October 2011 Pumpkin Patch
October 2009
Crazy the things that change in 2 years…. and the things that stay the same ♥
ISO: Coffee IV
Yesterday, I used the humor that is my daughter to drag myself through the day, and put me in a better mood. Today, however, I will be inserting a coffee IV to simply keep me alive. I have no gotten more than 5 hrs of sleep at night for the last month, with only one exception. Last Friday, Littlest E slept through the night and I only woke once with a coughing fit. My allergies have been worse this year than they have in the last couple, and when they were at their worst, we had several dust and plaster filled projects going on that left their particles to settle in my lungs. The last two weeks Littlest E has gotten two of his molars in (One on top and one on the bottom- on opposite sides. For some reason, I find this weird.) and therefore has been waking every half hour after midnight, and due to the dust in my lungs, I was spending the first couple hours coughing and trying to get comfortable. I’d finally fall asleep just in time to be woken by a cranky little man. And, despite the state my home is currently in, I have been up until waaaay toooo late cleaning multiple times a week, for the last month. So short story made long and boring- I’m tired. So very tired.
We were supposed to have someone coming to the house for an inspection this morning and so I ran frantically yesterday (we didn’t get the notice until right before I left for a weekend away) trying to unpack and clean… with two children (MissE and Littlest E) who are either having allergies or are coming down with something. So as much as I could do with two little ones who don’t feel good (especially considering one is just over a year… and therefore becoming a stage 5 “clinger”). And then I stayed up until 1:30am cleaning. Or attempting to, in my sleep exhausted state. Staying up when I’m that tired is really kind of pointless, because I move in such slow motion. I finally climb into bed and just as I drift off, littlest E wakes up and is not happy. He remains unhappy until almost 6, and then sleeps until about 7:45ish. I then rush around doing a final clean up before the 9:30 appointment, only to find out that it’s been cancelled.
It’s only 11 and I’ve already endured 3 hours of pretty constant whining and have only had a brief reprieve from having multiple children (simultaneously) try and form themselves to my leg. I finally get Littlest to release his vice grip on my leg, so I can attempt and get something productive done… only to turn around and have him run screaming to me. When he settles I finally see what’s going on… there was a bucket that still had some paint left in it, without being sealed shut. He had eaten some, had it smeared all over his face and hands, along with his brand new clothes. And it’s not all over one of my favorite shirts and one of my 2 pairs of jeans that actually fit.
I clean him, and myself, as much as can, and feed him (to get rid of the paint taste if nothing else). And while he’s content to play for a moment, I grab the computer looking for a moment of reprieve. Only to find that Hubbyman has messaged me to tell me he’s going out to happy hour with some vendors from work tonight and that Friday they’re going on a “booze cruise” (a paddle boat ride around one of the rivers) as a work outing. I’ve decided I’m not going to respond until I’ve gotten at least 10 hours of sleep. At this rate, I will be responding in late December.
I no longer track my sleep by how many hours I get (why would I when the number is so low and scary, like last nights >2?), but by how many cups of coffee will be needed to keep me awake. Today, I will be requiring an IV.
What do you do when you’ve gotten no sleep after multiple nights?
This Is My Confession The Remix
I can’t even say “this is my confession…” without instantly hearing the Usher song in my head. But this really isn’t that kind of confession. Not a, I did this horrible thing and now my life is over kind of confession, anyhow. Just a: this is my life. My real life. I’m not sugar coating things to make myself sound better, or wiser, or funnier… it’s the long and the short of it. This is my life as I feel it.
There is a lot of pressure in relationships (of all kinds- parenthood, marriage, friendships, work) for perfection, and as it turns out, I am not perfect. (*insert collective gasp here*) I make mistakes. (I know right?! I find it both shocking and appalling as well. Feel free to insert another gasp here.) But I am aware of my imperfections, my mistakes, my less-than-ness. At least most of the time. That said, sometimes I hold people in my life to a higher standard than I do myself. I accept that I am going to fall short (I don’t like that quality, but on most levels, I do accept it.), but somehow I have the tendency to believe that those I surround myself with, should try harder, do more, invest more, and toe the line…possibly more than I do. Even in typing this, I don’t like it. I don’t want to admit it. And I don’t want to be that way. I especially don’t want to admit it out loud, you know, where I can be quoted on it. But there you have it.
