doula | laborofwonder

Beautiful Family, Friends, and Awards

by motherofwonder

Ok friends and family, I have some new and exciting news! I got my super cute, new business cards in the mail (photo to come) and since my cards have my website on it… I figured I should actually do some ironing out of it before handing them out! Ok, so I already started handing them out, and it’s a small amount of “ironing” that I’ve done… but still! Cards are here, website is client friendly at least! So… you should check it out, you know, just because you guys are awesome like that! And lastly, if you’re in my area… refer your pregnant selves, friends, and family to me!

Also, I was nominated for the Beautiful Blogger Award by the lovely mama over at Going Coverless! Thank you, thank you! Mamas, papas, and everybody else (nursing, natural, wonderful) you should definitely check her out!

In receiving this award you’re asked to nominate six of your favorite blogs to receive the Beautiful Blogger Award as well. Instead, I’m just going to give you the list of blogs that I read every time they post (usually via email) and think that you should also join me (again, that includes Going Coverless!)

Becoming Cliche she is one funny, sarcastic, tongue-in-cheek mama… and she shares me love of turtles. I love it!
Searching For Middle Ground she is one of those lovely ladies where you read their posts and you feel like you’re there with her, sitting and chatting over a cup of coffee. You feel like she’s talking to you and that you’re friends. She’s a doll of a lady!
Stuff I Can’t Put On Facebook she is funny and life throws funny situations at her almost daily. And I love every moment of it! Seriously, through your posts you’ll feel like you’re chatting with your girlfriend at happy hour. It’s fantastic!
Windsomebella she is wise, smart, an incredible writer and an amazing photographer. Seriously, you have to see her posts. I say see because the photos are breathtaking and the words thought provoking and they always go hand in hand.
Somethingville she is also wise, smart, funny, and quick-witted who is also one of the top photographers ever. Plus she is an absolute sweetheart. Her current series on re-discovering happiness is a must read!
Confluent Kitchen funny and an awesome cook who shares my views on baking! Good thoughts, good foods, what more could you ask for?
Flamidwyfe’s Blog she is so awesome I want to be her friend, or co worker, or even just a fly on the wall of wherever she is! Quick witted, says what she thinks, and lost 100lbs in the last year- this woman is amazing! And that’s not even to talk of her birthing love and support of mine! She’s inspiring and funny and someone I aspire to be like!

Ok, it is nap time for Littlest… but I have just a few more I wanted to add. If they all sound very similar (caring, funny, honest, inspiring… it’s because they are! Each of these woman make me feel like I want to be their friend and that they are! It’s an amazing family that I’ve found here in blog-land!) And here are the rest of the blogs and bloggers that I follow and love and are no less than amazing!

Party of Five Love (she makes the cutest bows ever, I have yet to try- but I will…someday!)
A Mom Inspired (she is so sweet and thoughtful and I love listening her thoughtfulness as she raises her children and lives life!)
We’re Jumpin (honest mama with a focus on her living the life God wants for her)
Delete Wheat with Christine Petty (recipes, life, love, and now weight loss- you go, lady!)
House of 34 (she has 34 bookshelves in her home and is a serious DIYer and is fabulous at it! I love her ideas!)
Mommy Man (I love hearing the daddy perspective! He and his partner have such love for their twins that it overflows the page is just beautiful… and he -and his kids!- is/are really funny!)

Life According To Me

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Not Gone. Just Living.

by motherofwonder

I’m hoping to get back into blogging…I know I’ve been far and few between lately. I’d made the decision to keep the computer off, or at least in use minimally (and I mean minimally) during the day and evenings… and if time was going to be spent on the computer, it would be after the kids had gone to bed. By the time that happens… I’m usually about spent. So I haven’t gotten there yet. We’re in the constant process of streamlining. Our lives our activities, and especially our things. I’m working on getting things more organized (well, I’m pretty much always working on that, but it’s been a more active process lately.), and paring down all the things that we have. A house full of things will not make anyone happy. A house full of love could make anyone happy.

