laborofwonder

A stay at home feminist?

by motherofwonder

So, I love the books (well, her latest books anyhow) by Elizabeth Gilbert. I don’t always agree with all of her viewpoints and beliefs, but something in the way she writes strikes me, in way that kind of makes me want to be her friend. Well, her latest book: Commited, leaves me thinking a variety of things. She is so feministic that she has a hard time admitting aloud that her mother made her life BETTER by being a stay at home mom. And really the way she classifies ALL stay at home moms, leaves me… shaken. Maybe shaken isn’t the right word, maybe scattered is. While I do know that many women have sacrificed their careers for their families; I cannot accept that all of them have done it unwillingly and regretfully. I am fully aware we are all different creatures. Some women have no desire for marriage, some no desire for children… why is it then so surprising that there could be women who’s greatest desire is to have and raise children? Without assuming them devoid of all want of life and/or any other desire. As if they tried to muster up the courage for some world-changing, life altering passion and the most they could come up with was children. What repressed women they must be?! (insert dramatic eye roll here)

I support my “sisters.” My single sisters that just want to do it on their own and have no matrimonial desires- I support them! My married sisters who have decided that a husband and career are the life for them- I support them! My married, working mama sisters, who feel like their work gives them validation they’d never find at home- I support them! Encourage them! Without judgement (or pity! No thoughts that because they’re not doing it “my way” that they’re somehow devoid of the basic desires of a woman heart.)! Because I, in all my feminist form, believe that we are all different, have different desires, different cores of what we find fulfilling- and shouldn’t we all be able to live our lives accordingly, judgement free? Why is that favor not returned? I’m hoping that it’s just their way of protecting their validation towards their life choices, instead of an attack on mine. (we do seem to always want public validation for our choices, don’t we?)

While I have always wanted children, I truly never thought about whether I would stay home or have a job outside the home. It never crossed my mind. Not in high school, or even in college. In fact, in college, I’d probably have said I’d work outside the home, but just as an assumption, not because of a desire to put my life into my career.. Enter the year Big E was born… a neighbor ran a daycare for infants (and good ‘ol Navy housing had paper thin walls)- all I’d hear was those babies crying all day long! That’s when I knew that I WANTED to be the one at home with them. Trust me, if hubbyman could have been the one to stay home, he would have! (but also trust me on the fact that he’s now relieved it didn’t work out that way!) We believe it’s what’s best for OUR children. And really, it’s what’s best FOR ME. I want to do this. Not only does it afford me time to watch them grow, but I have really learned who I am and the things that I really want in life. That’s not to say my only ambition in life is to raise my children… I have other ambitions, and pursue them. And believe that if I felt like the desires of my heart were outside my home, that is where I would be. Were I in a career that I felt really completed the person I am, I would be investing my time in it. It just happens that, for me, my GREATEST ambition, is raising my children. And today, I am frustrated that I feel the need to defend it. So sisters, as I am on the front lines with you for equality in every setting (not just the workplace), supporting that you have the right to be you, as equal to any other gender… please, be on the front lines with me- support that this is the best me I am. In my home, with my children. And it’s not any less valid and does not make me any less pro-woman to have made these choices. (Did I mention the need for public validation for choices…? apparently I am not immune either)

Life According To Me

food glorious food!

by motherofwonder

I don’t especially like when hubbyman has to work late. But… sometimes I appreciate that it gives me extra time to get things done, because I like to make the most of the time he has with us! And if you read yesterday’s post you know I am undertaking the project of “The Love Dare” on my family. Yesterday’s dare (on top of continuing the “not saying anything negative”) was to do something kind. Well, I’m at home all day with 3 little ones and the puppy… and I was a little tempted to just say the not saying anything negative thing was kindness enough! Instead, I put my kindness into “man language.” Also known as food. A language my husband, and even my children, recognize as love. I’d gotten a wonderful magazine (Disney FamilyFun) from my aunt with “ways to jazz up dinner” by Andrew Zimmern (from the TV show Bizarre Foods). And two caught my eye: Korean Fried Chicken Fingers and Chinese Peanut-Sesame Noodles. I opted for the first, but I’m hoping to try the noodles this weekend! While Erik came home earlier than anticipated and I started it a little later than I’d anticipated… it was still a hit! While fried of course isn’t the healthiest of choices, it’s better for you (and tasting!) than mcnuggets! The kids really LOVED it and so did the adults. So much in fact, I’m tempted to make it again tonight! And maybe you should try it too! Here’s how:

