Where Whine Meets Wine

Christmas Sadness

So…I didn’t post anything yesterday (you obviously noticed instead of sitting there obliviously, right?? I’m going with, obviously!) and I thought about skipping it today…. but thoughts of you won out. That’s right, you.

The holidays are always a hard time for me, emotionally, physically, mentally… it’s the time of year I’ve always struggled most. It’s seasonal depression-esque but probably a little heavier. I have trouble sleeping- I toss and turn, even though I’ve made a point to go to bed earlier than I normally do and have outlawed the computer in the bedroom so that I have nothing distracting me from sleep- other than myself. And then I wake up and I’m so tired you’d think I barely slept the night before and it’s truly all I can do to drag myself out of bed. This morning I realized that as I get older, it may be worsening instead of being alleviated.  My tip off? The fact that I sat and looked longingly at the coffee maker, wanting coffee, but thinking I just didn’t have it in me to actually make the coffee. It just seemed like so much effort. Uh, what? Houston, we definitely have a problem.

Hubbyman will admit it, begrudgingly, but he too as seasonal depression. I’m sure a good part of his is that he never sees the sun. It’s dark when he leaves for work and it’s dark when he comes home- and that is hard on a person! I’ve been trying to coax him into talking to a Dr. about it, but it seems a little silly when I have not done that myself. Maybe we can go together and it’ll be like a date. (Yeah, that’s not happening.) But I am hoping that if I decide to take the leap of faith and trust that I don’t have to feel this way, maybe he will too. Instead of laying back to back, tossing and turning, both battling the same restless feelings, without the words to fully explain them. (Plus, as a spouse it’s hard to not internalize your partners feelings.)  The point of why I’m sharing this? (Because I’m not exactly enjoying telling people that I think making coffee is a lot of work… c’mon, coffee?! It does explain the mountain of laundry though, if I think coffee is a big deal.) Maybe you’re feeling that way, or maybe someone you love is feeling that way. Know that you’re not alone, know that they aren’t trying to be a grump during the time of year lots of people become bubbley annoying versions for their former put together selves. So talk. Talk about your feelings, talk about their feelings. And remember it’s ok. See a Dr., see a therapist, see your best friend. There is no shame in doing what is necessary for you, or your spouse, partner, friend, family member…. No shame. Only encouragement, support, and hopefully a better nights’ sleep.

The truth is, I’m antsy even sitting here, with visions of laundry fairies and diaper genies dancing in my head. I’m pretty sure they’re laughing at me and how they won’t be visiting my house, instead leaving me to wash all the diapers, and the rest of the laundry on my own. Me, who thinks coffee making takes a lot of effort. Yikes. If I can figure out a way to bribe -or blackmail- them, I’ll be sure to let you know.


Stranger Happenings

So we have lots of things going on right now… hubby’s brother (and his family) are moving to China and are here to visit before they leave. Which also overlaps with my brother getting married, and so we’re gearing up for that (as all but littlest E is a part of the festivities) and anticipating the arrival of a host of other out of town family members that we don’t normally get to see. So when I say we’re busy, I mean, things are insane and  I’m going a little crazy!! But we are enjoying the family time and hopefully we are able to really make the most of it! So if you’re wondering why I’ve suddenly become so boring or why my posts are no longer adding spice to your life… now you know.

So with all of the busyness of these weeks… I have some kids that seem to be a little wound, as well as myself. And Hubby/Daddy, he’s just plain tired. My normally, I-don’t-know-how-to-be-unhappy baby is crying, whining, and basically clinging to my legs all day long. Which does leave me a little big on the frayed side. Thankfully, Hubs came home early yesterday and so I was able to jump in the truck and go to the grocery store. I know it’s lame that most of my “down time” (read: kid free time) is spent at the grocery store, but they’re only little for a very short time. I’m never going to look back and say, “Man, I wish I would have spent more time away from the kids when they were little.” (I don’t see myself saying that about missing any point of their lives, but especially now.) Anyhow, I tend to dawdle at the store, because it’s my de-stress time, lame as it may be.

Usually my hour long grocery trip is uneventful, and the cashier is the only person to talk to me, and I’m just fine with that. And it’s enough time that I get home and the kids are like, “Yay! Mom’s home!” and I’m glad to see them. Yesterday was pretty much the same except for one minor detail. I say minor, because it really was no big deal. To look in, you’d never think of it as anything substantial. But for me, after the day I’d had with the kids, it was. Let me preface this by saying that we spent the weekend out of town and that I didn’t know until a day or two before that we were even going out of town. Then we got home past bedtime on Sunday and had company coming the next day. Starting to get the picture? And if I haven’t mentioned this before, I do not like disorder, and I like it even less when visible to people who don’t live with me. So I’m scrambling and trying to get things done as quickly as I can, while the children run behind me undoing just about every thing I do… and then add the fussing baby (do to teething and the busy weekend). So I was about to merge onto the meltdown lane. And then I went to the store.

I’m at the checkout, and the lady behind me starts making small talk as we wait. Why do they stick those order separator things so far out of your reach anyways? I smile and agree it’s ridiculous. And then this stranger showed me kindness. She looked at me and said, “You must have small children.”  I quickly look myself over trying to find the stamp (or hand print) that screamed, “I’m a mom.” I didn’t see any. Unless the state of my hair, my sweatpants, and the exhaustion in my eyes count. I smiled and said 3 and asked how she could tell.. She just smiled and said she’d recognized the look of exhaustion the can only be caused by 2 types of parenting: the under 3 crowd or the teenage crowd. And since I didn’t look old enough to have teenagers, it must be the former. I smiled and nodded, then asked her, “Teenagers?” She smiled, and I saw the exhaustion in her eyes as well as she nodded. And that was the the long and the short of our “conversation.” But somehow, afterwards I felt a little bit more refreshed. I think that it offered some sense of community. A moment of “I’ve been there before.” combined with “we’ve all got our own struggles,”  that made me feel a sense of the bigger picture as well. They’re not little for long, we all have different struggles, each as unique, and as hard, and as scary, and as sad as anyone else’s, because they are our own. But for a brief moment in time, I felt like I wasn’t alone in my struggle after all. So the next time you’re at the grocery store, the gas station, walking down the road… offer a little support to those you meet. Even if it’s only in the form of a smile. You never know how life changing (even if momentarily) it can be.

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