It’s not just the distraction of electronics though. I’ve been guiltified (That’s right, it’s a new word. Accept it and move on.) about housework too. How many afternoons have we skipped the walk or trip to the playground because the whole house wasn’t clean? A lot. How many days have I wished we wouldn’t have gone to the playground and stayed home to clean? Absolutely none. So in the last two weeks we have spent afternoons on the deck, sitting in the pool. Making and playing playdough on days when it’s been gray and raining. We have been living and loving. And I have still gotten a few loads of laundry done in between. I’m calling success. There’s food in their bellies, clothes on their backs (or at the least covering their bottoms- hey, they’re little!), and definitely smiles on their faces. They’ve been happier with me, and I’ve been happier with them.

I have another confession. I thought I would feel really resentful of not getting the day time to process out blog posts, but I’ve actually found it to be freeing once I let it go. I don’t want to lose the blog (or my lovely, wonderful followers), but I do feel like I’ve found my life. You see, I was trying to have it “all.” (But really, aren’t we all?) I wanted to have a perfectly clean, perfectly organized home; a well-loved family who I spend intentional time with; a successful blog; an abundant garden; and the start of a new career. Most of these things could take up most of your day if not all of your day, individually. And I was trying for it all, simultaneously. I felt like everything was only being half-done and half-heartedly at best. So I’ve already mentioned how freeing it feels, but I’m going to say it again. Totally freeing. I can throw in laundry in between games, activities, and outside fun with the kids (and gardening too). And TV has been limited too! So there is no doing things around TV times, we watch TV as it fits around our life! Which is obviously, how it should be! Totally freeing. And I feel so much happier and content the more and more we move towards our intentional living ideals. It’s awesome. I’m less stressed, I’m less frantic, and I think I actually do get more things done because I have less distractions and aren’t trying to do 100 things all at the same time. As the kids get older, some things will be easier and time may be more easily managed (and maybe some day I’ll have help with the laundry), but for now this is where I’m at. And I’m loving it.

For my fellow bloggers- I’m still following! I do most of my reading on my phone which makes it impossible to leave comments, but I am still reading and enjoying all the lovely and funny things you have to say! One of these days you will each have a million notices from all the liking and commenting catching up I’ll do! I am also intending to get some posting done this week (and hubby has agreed to help make some time available for me on the weekends too so I can do some posting and scheduling.) so I’m not gone, just living.

Family Life According To Me Marriage

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Life Begins After Coffee

by motherofwonder

Well, folks… there are some changes coming. Our family had agreed to do in-home daycare for some dear friends of ours. And they’ve since changed their minds. Don’t get me wrong, I was thrilled to have been asked and excited to have a tiny baby in our home again… but I am relieved. I can’t say I’m not at all disappointed, but overall I feel like this is the best for everyone. They will likely use a center so that they don’t have to worry about what they’ll do if I get sick, and I will have the freedom to continue taking on doula clients instead of only being able to do “scheduled” ones. Plus, it means I have some freedom still with the kids- we can go on day trips to visit friends and family, and we can still leave early for weekend getaways, without having to wait until pick up and leaving at bedtime. These are real advantages. I figure I’ll settle for being friends and maybe they’ll let me babysit once in a while! (Yes, I do love babies *that* much!)

So… it means I need to set up a website for doula clients to find me, refine what my services will be, and fun things like that. Plus, we’re wanting to start selling some of our homemade personal products! So you can be looking forward to some giveaways in the near future! We’ve decided that since natural and organic and living with intention are things that we’re passionate about and believe in, we will offer the recipes along with the products! So if you want to make it yourself- fantastic! We’ll help you! Just want to try it out, before you invest in the ingredients? Perfect- we’ll sell you some samples. Or you just don’t want to go through the hassle of making it yourself, no big deal- we’ve got you covered! Sound exciting? I think so too!

And… my hubby is fixing my laptop!! I’m not sure if it was becomes of the time lapse, or just a different customer service rep, but they were no longer willing to cover shipping, and we will had to pay for the repairs… so he took it to work today to take it apart and check out if he could just buy a replacement screen and exactly what kind he’d need. Apparently it’s cheaper. I’ve got my fingers crossed that it happens before our big trip in June! Between no laptop and my tablet dying… (which we’d always used in place of getting a new portable dvd player) it may be a really long trip for the kiddos. So that’s pretty exciting. I’ve been waiting since February for that!

And because I have so many new and exciting things and adventures that I want to begin… I need some organization. At home. At my desk. In my life. So I’m signing off here (for today) and getting to it… but I couldn’t help but leave you with this first:

I need this put onto a tshirt. Then I could rotate between that one and my current favorite T, which reads: Life begins after Coffee.