Marinade:

2 cloves garlic, crushed
1/2 cup minced scallion
1 tbs vegetable oil
1/2 tsp salt
1/4 tsp white pepper
8 lg boneless, skinless chicken thighs, each sliced lengthwise into three strips

Side note: I didn’t have everything to make this recipe “exact” (and it just might kill me to follow a complete recipe word for word) used 1/2 cup minced red onion (because that’s Erik’s favorite so it’s what we had) and I didn’t have white pepper so I just used my black pepper grinder. I also used sea salt instead of table salt. Oh, and I used boneless, skinless chicken breast instead of thigh (again because it’s what I had!)

In a large bowl, combine all the ingredients for the marinade. Add the chicken and marinate it in the refrigerator for at least 15 minutes, but as long as overnight. (I suggest overnight or a few hours. I only did maybe 1/2 hr and it was still really good but I’d like to give the flavors longer to set in next time)

Batter:

Oil for frying
1/2 cup flour
2/3 cup corn starch
1 1/2 tsp baking powder
1/4 tsp salt
1/2 tsp pepper
1 1/2 tsp sugar
3/4 cup cold water

Side note: I used veg. oil, but plan to try sunflower oil next time! And the flour I did 1/4 cup almond meal flour (because it’s just so yummy!) and 1/4 cup all-purpose gluten free flour. Again, I also used sea salt instead of table salt.

Fill a heavy, deep pan with 2 inches of vegetable oil and heat it to 350 degrees. combine the dry ingredients for the batter. Quickly whisk in the water until the mixture is evenly blended.

Use tongs or a pair of chopsticks to dip and coat the chicken in the batter. Fry the strips in batches of 6 for 5-7 minutes, then drain on paper towels. (I found that about 6ish minutes was a good time. And once you put them in, let them settle, and then scrape them off the bottom. If you wait to long they stick and removing them pulls a lot of the breading off. Also I’d just the next 6 strips in the batter while the other batch was frying.)

Heat the oil to 380 degrees. Fry the chicken in batches once more until crisp, about 60-90 seconds. Place the cooked chicken fingers on fresh paper towels and sprinkle them with salt. Serve immediately with dipping sauce.

*If you were in a time crunch and didn’t mind using the extra oil, you could have a second pan set up so that after you drained the chicken you could immediately move it into the hotter oil.

The chicken would be good with rice or any kind of potato, or really any vegetable for that matter! I made mashed potatoes but forgot all about them! (Guess what we’re having tonight?!) And for the dipping sauce we used sweet and sour. (the recipe suggested it) Although really any kind of dip you have or enjoy would be good with this, I would think. It did also suggest a dip you could serve with it for a spicy kick…but I didn’t have most of the ingredients, and Miss E is allergic to most of them anyways. Plus I kind of shy away from recipes where I’d have to buy a lot of ingredients that I wouldn’t know what to do with other than this one recipe. (Although I do admit it does sound good.) So for the bold, here you go:

Spicy Korean Red-Pepper Dipping Sauce:

1/2 cup Gochujang (Korean red-pepper paste found in Asian markets)
3 tbs ketchup
1/4 agave nectar (or in a pinch, corn syrup)
1 tbs dark sesame oil
2 cloves garlic, crushed
2 tbs soy sauce
1 tbs rice wine vinegar
1 tbs lemon juice

Mommy’s Helper Note: I like to make things the kids can help with and the kids LOVE eating things that they’ve helped to make. While they obviously can’t help with the raw chicken or the frying… I did put the chicken in a ziploc and had them help me pound them with a rolling pin (not necessary but thought they’d cook more evenly if they were uniform and I knew the kids would enjoy the activity). And I always let them help me “unload” all the ingredients into the bowl for the batter.

Chicken Gluten Free Recipes

Ashes

by motherofwonder

In the past years I’ve given up a variety of things for Lent: certain food, pop, coffee, sugar, tv, radio… As I was thinking it over this last week, wondering what to give up this year, I came to this conclusion. Impatience. I am giving up impatience. I’m not sure it’s possible, but I’m attempting it. Go big, or go home, right?