Hubbyman had a revelation of sorts this last week. He took a very long road trip with one of our dearly loved friends. Therefore he had more time than usual to process and talk. Probably more time than in the last 5 years. (And by probably, I mean definitely since this was the longest we’d been separated since military days.) This last week he has put forth a lot of effort to make sure I was feeling appreciated, and more than that, that I was feeling taken care of. The first day I was convinced he was in trouble for something, or was paving his way before getting into some trouble. Not because he’s proven that to be true previously, but because he doesn’t always live up to my expectations. I do not mean this disrespectfully or as an implication that he is not an amazing father, husband, and provider- because he definitely is all of those things. What I mean is that sometimes I have expectations for him that he cannot fulfill. They are often unfair, and occasionally unreasonable. But there I’ve said it. Just like he sometimes is less than appreciative of the state of the house, despite how many hours I spend on a daily basis trying to keep it from looking like a hurricane went through it… sometimes I am underwhelmed at how much housework he gets done, or helps with, after he gets home from a long day of work. We all have our downfalls. I by no means am saying that we should no longer expect the best out of each other, or to lower the bar… but when do we start being realistic with each other? Can we know that we’re imperfect, with some acknowledgment that we’re trying out hardest to do our best within our imperfect capabilities? Doesn’t that count for something?
So here is my ultimate confession: Sometimes I have unrealistic expectations for my hubbyman and fail to acknowledge all the things he does do, or give him credit when he does go above and beyond the normal wear and tear of the day. Unfortunately, I don’t limit this to my husband, it’s also with my kids (It’s crazy how sometimes I can have the expectation for my CHILDREN to behave like anything other than CHILDREN.), my parents, brothers, sisters (yes, they’re in-law, but they’re still sisters), and even my friends. (Apparently it’s unreasonable for me to expect them to foresee all my needs and accommodate them. Weird.) So ladies and gentlemen, tell someone in your life who maybe you feel like isn’t pulling their weight (in your home, in your family, in your relationship/friendship, church… and I mean pulling their weight emotionally and time-wise, as much as I do actual work) that you are thankful for all the things that they actually do. Be grateful for the times when they do go above and beyond the call of duty. And then go one step further (c’mon, I dare you!), you go above and beyond for them. Whether it’s bringing home flowers for the first time in a year (or more), or you make a favorite meal and clean up the dishes afterwards, or even just sitting and listening- without rolling your eyes or acting annoyed (no matter what the topic!). Sometimes it’s the little things that can make the biggest difference. Yesterday, my husband did the dishes three times. Once when he got home from work, once after dinner (that HE made), and once right before bed. Did I mention that he also made dinner?! And he also got out, thawed a little, and served me some of my wine slushie! Does it get better than that? Hardly.
I expected them to not want to go down the aisle...I did not expect them to fight for the rights to throwing the flowers all down the aisle. It ended in MissE dumping her basket rather than continuing to have to share in the flower throwing duties with her brother
The Dog Ate My Shoe
As I’ve said about a million times this last month or two… life is a little bit crazy in our household. And don’t get me wrong, it’s a fun crazy, but crazy none the less. The ups and downs, the fun, the whining, the visitors, the everything. I’m truly trying to enjoy every day for it’s own unique wonderfulness. That said, I get overwhelmed fairly easily. I crave order and organization as much as my children do. And I have been feeling overwhelmed a lot these last few weeks. A little chaotic. Maybe more than a little. And while between all our guests and the computer failure I haven’t had time, or maybe more accurate, I haven’t forced myself to make time to do all the blogging and recipe posting that I would really like to. But what little I have done, has of course made me feel more grounded. Because, as a female, I really crave that need to balance out the emotional aspects of my life. And for me, blogging helps to do that. In turn, these last couple of weeks I have gotten feedback in the form of emails and facebook messages, from family and friends. Both far and near. People I talk to on a regular basis and people that I haven’t talked to (at least in person) in years.
