banner filled with kids’ colorings and handprints that is better than any store-bought card! And as a Mother’s Day gift I’ll be adding littlest E’s birthstone to my mother’s necklace! I’m calling it a success! And my brother-in-law was kind enough to leave me his laptop so that I could attempt and actually do some blogging this week, and the internet is working again so hopefully the stars are lined up!

In honor of Mother’s Day, my children who made me a mother, my wonderful mother and mother-in-law… I am making a list of some of the best things about being a mom… or at least some of my favorite things.

You now have a legitimate excuse to nap!
A life-size doll you can dress any way you’d like… at least until they are old enough to take them off and redress themselves. This may be why my oldest has an affinity for ties and my daughter is already picky about her shoes.
You can make macaroni (or noodles with any form of cheese sauce) 5 days a week, without complaint.
The same goes for peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.
Sprinkles are acceptable on any form of food/any meal of the day.
You can become a hero simply by adding a swirl of chocolate to milk.
You can watch Disney movies anytime you want.
The sillier you look/act- the better!
Laughter. lots of laughter.
Your receive your salary in kisses, hugs, and being told that you are the best person ever.

Motherhood is a tough job. Even Oprah believes it to be the toughest job in the world– and who am I to argue with her?! It often leaves me feeling tired, overwhelmed, and underappreciated. But for me, I know that no matter where life leads me down this crazy road, I am never going to be more fulfilled than when I look at my children; I will never have more pride than when I see them succeed; and never more happy than when I spend time immersed in the blessings that this little family of mine has created. I will never be able to express eloquently enough, my thankfulness to God for this unique, wonderful, crazy, exhausting, coffee-fueled life.

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Family Life According To Me

Stranger Happenings

by motherofwonder

So we have lots of things going on right now… hubby’s brother (and his family) are moving to China and are here to visit before they leave. Which also overlaps with my brother getting married, and so we’re gearing up for that (as all but littlest E is a part of the festivities) and anticipating the arrival of a host of other out of town family members that we don’t normally get to see. So when I say we’re busy, I mean, things are insane and I’m going a little crazy!! But we are enjoying the family time and hopefully we are able to really make the most of it! So if you’re wondering why I’ve suddenly become so boring or why my posts are no longer adding spice to your life… now you know.

So with all of the busyness of these weeks… I have some kids that seem to be a little wound, as well as myself. And Hubby/Daddy, he’s just plain tired. My normally, I-don’t-know-how-to-be-unhappy baby is crying, whining, and basically clinging to my legs all day long. Which does leave me a little big on the frayed side. Thankfully, Hubs came home early yesterday and so I was able to jump in the truck and go to the grocery store. I know it’s lame that most of my “down time” (read: kid free time) is spent at the grocery store, but they’re only little for a very short time. I’m never going to look back and say, “Man, I wish I would have spent more time away from the kids when they were little.” (I don’t see myself saying that about missing any point of their lives, but especially now.) Anyhow, I tend to dawdle at the store, because it’s my de-stress time, lame as it may be.

Usually my hour long grocery trip is uneventful, and the cashier is the only person to talk to me, and I’m just fine with that. And it’s enough time that I get home and the kids are like, “Yay! Mom’s home!” and I’m glad to see them. Yesterday was pretty much the same except for one minor detail. I say minor, because it really was no big deal. To look in, you’d never think of it as anything substantial. But for me, after the day I’d had with the kids, it was. Let me preface this by saying that we spent the weekend out of town and that I didn’t know until a day or two before that we were even going out of town. Then we got home past bedtime on Sunday and had company coming the next day. Starting to get the picture? And if I haven’t mentioned this before, I do not like disorder, and I like it even less when visible to people who don’t live with me. So I’m scrambling and trying to get things done as quickly as I can, while the children run behind me undoing just about every thing I do… and then add the fussing baby (do to teething and the busy weekend). So I was about to merge onto the meltdown lane. And then I went to the store.

I’m at the checkout, and the lady behind me starts making small talk as we wait. Why do they stick those order separator things so far out of your reach anyways? I smile and agree it’s ridiculous. And then this stranger showed me kindness. She looked at me and said, “You must have small children.” I quickly look myself over trying to find the stamp (or hand print) that screamed, “I’m a mom.” I didn’t see any. Unless the state of my hair, my sweatpants, and the exhaustion in my eyes count. I smiled and said 3 and asked how she could tell.. She just smiled and said she’d recognized the look of exhaustion the can only be caused by 2 types of parenting: the under 3 crowd or the teenage crowd. And since I didn’t look old enough to have teenagers, it must be the former. I smiled and nodded, then asked her, “Teenagers?” She smiled, and I saw the exhaustion in her eyes as well as she nodded. And that was the the long and the short of our “conversation.” But somehow, afterwards I felt a little bit more refreshed. I think that it offered some sense of community. A moment of “I’ve been there before.” combined with “we’ve all got our own struggles,” that made me feel a sense of the bigger picture as well. They’re not little for long, we all have different struggles, each as unique, and as hard, and as scary, and as sad as anyone else’s, because they are our own. But for a brief moment in time, I felt like I wasn’t alone in my struggle after all. So the next time you’re at the grocery store, the gas station, walking down the road… offer a little support to those you meet. Even if it’s only in the form of a smile. You never know how life changing (even if momentarily) it can be.

Family Life According To Me