You see, I have a just-turned-4 year old, a 2 1/2 year old… that’s a girl. Along with an 8 month old. (Can I add the 9 month old puppy to the list?) I have days where I feel like I wake up impatient. And I certainly wouldn’t want them under the care of an impatient person were they at a daycare. Why would I feel differently when they’re under my care? In fact, I’ve been trying to keep in mind that Big E and Miss E are at ages where they’ll be remembering things I do and say, maybe even for the rest of their lives. So I’ve been trying to live our days as if they’re going to be remembered forever. Which is essentially what brought me to my “Lent Challenge”…

Most people have probably heard of the movie, Fireproof. Well the “Love Dare” from the movie is also available to the masses. So I’m doin’ it! But not just on my husband, and not just on my children, but EVERYONE. Yes, it was written in the marriage format, but… it’s things you can apply to everyone you come in contact with. And from what I’ve gathered so far (and what I can remember of the movie) that it’s really about patience and kindness. And let me just say this… it’s gonna be tough. I mean, I consider myself a fairly patient person. I certainly am used to having my patience tested with three young children. But this is like REAL patience. Like controlling not only your reaction and words, but your thoughts kind of patience. Yesterday the dare was to not say anything negative. I believe I succeeded. But I do have to admit, I was kinda quiet yesterday! And it wasn’t because I was on the verge of saying negative things (at least most of the time)… I was just kind of afraid that once I started saying things, that I’d have a hard time NOT going there. I don’t know why this feels so hard. I think it’s the selfish thought that what if someone does or says something to me that makes me really mad? What if I have a valid reason for my anger? I’m supposed to just sit there in silence? Well the book says we are to speak all words in a “spirit of love,” even if hard words are necessary. It means the truth, but (and the book really says this): “You bend over backwards…” to say things in kindness and not to say things just because I want to say them. Isn’t that why we say a lot of things, if we’re honest, because we want to say them.

Well, I’m a little tempted to just erase all this so no one has any record of it. So I always have an escape route! But I know that’s just my fear of failure. Because honestly, I’m probably going to have a day (or more) where I don’t complete the challenge, but it’s here in black and white and I can’t give up! I won’t give up! Positive thoughts. Inhale. Exhale. Repeat. For 38 1/2 more days. After that it’s just the rest of my life…. but we’ll start with the next 38 1/2 days. Eh, how about we’ll just start with finishing today? Sigh

My new mantra: I want to be where patience and wisdom meet.

Life According To Me Love Dare

2 Comments »

Blessings Abundant

by motherofwonder

Ok, so I started out by doing a “know your blogger” survey, but I felt like you knew nothing more than my pets’ names afterwards. So then I started going back and forth on ways to tell you about me… but I’ve decided that I’ll share myself as posts continue, and so this post is really just what’s on my heart right now.

Blessed: my life has been more blessed than I ever dreamed it could be. Not in ways you might see just to look at my family and I, but trust me it’s there. We all know people who just seem to be “lucky” -always getting the promotion, winning the prize, finding the lost treasure, and while we are so happy for them- we don’t fit in that category ourselves. Thankfully my husband loves a good fight, because over the course of our marriage we’ve had lots of those. Not with each other (well, maybe some of those too) but with people and companies we’ve dealt with. It’s kind of the if-it-can-go-wrong-it-will kind of thing. We’ve got oodles of that. Important thing in the mail… it’ll get lost at least twice. And then sent to the wrong address. Cancel an account. They’ll continue billing us for MONTHS without ever sending a notice. Even after we’ve called multiple times. These kinds of things have become the norm for us. So if you’re wondering where the luck or the blessings happen… I am too. Ok, that’s not entirely true. We’ve been blessed with each other in our marriage, we’ve been blessed with our children. We have family and friends who are blessings and bless us frequently. Maybe we’ve always known that we were blessed in those departments, but this last year we have had out eyes open to just how lucky we are.

I’ve always wanted kids. For as long as I can remember. The kind of person who you know probably within minutes that I adore children and would have as many as hubbyman could handle. That’s not to say that I didn’t have a period of time (but not more the few years in between high school ending, going to college, and getting married) where I thought a career was on the forefront of my life’s horizon. And then I got married. And all of the sudden it was like everywhere I looked there were babies. And I wanted one. Bad. Hubby tried to keep those feelings pacified by getting a pet. But he was on nights and I worked days, so we got a cat… turns out it didn’t help. In fact, it kinda backfired. So during his deployment in Japan, and probably out of loneliness, he agreed to try for a baby when he got home. We had a very short time line. Obviously that wasn’t a problem. We knew I was pregnant in less than 4 weeks from him coming home.