I am a people pleaser, and therefore, crave validation. I have grown, as I’ve gotten older, and it is not something that rules my life. That said, I still crave the validation. And if we’re really honest, don’t we all? So for this particular people pleaser, I’ve greatly appreciated that there are other people who feel similarly. There’s a little bit of comfort in knowing I’m not alone in all this madness. And for that, I’m grateful. Truly. So if you, like me have days where you just feel like you’re at the end of your rope, the last of your patience, and used up all your niceness by 9 am…just know that you’re not alone either. There are plenty of days I’m right there too. Biiig cup of coffee in hand.
...and the dog ate one of my favorite sandals
Survival of the Fittest
Yesterday was about a million degrees. Ok, not a million, but 102. Seriously. 102. And I live in what’s normally the frozen tundra! Thankfully, we have family that lives fairly nearby with a nice, big pool! What a reprieve! (At least until our state bird came out… the mosquito.) As much as we were needing a reprieve from the heat, lately I’ve been feeling like I need a bit of a reprieve from life! It’s just been so hectic and crazy! And with the upheaval of their normal schedule, it has also left my children behaving a little less than their normal sweet, compliant selves. Although, of course, as I write this, they are sitting next to each other, all three in a row. Just playin’ trains, with an occasional “Hey Mom, do you see me playing with the ‘big kids’?” giggle and jump from the littlest E.
sidenote: Sometimes I believe children have this need to make a liar out of their parents. Anytime you vocalize how sweet, polite, quiet, shy, loud, whatever… they are, they’ll do the opposite- publicly. (I don’t really believe they do this purposely to make a liar out of me, it’s just a happy coincidence on their part, I’m sure. haha!)
With lots of layers of various chaos going on around us, someone asked how we’re holding it together. I had no answer. Before drifting off to sleep, I told hubbyman that I was going to miss him while he was gone on his trip, and he responded with, “I’ll miss you too. I already miss you.” Which I, of course, thought he was saying as a joke, because my husband is so excited about this trip you’d think he was 18 and about to experience his first taste of freedom without parental control. That excited. It turns out he meant it. We’ve basically just kind of existing together the last month or two. We were in survival mode. We are in survival mode.
Anytime you’re in “survival mode” for too long, without reprieve, disaster usually ensues. So this weekend we get vacations from our lives. Ok, so he really gets an adventure (which is exactly what he needs), and I get some relaxation (which is exactly what I need, along with some retail therapy!). Even the kids are getting vacations, of sorts. The Bigger E’s will spend the weekend at their Grandparents, along with an uncle or two. And Littlest E is going with on the girls’ weekend, so he will be getting one-on-one attention that he doesn’t get a whole lot of.
Which brings me to the REAL survival tool: FAMILY. Obviously, immediate family plays a huge role in our lives. We are so blessed by them: From the great-great Grandma, to the Great Grandparents, Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles, Cousins… and everyone in between. We are thankful for all of them, and survive because of them. If you’re thinking, you don’t know my family, or you live far from them, or just want to be far from them… it’s not just about people you’re related to. We have a large group of people that we have CHOSEN to be family with. This doesn’t just apply to people with children, most of these were family to us before we even had children. it’s not about your relationship status, or how many (if any) children you have; it’s about love and support. It’s friends that have been there through a decade, or two. Friends that were our family when we were far from home. Friends that have seen us through, the ones we can depend on, the ones who puppy sit, the ones who insist on going out when they know it’s been a while since we’ve had any time away from the kids, friends who make plans and include us- as a family, 3 kids and all. These are friends that have become our family. Friendships that are so important to us, and beloved by us, as well as by our children.
For our family, it’s the combination of the two that really ensure our ability to survive. No, maybe that’s not entirely true. We would probably survive without them, but with them, and with all their support, love, and encouragement, we are able to thrive. As a family as well as individually.