Life According To Me

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The Doula Houla

by motherofwonder

I know, I know, you’ve been waiting with baited breath. Just waiting for me to write another post. Pour out everything about how my weekend went. Surprisingly, I don’t feel like it. I know, I know…it’s weird. I think that it all just feel really personal, and maybe I’m not ready to share that just yet. Sound strange coming from someone who blogs? Yeah, felt a little strange saying it.

Yesterday, I spent a full hour staring at the screen. Never getting more than the above paragraph out. I still feel like I’m at a loss for words. Helping someone birth, and apparently, even the preparation for doing so, is much like giving birth yourself. It’s emotional, it’s physical, it’s beautiful. And it’s very personal.

My weekend was so incredibly amazing. I was truly surprised at the diversity in women. And I don’t mean just racially or culturally even. There were all ages. While I was not the oldest, I was definitely not the youngest. Actually, I was probably in the top half of the age bracket. Another thing that surprised me was that half of the class were not mothers. They just loved pregnancy/pregnant women, babies, and birthing. And wanted to learn more about it.

Let’s face it. For those of us who are mamas, our birthing stories are highly personal. So much so, that they affect how we feel about ourselves. A mama who had a birth that left her feeling like Wonder Woman? Well, studies have shown that it can turn a previously low-self-esteemed woman into someone with much more confidence in herself. A woman with good self esteem and then has a birth that made her feel out of control and like it happened to her (rather than something she chose), well, studies have also shown that that will knock her self-esteem down a few pegs.

I think that I am also more aware of my role, as a doula, in doing all that I can to make sure that it’s a birth they can look back on in pride. Always keeping the How will she remember this? in the forefront of my mind as I offer suggestions and support. Obviously, I can’t birth for them. And births can kind of have a mind of their own… I’ve certainly had a birth that did not go the way I’d planned in my mind. It’s all about support.

I have received some awesome support this last week. Support of my friends encouraging me (and saying they’ll use me for their next babies!), my husband who listened to me unload and process through all the information and feelings at the end of each late night. Support of my family who kept my babies for a weekend. (The kids had a blast. I’m still feeling the repercussions of being separated for so long. I feel like it was too long- for me!) I am thankful for the wonderful women I trained with (and the oh so amazing wonder woman who led our training). They were a support, a help, a community. Some women had some great stories about birthing their babes, and others shed tears as they told theirs. As women, I think when our births don’t go according to plan, we tend to feel like failures. I mean it’s birth, it’s kind of what we do. What our bodies just know how to do. There is a lot of deep-seated emotions that go along with the thought I failed at something my body is supposed to be able to do instinctively, on its own.

If you can’t tell already, I’m still processing some of my own feelings about birth. I’m learning to let it go. To accept it was it was. And to focus on some positives. Like the fact that when I wasn’t scared out of my gourd in previous births -especially my first- I felt like a rock star. I labored quietly in the night, letting my hubbyman get some sleep. I was relaxed enough to sleep in between contractions during the day, so much that the day seemed to go by quickly. I labored at home. I moved around. My water broke just as we were going through the gates to get on base (military). An hour and a half later… I was a mother. And he was perfect. And I felt like super woman. Like I could do anything. I birthed a baby, ok, that’s somethin‘.

The next two births left me with beautiful, perfect, healthy babies… and a little bit disillusionment of the medical world. I felt like this long, intensive, informative weekend helped in that aspect. Not that I now have unshakable faith in the medical community, but it was healing to hear of midwives, Drs, and nurses who have done things to protect the process I so fiercely believe in.

There is a secret in our culture and it is not that birth is painful but that women are strong.

-Laura Stavoe Harm

That is not to imply that if your labor didn’t go as planned, or it wasn’t what you wanted, that you are not strong enough. (Feel like that’s not a helpful quote for women? I can see why- read this. The truth is that the quote actually is from an essay talking about how we need to talk more about our births. You can read about it here.)

After my weekend, I feel like that quote resonates. Even though I did not feel strong during the birthing of my last baby, looking back, faced with insurmountable odds and lack of support (outside of my hubby and doula)… I birthed my baby. And that’s what really counts.