Pregnancy, for me, unfortunately, wasn’t the dream I’d envisioned. Instead of “pregnancy glow” I had IVs keeping me hydrated because I was so sick and couldn’t keep anything down. Hubbyman says I smelled like I had applesauce coming out of my pores. I probably did. It was pretty much the only thing I’d eat because it was the easiest in reverse. And that was all 9 months. With all of my children. It’s a blast. Needless to say, for me, they’re more like 9 months of guilt for not being all happy and glowy. But the birth… well, let’s just say I’d rather give birth than to feel the way I feel all 9 months of pregnancy! Biggest E’s birth was amazing. I was so proud. Of him and myself. Miss E’s birth was also good. The Dr’s missed it, but the important people were there and that’s what really counts.

Figuring I’m just saying my children are my biggest blessings? I’m getting there, I promise. (and yes, they are my biggest blessings, but that’s not completely the point) After MissE, hubbyman felt like he was done having children. After all, as pretty much everyone we came in contact with would point out, we had one of each, why would we want anymore? While I always assumed I’d have kids, I never really thought of a number. Since Big E and Miss E are only 18 months apart, the early months/years were… well, the first couple months were a struggle. Just as I started thinking that maybe I was content with just two, I had a miscarriage. I’d only had an inkling that I could be pregnant, when it was over. I was so, so very devastated. And it was then that both hubbyman and I knew that we would have at least one more. While we had no idea it would be so soon after, we knew it would be eventual. 4 short months later, we knew we had Littlest E on on the way. I was a nervous wreck. I just had this feeling that I couldn’t shake and assumed it was because of the way my last pregnancy had ended. By 8 weeks we knew that where the umbilical cord inserted into the placenta was not centered like it’s “supposed” to be, but was on the top of it, over a placental lake (or a pool of blood in real people terms). By 20 weeks we knew that he was very small. 13th percentile small, 5 weeks behind my very accurate dates small. By 24 weeks he was now a week AHEAD of schedule. And while that was a relief, I still had that nagging feeling. My midwife was so nonchalant that even when I brought my mom (who is an OB RN, a doula, lactation consultant, parent educator, and infant massage instructor….you get the picture) along on a visit to ask questions, Mom was satisfied as well. Let’s fast forward through the rest of the pregnancy, the rest of the midwife visits, and ultrasounds I had. But let’s pause just to mention that they wanted to do frequent observations, but still continued to tell me there was nothing to worry about. Riiight. Like any woman can really know something COULD be wrong and not worry about it… it’s pretty much engrained in our DNA that we’re going to worry. So worry I did. But I also prayed. I prayed more in those 9 months than I have my entirely life previously combined. And I’m a prayer.

Enter his birth. (11 days early instead of the 10 days overdue like his siblings) We get settled in the room and I’m about to jump in the shower or go for a walk when the nurses start freaking out, because they’ve FINALLY gotten ahold of my charts. And right there in black and white it says that his umbilical cord is only attached by 20%!! Twenty freakin’ percent! Are you kidding me?! Apparently that was something they didn’t think I needed to know. Like the fact that I should have been on bedrest the whole time and not MOVING and lifting and emptying boxes! UGH!!! Obviously, it still makes me a little angry… Unfortunately, it doesn’t end there. After hours more of labor since I was now stuck in bed and not “allowed” to move around or walk or anything else that helps both labor’s progression and natural pain therapy and with them awaiting a C-section (because of the insertion the fear was that it would become unattached when my water broke and he would essentially bleed out). Ethan entered this world (and not via Csection, thank you very much Dr. do-it-my-way). Pink and screaming and very healthy… tiny (less than 6 pounds…3 pounds less than Biggest E!), but healthy. And then came the placenta. The umbilical cord was NOT attached. I repeat, not attached. It had some veins coming out of it that had hooked on to either side of the top of the placenta with the middle of the placenta crumbling. Between my mom and my grandma they have over 50 years of OB nursing between them and they have NEVER seen a baby born with a 0% insertion, because they just don’t survive in utero. In fact, they sent it to pathology to study. (Starting to get the picture?) Medically speaking, there is no reason why he had that growth spurt and then continued to survive. Unfortunately, our adventure did not end there. Even though they knew my placenta had not been whole… they didn’t check for more pieces, or watch my bleeding. Even after I’d repeatedly told my nurse that I’d never had this much bleeding with either of my other children, let alone the fruit sized blood clots. FOR HOURS. Until I could no longer even sit up without passing out (over 4 hours later) did they even ask a Dr to come and consult. Unfortunately, he had a laboring patient down the hall and didn’t want to take the time for a proper DNC (which means going to another floor for operating and putting me under)… so without doing that he decided to just do it in my room, for an hour… using various painful techniques trying to pull the little pieces of my placenta off my uterus. After reaching the point I could not take anymore and having already told him so, repeatedly, only to have him make comments referencing my apparent pain intolerance. Telling me that if I would just settle down he’d be able to do it, how it was no big deal, not a painful procedure, among various other insults. I said all of my labors have been well over 12 hours and all of them have been without any form of pain medication. I know and can handle pain, thank you very much… and while I am willing to endure it for my babies, I am not willing to for you. Finally, at 3 in the morning, they had to take me up to surgery to have an emergency DNC done. While it means I was bleeding for a very long time, it also meant that my little peanut had more time to eat! And eat that boy did! Thankfully my milk supply was already pretty much in (I could hear the big gulps and see the milk on his face)… that’s probably a big part of why he was able to thrive so well. So…that awful night (unfortunately there was more awfulness that occurred, but I just highlighted the most important) and 2 blood transfusions later… we were both alive.