It’s a good thing I have this support system, because otherwise, I might just lose it. I remembered putting the kid’s cups of milk in the fridge last night, so when I went to get them this morning….I’d gotten clean cups out of the cupboard and put them in the fridge. Without milk. And left the cups that had milk in them on the counter. I also spent a good 20 minutes looking for the puppy, because I’d forgotten I’d already let him out, and he was sleeping on the floor next to my bed. Ok, so it may have been more like 5-10 minutes, but I was in such a panic thinking I’d left him outside, that it felt like much longer! And those were just the first two things I did this morning. I’m sure I’ve had moments of “mommy brain” since… but I can’t remember. Wait…where are the kids?
Doesn’t it look like we all need a break?!
YOU Are Not My Judge
Last night I attended the memorial of my cousin, a man who for the last decade had spent most of his moments ministering to everyone he met. His favorite ministry was in jails, as he’d been a troubled teen who’d been there. Unfortunately, the last months of his life were in unwind. Things that had previously been of the highest importance, no longer were being prioritized. I don’t know what happened or why, but I am sad for an end that didn’t have to be. He was someone that was a little bigger than life, in personality. And in those ten years he changed people, you could see it in all the faces of those at his service, in their tears, as well as their stories shared. Growing up, I think that he was someone that people maybe tossed aside, deemed as too troubled, too wild, or just plain disposable. He was wild, uncontrollable, unreliable, a father at 16, and he bounced around homes… Fast forward to him being 20 and finding people that no longer felt he was disposable, who saw what and who he could be. And he thrived.
What it had me thinking about this morning is something that I’ve talked about before, it’s the way we judge others. How different would the very people we tend to judge be, if we were to stop judging them and just start supporting them. I am not saying you let everyone (or anyone!) take advantage of you, and I’m not even speaking financial support…just support. That the next time you saw someone or came across someone that to you seems out of control or doing or saying or living in a way that is maybe unhealthy… just be nice! And not just those that are visibly unhealthy! What if you gave the next stranger on the street that accidentally bumped into you and didn’t apologize, or say excuse me, a smile and meant it. The point is, we don’t know everyone’s story, where they’ve gone and where they’re going… and it’s not ours to judge.
After all, haven’t we all been judged before? Unfairly, unreasonably, and hurtfully? Don’t we all have one place or one time where we knew we were judged? (Please tell me it’s not just me!) I can recall vividly the way it felt when I was going through something a lot of people in my life didn’t understand. I had left a relationship and a college that I knew were not what I needed, even though everyone around me seemed to feel decidedly different. I even received a letter from a woman, who really didn’t know me or anything about me, telling me how because I wasn’t getting married, and I wasn’t in school that I wasn’t following God’s will, or His plan for my life. It was followed by lots of advice and direction from people in my life, telling me what I should do next, where I should go, how to get back onto my path… the funny thing was, I never thought I was lost. I always knew that this was the road I had to take, and it would lead me to where I was supposed to be.
It’s not the same as my cousin’s life and I am by no means saying it is, it was just my jumping off point and what I’d been thinking about that lead me here… Anyhow, as it turns out, I was right, the road I’d been on was not the one for me, and I knew I had to take a side-street to get me to my true destination, my true path…the one God meant for me. And that’s the one I’m on now. The one where I’m married to someone who respects me and treats me with respect, the one where we have three beautiful children, the one where I’ve found my place. I am on my road.
And maybe the person next to you that is doing something that you don’t agree with, or maybe it just annoys you, and you really want to reach out and smack them on the back of the head… maybe instead you reach out and give them a handshake, a hug, a cup of coffee, or simply a smile. Maybe your not judging them for things that are not within your control anyways, will be what it takes for them to pass it on to someone else. Some roads are unhealthy (like when my cousin was young) and some are just misunderstood (like mine) but judging and pointing fingers are not the answer. Can you imagine all the self-validation if we spent more time building each other up, the way we should be doing instead of tearing them down so we feel better, or look better, in comparison?
Rest In Peace
These Are The Days
So this is, what I believe, the “whirlwind month” of the year… at least until the winter-time holidays happen. 2 weeks ago was Easter, followed by a week of my brother-in-law staying with us, followed by a 2 day reprieve, followed by a week with my brother-in-law, his wife and son, all staying with us, followed by a mini vacation with the whole in-law family… followed by extreme exhaustion! But there’s no rest for the wicked- my side of the family is coming into town this week, for my brother’s wedding this weekend. Throw in a computer crash, an internet shut down, and kids with fevers and runny noses… let’s just say that today is the first real quiet day we’ve had in a long time and the kids are spending most of it in my lap or quietly playing nearby, and I’m totally ok with it.
