I had a very strange dream last night. It started off as me driving, in the rain, with all three of my children in the back in their car seats. One started fussing or crying or something and I adjusted my mirror to look at them. All the sudden I see the SUV behind me is actually police, with their lights on. So I pull over and roll down the window. He immediately looks in the back at all three children and then turns to me and suddenly I’m in another dream! I’m no longer the driver- hubbyman is, and I’m the passenger. About 6ish months pregnant. And I don’t really remember what the policeman said to the hubs, but I do remember talking to him about how I no longer fit in any of my clothes and we’d just found out the sex of the baby and so we were on our way to go shopping! And then I woke up. The funny thing is, the 2nd dream was actually more of a reenactment because that scene really happened. Thankfully he was a sweet man, who recognized that there was no posted speed limit and warned my hubby to drive slower with his extra special cargo. I hadn’t thought of that day in.. I don’t know when I’ve thought back on it, actually. As my mind continued to wander through that day, I remembered the sweetness of being pregnant with our very first baby, the excitement over just finding out he was in fact a boy (I knew it!), and the lasting impression of seeing my husband changing into a father as he wandered around a baby store thoughtfully picking out clothes for our baby (he was particularly fond of things with duckies on them).
I have had the honor of seeing my husband go through many things and make many changes in his life, as I’ve known him for half of it. I have seen him go from adolescent to man, from friend to spouse, from wild child to military man, from military man to civilian (in a job he actually loves!), but my favorite conversion was watching him grow into a father. (I may pay for sharing this!) My favorite picture -that always moves me to tears- is one from just seconds after Big E was born, baby on my chest, hubby at my side, wiping a tear from his cheek. So sweet, so tender… not usually the first words one would use to describe my husband, which is perhaps what makes this moment so invaluable. He went from a man who had his own list of wants and needs to a man who was on diaper duty so much that I didn’t change a diaper for almost 2 full weeks after Big E arrived! A man who used to enjoy happy hour with co-workers was now rushing home from work, insisting that he immediately get his boy. A man who was so full of pride over being a father that he would talk to strangers about how beautiful his baby was- the most beautiful baby there ever was. He’d rave over how perfect he was (the baby, that is)! The first few times of Big E being babysat, he’d even race me to the baby!
Or in watching him react to the news that he was having a girl! And watching her wrap him around her finger! He tells me at least weekly, we’re in so much trouble- she just keeps getting cuter and cuter! (And he’s right, but don’t tell her that! We try and focus on how important it is for her to be a nice girl!) Or watching him with Littlest E just hours after his birth, trying to be strong for me, but being so scared as I was losing so much blood. (The thought of being a single parent to 3 kids is pretty frightening!) We have had lots of sweet and tender moments in our years together, but none so sweet as the ones that surround our children.
There are days he has not evolved into the best parent, as there are days I have not either… but we both try mightily and love deeply. And that’s what gets us through, along with the occasional remembrance (or dream) of tender, quiet moments where we were blessed beyond our wildest dreams and the reasons that we chose this wonderful, wonderfilled, crazy life.