Marriage | laborofwonder

The Muddy Mommy

by motherofwonder

I have learned something in my life as a woman, and it was reinforced with my last 4 years of also being a mother: Women are tough. We’re tough on ourselves mainly, but unfortunately it breeds this unflattering fact: we are tough on other women. It starts very young as I have overheard my 2 year old daughter tell one of her playmates about how a certain doll could only be held by other girls who also had “pink” hair. (The doll, as well as my MissE, has a very pretty auburn/strawberry blonde hair color, that Miss E has labeled as “pink.”) And the look on her face as she tells this other two year old to back off, makes it all perfectly clear: You are not good enough. Yikes. Unfortunately, it’s not just 2 year olds, while they’re antics may make you question that statement. These days the playgrounds seem to be filled with moms who’ve become professional mud slingers. (Remember the Mommy Brigades?) Seriously, if you’re tired of life in the trenches of the minor league, and want to join the ranks of the pros- spend some time at any given playground and you’ll be able to learn all you need to know. Or the baking aisle of your local grocery store- you’ll likely find several ol’ Grannies willing to send a few your way. And they’ve been in retirement so they’ve just been aching to get out there and show you what they’ve got.

The best of the mud slingers know how to sugar coat it, so that it’s sticky, gooey, and very hard to wash off. My top ten “favorite” mudballs? I got ’em here:

(Within a week of a miscarriage, while my “big Es” were about 2 1/2 and just under 1 yr) You still have 2 sweet babies, what business did you have trying for another?“ ….yep, that still stings.
Good thing he looks just like his Daddy! This little gem was due to the fact that my then active duty military man had been deployed and biggest E was born almost exactly 9 months after his return. This never fails to infuriate me.
Good thing you look so young, it helps even out that exhausted, I-have-too-many-kids look. Yes, someone actually said this to me.
You look so young, are you even married? Yes, we were married for over 2 years before our first… but that is none of your business!
My aren’t you the overachiever? I know 3 kids in less than 4 years is not the norm, and yes, some days it’s difficult, but I wouldn’t have them any other way. And again, this is also none of your business!
Oh, don’t you feel so sad that you won’t be having any more children? Yes, as a matter of fact, I do. Thank you for rubbing it in.
You’re so lucky you have enough/make enough that you can stay home. I am blessed to stay at home, but it has nothing to do with luck. We made that decision and have made specific choices to keep it that way. The best part was that this was said by someone who’s income is roughly the same.
What do you think you’ll want to do when you’re able to have a real job? This is offensive on so many levels. And leaves me digging my teeth into my tongue so that words are impossible.
Didn’t you ever want to have a real job? See above statement. x12.
Well, I hope that works for you. I would never parent that way. Let’s meet up again in 20 years and compare notes on how our parenting styles worked out.

I am not one for confrontation of any sort, and I believe in supporting other women, and other moms, no matter what… but these leave me wanting to attend mud-slinging try out, hoping for making it to the big leagues. And those are just the ones that are on the tip of my tongue, off the top of my head, and maybe seared into my heart. I try not to hold onto it, but sometimes that mud is just so sticky that it leaves me one muddy mama.

But as I listen to Miss E tell Biggest E, “My honey bunny, thanks for having a playdate with me, your little girl sister.” And when I ask where they’re off to now as they head down the stairs, Biggest E shrugs his shoulder and says, “Just having a playdate with my best friend, you know, the girl that is my sister,” I know that for our family, this is exactly where I need to be, and my children are better off for it. Which helps the mud start sliding off, except for a little clinging to my shoes. So I take a deep breath, and wash what’s left off… after all, these shoes are way too cute to have mud on them anyways.

Family Life According To Me Love Dare Marriage

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We’re expecting

by motherofwonder

As I sat out on my deck enjoying the beautiful weather yesterday, I couldn’t help but thinking, I’m going to cry if it snows again. Leave it to my husband to burst my bubble, but… we’re supposed to have snow this weekend (Ok, so he didn’t choose this weather, but because he informed me, that really becomes a moot point.). And I really may cry if we do see snow. We have, after all, had snow since October.