While the busyness and the overnight guests have left me a little frayed, we have certainly had a good time. We have had late night dance parties, Uno games, and lots of Thomas the Train movie marathons. And yes, a few glasses of wine! My nephew (our only!) is the same age as Biggest E and they are best friends. It is so fun to watch them playing together. Not quite so fun to watch them turning it into a “boy’s club” that Miss E is not allowed in, because of her unfortunate gender. But 4-year-old boys will be 4-year-old boys. And I am happy to announce that today the biggest brother is happily playing with his sister, with no mention of her being “just a girl.” This last week, with my sister-in-law, I feel like I got a taste of what it would have been like to have grown up with a sister (I grew up with 3 brothers and no sisters)… we have had lots of long conversations, dish washing, dancing, and maybe some hair pulling and fighting. Mostly in fun. (*If you knew her you would totally be giggling along with me thinking of all the fun we’ve had. She’s tricky, that girl!)
We’ve had so many late nights, with early mornings that by last night, hubbyman and I were thoroughly exhausted. And the kids were too. Even the puppy was tired after his overnight/playdate while we were out-of-town. After doing a few odd jobs around the house, we all crashed on the couch with a big bowl of popcorn and some Donkey Kong on the Wii (our kids actually enjoy watching us play- they like the monkeys). All-in-all, it was a WONDERFUL Mother’s Day. A hotel overnight (that had a huge playland for kids, lots of pools, and lots of fun), a Mother’s Day Brunch, a car ride home with the 2 youngest sleeping while the oldest serenaded us (for an hour), a yummy dinner (made entirely of reheated leftovers), an uninterrupted bath, and a banner filled with kids’ colorings and handprints that is better than any store-bought card! And as a Mother’s Day gift I’ll be adding littlest E’s birthstone to my mother’s necklace! I’m calling it a success! And my brother-in-law was kind enough to leave me his laptop so that I could attempt and actually do some blogging this week, and the internet is working again so hopefully the stars are lined up!
In honor of Mother’s Day, my children who made me a mother, my wonderful mother and mother-in-law… I am making a list of some of the best things about being a mom… or at least some of my favorite things.
- You now have a legitimate excuse to nap!
- A life-size doll you can dress any way you’d like… at least until they are old enough to take them off and redress themselves. This may be why my oldest has an affinity for ties and my daughter is already picky about her shoes.
- You can make macaroni (or noodles with any form of cheese sauce) 5 days a week, without complaint.
- The same goes for peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.
- Sprinkles are acceptable on any form of food/any meal of the day.
- You can become a hero simply by adding a swirl of chocolate to milk.
- You can watch Disney movies anytime you want.
- The sillier you look/act- the better!
- Laughter. lots of laughter.
- Your receive your salary in kisses, hugs, and being told that you are the best person ever.
Motherhood is a tough job. Even Oprah believes it to be the toughest job in the world– and who am I to argue with her?! It often leaves me feeling tired, overwhelmed, and underappreciated. But for me, I know that no matter where life leads me down this crazy road, I am never going to be more fulfilled than when I look at my children; I will never have more pride than when I see them succeed; and never more happy than when I spend time immersed in the blessings that this little family of mine has created. I will never be able to express eloquently enough, my thankfulness to God for this unique, wonderful, crazy, exhausting, coffee-fueled life.
First Kiss
This morning as I was being used as a human jungle gym, my mind wandered…
This summer marks 14 years since my first kiss. And every summer I can’t help but think back to that day. And that boy. He was almost 16. Which as any teenager knows, is a big deal, because obviously you’re so close to adulthood at 16, because you can drive. He was one of those boys who might come across as a little full of himself. (And it might have been a little true.) Lots of friends and always sure of himself. The adult in me sees that most of that was probably a facade, but to the shy teenage girl, it was totally believable.