Life According To Me

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Here I Come!

by motherofwonder

Ok, ya’ll, we have a problem. I am in a bit of a panic over here. Have I mentioned that they had an opening for a Doula Workshop and I immediately got signed up? I’ve ordered all necessary books, done all necessary registration, and screeched with joy when hubbyman agreed I should do it!

For those of you wondering what a doula is, here is what wikipedia had to say about it:

a nonmedical person who assists a woman before, during or after childbirth, as well as her partner and/or family by providing information, physical assistance and emotional support.^[1] The provision of continuous support during labour by doulas (as well as nurses, family or friends) is associated with improved maternal and fetal health and a variety of other benefits.^[1]^[4]

In contrast to the goal of medical professionals (a safe childbirth), the goal of a doula is to ensure the mother feels safe and confident before, during and after delivery.^[6] Doulas can be controversial within medical settings due to pressure on mothers to avoid medical interventions and pursue natural childbirth without an epidural or medically necessary caesarean sections.^[7]

I have a couple comments in response to that… I’m glad they added that there’s improved maternal and fetal heath, along with other benefits. But I wish they wouldn’t have said “associated with.” Implying that it may or may not be true. It is true. There, I said it. Also, as far as #7 goes. It made me want to pull my hair out. No, Drs don’t always appreciate a doula, because if they are telling their patient something, they don’t really want anyone else to tell them otherwise. But it is COMPLETELY (I can’t stress this enough) asinine to say that a doula would ever (and I mean ever) pressure a mother to avoid a medically necessary c-section!!! Would we want to exhaust all other options if there were a way around it? Obviously, because isn’t that better than a major surgery that has it’s own sets of risks and worries? (Yes, the correct answer is yes.) And doulas are not there to pressure the mother into anything. Usually a doula is there to provide the mother enough support that she has the birth that she wants, (sometimes) despite the hospital staff’s pressures. That was my experience.

I think I knew as soon as I became a mother that I wanted to do something more closely related to mothers and babies than a general early childhood development and education could give me. But I was a little caught up in my own world of mothering and babies to really think about my version of that with others. We greatly appreciated our doula with our firstborn (yes, my doula was my mother.) Hubbyman told anyone and everyone who would listen that they had to get a doula because it was that important, and made that much of a difference for him. I cannot stress enough the importance of having another person there to advocate for you and support you and your decisions.

After Littlest’s birth, I knew I needed to be a doula. I need to make sure that his birth story (or it’s fallout) does not happen to other women.

So here I am, just over 24 hours from my training weekend. And suddenly, I’m so nervous I could pee. Or cry. Despite how much I share on here, in real life… well let’s say I’m not as forthcoming. I’ve been viewed as stuck up, sometimes even snotty… at least in my teens. Not because that’s how I really am, but I remember this? I’m more introvert than extrovert. The class will be with about 20 other women. So while it’s a little more than a handful, it’s still small enough that it’ll be fairly intimate. I mean it’s three days of 1-9pm sessions. It means I’m probably going to have to talk, to someone. Maybe even in front of everyone. Yikes. Deep breaths. There’s a reason my “platform” is behind a computer screen and not in front of a live audience, folks. I’ve been flipping through all my doula, pregnancy, birthing, and breastfeeding books… because what if someone says something and I don’t know what they’re talking about? What if they look at me like the lady in the grocery store did? Ok, more deep breaths. I am a strong, intelligent woman and mother of three naturally born babies… this is something I want to do and can do.

Yesterday, I was clever

that’s why I wanted to change the world.

Today, I am wise

that is why I am changing myself.

-Sri Chinmoy

{inspired by the lovely Christine at Somethingville}

Today, I am letting myself feel my nerves. Today I am letting myself feel a little panicked. Today I am letting myself feel a little worried and scared. Tomorrow, I will grab myself by my bootstraps, get myself together, and be brave. I will look the other brave, likeminded women in the eye and talk to them openly. I will open my heart and mind to all the information they are willing to offer. Especially the instructor. I will see the change in myself.

(pinterest)

And then, in a few short weeks, I will hold my sister (in-law)’s hand as I do all I can as her doula to make her birthing my nephew as uncomplicated, and wonderful as they deserve it to be. The thought of that gives me energy and encouragement.

Thank you for withstanding my little freak out session.