Where Whine Meets Wine

DumbA of the Week Award

Want to feel like mother of the year? Well, let me tell you some things you should maybe not do then…

  • Do not forget to change baby IMMEDIATELY. Unless you want to be covered in pee.
  • Do not forget to take Littlest potty (first!) before letting him take off naked. Unless you want the floor to also be covered in pee.
  • Do not forget to read the labels of all foods. Even if it’s something you think they’ve had before. Especially if it’s a different brand. Unless you want you Celiac-ridden child to be sick to her stomach, unwilling to do anything but lay around like a wet noodle.
  • Forget to feed you oldest breakfast, unless you want to be asked why you’re trying to starve your children. And that you don’t really love him anymore.
  • Don’t decide not to pick up milk the night before so that you ca just take a walk to the store. Unless you want you a guarantee your day won’t go as planned. And you’ll still have no milk.
  • Don’t give the baby a bottle of water (when he’s requested milk). Unless you want said bottle thrown at your head. And then to be asked if you’re not feeding Littlest because you want him to shrink and starve too (said Biggest).
  • Don’t wear your favorite, new, or anything else you’d like to wear again when you have a kid with an upset stomach. Unless you want a visualization of what’s making said tummy upset.
I feel I should also mention that last night I locked my keys in the car. We were meeting my dad to pick up biggest’s car seat that had been left in their vehicle. The whole trip was spent with MissE going on and on about how unsafe it was to ride without a car seat. Only to have her have to ride home without one. And then get so caught up talking that the fact that you’re heading to Dad’s house, and not where the truck is, goes by unnoticed…

I could go on, but I won’t, for my own sanity’s sake. Let’s just say, today is not going as planned. And my reactions to it, well, they’re not winning me any mother of the year awards. So I’m going to make some of MissE’s favorite soup (broccoli and cheddar) and do some cuddling. And hope that’s enough to win back some of their mother love. And maybe some of my own.

I wonder if I can use my wine slushie mix with Vodka? Seems like a good day to investigate.


Making lemonade out of children

Let’s face it, life is…hard. No matter what stage, status, or anything else that you’re defined by… it’s hard for all of us. In ways as unique as we each are. Whether today’s hard stuff is finishing a project by the deadline with your job on the line, or finding a job, or surviving your job (or your kids!)… we’re all going through something. And sometimes, in the middle of the storm, there really isn’t a silver lining…but maybe, just maybe, there is some laughter.

I’ve found just when my attitude begins effecting my parenting… they say or do something that reminds me of who I’m dealing with, and how old they are. Like this scenario:

Miss E loves to run. And loves for YOU to run WITH her. So when my peach of a girl asked if she could have a cookie, after she’d eaten lunch, I grabbed her by the hand and said- Let’s run! Big E came scrambling behind, grinning with the silliness of running a few feet for a cookie. Then he began talking, but I was already engaged in a conversation with Miss E and quickly found myself becoming annoyed with him…until I heard his words. But Moooom, why were you running? The cookies can’t go anywhere! And of course, laughter ensued. And my grinning, dimpled boy walked off, cookie in hand, pleased as punch he’d successfully said something funny, maybe even intentionally. (this happened last week)

or one of my absolute favorites:

Big E was sitting on the bed next to me, while I was changing a 2month old Ethan’s diaper, and I was talking about how chubby Littlest E was. And Big E asks,

Were Miss E and I chubby when we was babies?

Yes, you were very chubby. You had the arms and Miss E had the legs.

(with wide eyes full of concern) I didn’t have any legs?!

another favorite MissE moment was when I found her in the kitchen, dressed in a lion costume while hopping like a frog… only to be informed she was actually a puppy?!

or this conversation with Big E:

Mom, go away!

Excuse me, you don’t talk to me that way.

Mom, will you please go away?

or the time Big E asked me where his dinosaur was (*he has about 100different dinosaurs and knows the name of all of them)…

which dinosaur?

The one with 2 eyes and 1 mouth and sharp claws.

Well, that narrows it down.

Good, then go get it.

(insert a “you shouldn’t talk to me that way” speech and then me handing him several different dinosaurs to which he responds no, and then…)

The ornithomymus! That one is not a stegosaurus. See no spikes on his back?

Ok, well, the name would have been helpful in the beginning.

(*shrugs*) You didn’t ask that.

Big E’s favorite joke is: Knock knock. Who’s there? Panther. Panther who? Panther no pants, I’m going swimming. (*I should add, he finds this joke HILARIOUS. And shows it by throwing his whole body over in laughter with his hands over his face.*)

Miss E always enters the scene at this point, saying, “I’ve got an even better joke.” Knock knock. Who’s there? Panther. Panther who? I’m panther’s sister and I’m going swimming too. (*Picture this being told with a body wiggling in time with the words and an air of “I’m doing a better one than my brother.” I’m pretty sure the hilarity of this joke is in no small part to all the well-timed wiggling*)

And because we all laughed so enthusiastically the first time these jokes were told, they are continued to be told in various households and stores, in hopes of passing on their wonderful wit to various friends, family, and strangers. You should be so lucky to find yourself in a conversation of hilarity with one of them. These are just some of the conversations that help me keep things in perspective… or at least keep me laughing. ♥

*moments after I posted this, I looked down at Littlest E, who’d been playing with a bath toy- a rubber ducky, only to realize he’d moved on to the water dish (of course)… to my surprise he wasn’t tipping the dish over or spilling the water out… he was, putting his ducky in the water. 

Which reminded me of the only time (*so far*) one of our children put something other than toilet paper in the toilet… this master piece was done by Big E.

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