So I sit and think about what happened between us that summer, the letters, the phone calls… I consider the ways I grew and changed afterwards, and how he inevitably did too. I remember how weekly e-mails in high school turned to yearly birthday calls in college. I don’t remember any of it being particularly heart breaking (he may remember it differently, but I still see it with a bit of rose-colored glasses). Mostly, though, I think about the way time and circumstance changes people. The girl I was…how she became the woman she is. The boy he was and how he became the man he is… and I can’t help but wonder at the affects of that kiss. Now it may seem silly to for me to even think about considering where I’m at now, but I can’t help but wonder what life would look like if the inevitable too-young-love break-up hadn’t occurred.
So instead of the what-might-have-beens, I take a deep breath, let out a sigh, and smile. The roads that boy and I have taken since that fateful night so long ago… there’s been bends and twists, heartbreaks and tears, and even laughter… for both of us. But as my hair is being pulled by my youngest, my oldest launching himself off the couch and onto my stomach, while my middlest lays next to me laughing hysterically; I have no doubts, no second-guesses, no wish-we-would-haves. Only a silent acknowledgment that the roads that boy and I took, well, we needed to take them, as individuals. And I kind of think it makes the road we’re on, as adults, that much sweeter. After all, that boy turned into the most wonderful husband and the most amazing father that this 14-year-old-girl-turned-woman could ever have dreamed of. ♥ And sometimes it’s the sweetness of “our story” and the length of our friendship, love, and history that keep me from killing him (figuratively, of course), so I think he’s probably thankful for it too.
I do not like you, selfish I am
Sooo…. I said I was doing that “Love Dare.” Did I happen to mention practicing patience and kindness is hard? (versus just saying you’d like to acquire those attributes) I’m a few days behind, but I’m trudging my way through it. And because just like using a recipe verbatim would probably kill me, I had to tweak a few of my daily challenges. Like the day the challenge was to buy my spouse a gift. There are a couple reasons I did not do this: 1)I’m trying to do the challenge on my whole family and 2) trust me when I say that hubbyman would think it a better gift that I DIDN’T spend the money than if I’d boughten him something. I did, however, make him a big batch of Snickerdoodle cookies- enough to share with coworkers! Which meant I stayed up until 2 am because I had to make them after getting the kids to bed. And cleaned up afterwards so he didn’t awaken to a kitchen that looks like a bomb may have exploded inside a vat of flour.
Back to “the dare” that I seem to be dragging my feet through: I have a confession… while in general, I love big, give freely, and have so much empathy that it’s almost a problem… sometimes I get spent.I forget to do things just for me, or to at least take a “time out” myself. And then I become…selfish. (*insert collective gasp here*) I know, right?! It’s awful and I’m not proud of it. It is, however, true. I start to feel taken for granted which leads to feelings of discontentment. And discontentment (for me) breeds anger. In the midst of my feelings I get so caught up in how things are affecting me that I fail to see the effect I’m having on my family. And lately I’ve been a bit caught up in this cycle. Because my daily life is so entirely about “the little things,” My days pretty much revolve around the dishes, the laundry, the meals…and I can very easily get caught up in the feelings of I do it all and nobody cares. Which if I were to be introspective at all, would leave me admitting that I’m really feeling inconsequential. Instead, I stick with anger. Like a long lost friend, there is some strange sort of comfort in being angry. It’s such a familial-feeling friend to fall in with. It whispers in your ear, “You deserve some appreciation, way more than you’re getting. Nobody else does what you want. You’re always doing what they want…” You know anger and anger knows you. This cycle has a lot to do with why I started the Love Dare to begin with. As old of a friend as anger is, I’d like to get reacquainted with some others, like the patience and kindness I’ve been saying I’m working on.