So…long story short…or long story, shorter than whole long story, but still long… After hubbyman had his vasectomy (for multiple reasons but a top one being that after all my in-room specials I’m left with holes and scars and would likely have a very hard time maintaining pregnancies. So the vasectomy was our way of making it our choice, and not something that was taken from us.) he and I got to enjoy some quiet time without “the big kids’ while he was recovering. And during a conversation he asked, “When is our lucky break?” Suddenly, I felt the knowledge welling within me. Not that I believe God gives us “bad luck” or anything like that, but I know, for us, Littlest E is our luck, all rolled in one. He was, and is, our miracle. And we would not trade all the bad luck, or hard times, or long, obnoxious phone calls for him. Ever. He is our lucky break. He is God saying, even among the rest of the crap you have deal with in this life, I’m still here. Thinking of you and protecting you. And He knows the important stuff. He knows me. He knows that on a daily basis I will look at my son and think of the miracle and the blessing he is, which in turn makes me think of the miracle and blessings Big E and Middle E are to my life. And my hubbyman. And our parents, and siblings… and all the REAL blessings our life contains. No matter how long I’ve been on hold to resolve the latest issue.

: Littlest E at 6 months and 20 lbs

*I would also like to add a very special thank you to all our friends and family who kept their thoughts and prayers with us through Littlest E’s pregnancy. (Not to mention all the meals our family and church family provided!) The blessing of it is not lost on our family.

Life According To Me

12 Comments »

Hello world!

by motherofwonder

Well, here it is, my first post. I’ve had ideas running in my head about what I would say for MONTHS… and now that I’m here, well, let’s just say I’m tempted to hit save and wait until probably 3am when I remember all the things I WANTED to say! Since I can’t remember all the life changing information I was going to give you, I guess I’ll just describe what I envision this blog to be.

I have lots of stories in my life. Stories about the touching moments my kids share with me on a daily basis. Hilarious moments that I share with them on an even more frequent basis. Stories about life as a wife of a man you’ve known for almost half your life. Stories about the battle between being a stay at home mom while still being an individual with thoughts, dreams, and friends separate from the mommy version. Stories about falling asleep in a text book because I can’t bear to take away time from the kids to do my studying; while still believing it’s important to have dreams of my own and to follow them. Stories about food, cooking, eating… and reasons why I eat and cook the way I do. I’m also hoping for recipes. Easy, delicious, family friendly, healthy recipes. Things I make or want to make and would actually feed to my family. You know, the kind of food you would still eat, even if no one else was watching. (like the gluten free, homemade version of Samoa’s I’m current making…. or the maple syrup ham I’ve got in the crock pot so that my family has something to eat while I go out for a girls’ night.) And while I don’t know that any one particular vein or “category” of these stories will be the center of my blogs, I do know that they will all be a part of it.

So if you’re looking for a blogger who is not going to rave about baby’s first steps, the joy of long naps (and what you can accomplish during them!), or the hilarity you encounter during every day motherhood…I am not it. But if you’re interested in an ordinary woman who is busy raising 3 children under 4 years old, maintaining a marriage, with some sense of self and sanity…then maybe I’m that.