And so the dare continues and I read and I do what it says, but I’m not sure I’ve actually been working on my patience…or my kindness. Maybe on the surface, but not so much in the heart. In fact, I found myself growing MORE angry. And the more I read and the more the lessons said, “you may be feeling this way… try choosing to behave like this…” the more angry I felt. What if my anger is valid? (insert thought bubble: of course my anger is valid!) What if I had some major injustice done to me? (insert thought bubble: of course I’m justified in my feelings!) Surely this justifies some anger and discontent. Nonetheless, I kept reading and then came…maybe day 8? It talked about two rooms. One is where we put the praises of those we care for (spouse, children, friends, etc and the wonderful things they’ve done and said to/for/about us and our positive feelings about them) and the other is where we put the negatives (he said, “blah, blah, blah…” she said, “blah, blah, blah…” they did this to me, they said that to me…) And while compartmentalizing some things can be healthy…moving into a room of discontentment, of course, isn’t. The day’s pages were filled with things like, when you spend a lot of time in this room you may go there to pick your fights, to be reminded of why you’re mad, even to prepare yourself for battle. And I have to admit, I do this. I go over the list of transgressions that I’m so worked up over and prepare what I would say, or what I think I should say, or what I feel is deserved to be said… over and over. It can become compulsive, even. Yuck. And can I just say it’s a little bit maddening when the very thing (the day’s love dare lesson) that’s making me mad, totally has me pegged. Crap. But just to show it who’s boss I thought I’d wait a couple days before acknowledging that the words on the pages were real in my heart. Ridiculous, right?! Of course it is, but it’s honest.
And so I confessed some of the feelings of my heart to my husband. And instead of the dialogue I’d perfected in my head, back in that room, I found the opposite taking place. Instead of my anger spewing forth, my insecurities, my fears, and my real emotions came out in a way that was open, honest, and non-accusatory (maybe some of those lessons were sinking in after all!). And my husband…instead of the words my head had heard him responding with, well, he responded in…SHOCK. He had NO IDEA that I was feeling the way I was feeling. It turns out the anger I’d been carefully polishing and protecting, like a prized trophy, is hard to hold on to when someone is so surprised by the fact that you don’t think everything is wonderful, because THEY are really thinking things are (truly) wonderful, and that I knew how wonderful he thought it all was. I mean, it’s almost laughable. Here I was, stewing in discontentment that I was sewing into my own life… and there was my husband, looking at me with eyes that spoke volumes of love, compassion, and concern…along with some confusion. And of course, the negativity began to fall away… and so here I am sitting in another room. A room with warm, compassionate, thankful words on the walls. Walls that show examples of my children having patience with me. Words that show my husband making an effort to let me know he appreciate all the little things he does. Words and memories of all the wonderful, thoughtful things my family and friends do and have done. Some, even on a regular basis. So while I’m fighting the urge to roll my eyes at the sappy, corniness of some of the things this room has to say… I am humbled and appreciative that I have all these things to say about those that are closest to my heart. And I’m reminded of a phrase I was often told growing up, and have often repeated, “You cannot change others, you can only change yourself.” And while any life is going to have ups and downs and cycles that are forever repeated, today I am CHOOSING to think positive thoughts about those around me along with myself. I work hard to keep everyone clean, clothed, fed, and happy. Erik works hard to provide the means for all of that. And the kids work hard to be…kids! Learning and living, and really, trying to be good. And while it may not be true of everyone, today I am going to CHOSE to be motivated with kindness and patience towards everyone I come in contact with. (insert thought bubble: Can I spent the rest of the day in bed with the door locked?)
today’s mantra: My feelings, thoughts, and desires are not more important than yours.
food glorious food!
I don’t especially like when hubbyman has to work late. But… sometimes I appreciate that it gives me extra time to get things done, because I like to make the most of the time he has with us! And if you read yesterday’s post you know I am undertaking the project of “The Love Dare” on my family. Yesterday’s dare (on top of continuing the “not saying anything negative”) was to do something kind. Well, I’m at home all day with 3 little ones and the puppy… and I was a little tempted to just say the not saying anything negative thing was kindness enough! Instead, I put my kindness into “man language.” Also known as food. A language my husband, and even my children, recognize as love. I’d gotten a wonderful magazine (Disney FamilyFun) from my aunt with “ways to jazz up dinner” by Andrew Zimmern (from the TV show Bizarre Foods). And two caught my eye: Korean Fried Chicken Fingers and Chinese Peanut-Sesame Noodles. I opted for the first, but I’m hoping to try the noodles this weekend! While Erik came home earlier than anticipated and I started it a little later than I’d anticipated… it was still a hit! While fried of course isn’t the healthiest of choices, it’s better for you (and tasting!) than mcnuggets! The kids really LOVED it and so did the adults. So much in fact, I’m tempted to make it again tonight! And maybe you should try it too! Here’s how:
Marinade:
- 2 cloves garlic, crushed
- 1/2 cup minced scallion
- 1 tbs vegetable oil
- 1/2 tsp salt
- 1/4 tsp white pepper
- 8 lg boneless, skinless chicken thighs, each sliced lengthwise into three strips
Side note: I didn’t have everything to make this recipe “exact” (and it just might kill me to follow a complete recipe word for word) used 1/2 cup minced red onion (because that’s Erik’s favorite so it’s what we had) and I didn’t have white pepper so I just used my black pepper grinder. I also used sea salt instead of table salt. Oh, and I used boneless, skinless chicken breast instead of thigh (again because it’s what I had!)
In a large bowl, combine all the ingredients for the marinade. Add the chicken and marinate it in the refrigerator for at least 15 minutes, but as long as overnight. (I suggest overnight or a few hours. I only did maybe 1/2 hr and it was still really good but I’d like to give the flavors longer to set in next time)
Batter:
- Oil for frying
- 1/2 cup flour
- 2/3 cup corn starch
- 1 1/2 tsp baking powder
- 1/4 tsp salt
- 1/2 tsp pepper
- 1 1/2 tsp sugar
- 3/4 cup cold water
Side note: I used veg. oil, but plan to try sunflower oil next time! And the flour I did 1/4 cup almond meal flour (because it’s just so yummy!) and 1/4 cup all-purpose gluten free flour. Again, I also used sea salt instead of table salt.
Fill a heavy, deep pan with 2 inches of vegetable oil and heat it to 350 degrees. combine the dry ingredients for the batter. Quickly whisk in the water until the mixture is evenly blended.
Use tongs or a pair of chopsticks to dip and coat the chicken in the batter. Fry the strips in batches of 6 for 5-7 minutes, then drain on paper towels. (I found that about 6ish minutes was a good time. And once you put them in, let them settle, and then scrape them off the bottom. If you wait to long they stick and removing them pulls a lot of the breading off. Also I’d just the next 6 strips in the batter while the other batch was frying.)
Heat the oil to 380 degrees. Fry the chicken in batches once more until crisp, about 60-90 seconds. Place the cooked chicken fingers on fresh paper towels and sprinkle them with salt. Serve immediately with dipping sauce.
*If you were in a time crunch and didn’t mind using the extra oil, you could have a second pan set up so that after you drained the chicken you could immediately move it into the hotter oil.
The chicken would be good with rice or any kind of potato, or really any vegetable for that matter! I made mashed potatoes but forgot all about them! (Guess what we’re having tonight?!) And for the dipping sauce we used sweet and sour. (the recipe suggested it) Although really any kind of dip you have or enjoy would be good with this, I would think. It did also suggest a dip you could serve with it for a spicy kick…but I didn’t have most of the ingredients, and Miss E is allergic to most of them anyways. Plus I kind of shy away from recipes where I’d have to buy a lot of ingredients that I wouldn’t know what to do with other than this one recipe. (Although I do admit it does sound good.) So for the bold, here you go:
Spicy Korean Red-Pepper Dipping Sauce:
- 1/2 cup Gochujang (Korean red-pepper paste found in Asian markets)
- 3 tbs ketchup
- 1/4 agave nectar (or in a pinch, corn syrup)
- 1 tbs dark sesame oil
- 2 cloves garlic, crushed
- 2 tbs soy sauce
- 1 tbs rice wine vinegar
- 1 tbs lemon juice
Mommy’s Helper Note: I like to make things the kids can help with and the kids LOVE eating things that they’ve helped to make. While they obviously can’t help with the raw chicken or the frying… I did put the chicken in a ziploc and had them help me pound them with a rolling pin (not necessary but thought they’d cook more evenly if they were uniform and I knew the kids would enjoy the activity). And I always let them help me “unload” all the ingredients into the bowl for the batter.
laborofwonder 