Anyways, this had me thinking about expectations… we expect spring to follow suit and spring into summer, but here that is not always the case. It likes to dabble it’s way in and out until we’re in full meltdown, and then it’s winter again. Aren’t there many things in life this can relate to? We have expectations about so many things, both realistic and unrealistically. Like the expectation so many have that you’re going to live happily ever after, because you have found the one. My brother is getting married in less than a month and he and his fiancée spent the weekend with us, which also got me thinking about expectations. There was a little squabble about him not being willing enough to continue helping with the projects that are of course leaving this soon-to-be-bride a little frantic. Erik and I laughed and said, You think it’s hard now, just wait. (We’re so encouraging, right?) And we both reiterated that the first year or two or three… are spent learning each other in ways you maybe thought you already knew. And most importantly, you will learn how to fight with each other. I don’t mean you’ll learn how to defeat each other with one fell swoop (although you will learn which button to push to do just that). What I mean is that you will learn the way each other fights (this was a point from our pre-marital counselling that really was so helpful to us). You may learn that he needs to work issues out immediately or that she really needs to be given some space before being able to talk through an issue. Either way, you learn, and you adjust.

What does this have to do with expectations? Well, we expect things to be easy, we expect to continuously feel love, we expect to always feel/work/live/love as we do now. Unfortunately, what people often fail to take into consideration is this simple fact: Life does not just happen. We make choices. I think what it all boils down to, and what much of the last weeks’ Love Dare has been talking about, is that we can choose. We can expect the worst or expect the best, but if we’re not actively choosing the best, we’re not going to get it. Expectations are not the enemy, lack of choosing to pursue them, is. Especially in our relationships. As most newlyweds/new relationships of any kind (whether dating or friendships) you have this rush, this glow that you may feel defines your relationship and surely you will always get butterflies whenever you see them. I’m not saying you can’t have a great relationship throughout the years, what I am saying is that you have to actively pursue that. Because even though I have known my husband for hundreds of years (ok not that long, but 1/2 of my life! That’s gotta count for something!) he cannot read my mind! No matter how badly I want him to. He knows everything about me, all my secrets, all my fears, hopes, and dreams… and yet he cannot read my mind! And your other half can’t either. No matter how many sentences you can finish, no matter how many times you find the thing they were looking for (before they asked for it), no matter how much you can convey through looking at each other… Because he cannot read my mind, and because I often don’t speak what’s on it…we run into problems. And sometimes that leads me to days where I don’t particularly enjoy being his wife. And I think I can say with some authority, that on those days, he’s probably not enjoying being my husband either. But we choose to continue to be. Year five of our marriage was a bit tumultuous for us, as individuals we’ve had hard things emotionally and physically, and as a couple we’ve struggled between how to be a loving couple while working and raising children, very young and close in age children. And on the days that we weren’t really feeling like being active participants in this marriage, we choose to do it anyways. We chose to kiss each other goodnight, good-morning, and goodbye every day, even when we don’t really feel like it. Which is why, as we’re gaining on year 7… we’re not itching (you know, the 7 year itch). In fact, because we CHOSE to push our way through, to love our way through, to pray our way through…we are probably in the best place of our marriage, thus far. We are leaning on each other more, we trying to voice our feelings (especially the good ones) more, and we’re loving more thoroughly. But it is not by accident.

We believe in living with intention, and not just in our food. In our lives too- in our parenting, in our interactions with each other and with those around us, and in the way we love and show love. We don’t just believe in living that way, we practice it. It’s not perfect, and it’s not easy, but it is why I have the expectation that we’ll continue living and loving together as a family for as long as God allows.

Better Than Expectations Pizza

I know I mentioned previously doing pizza fridays (and I still really want to do that!) but because it was so good, I’m going to share this recipe with you now, on a plain old Wednesday! Friday I’m going out to buy an adapter for this stupid camera! So maybe Pizza Friday will be pictures! Anyways, the hubs texted me a couple weeks ago saying Buffalo Chicken Pizza sounded good. We’ve never had one before or made one, so I did what I do when something sounds good that I haven’t made before… I google as many recipes as I can. And then I make something completely different! Here is what I made:

Super Yummy Pizza Crust (Makes 2 small pizzas- fed four)

1/3 cup brown rice flour
1/3 cup white rice flour
1/2 cup tapioca starch/flour
3 tbs dried milk powder
1 tsp fine sea salt
1 tsp xantham gum
1 tsp baking powder
1 cup water
1 tbs olive oil (evoo)
1 tsp cinder vinegar

Preheat oven to 425 degrees. Spray sheet for easiest crust removal. Combine flours, dried milk, salt, baking powder, and xantham gum. In a separate bowl, whisk the water, oil, and vinegar. Pour the liquid ingredients over the flours, mixing slowly with a spatula until it is a smooth and soft, that just holds its shape (more than pancake batter but less than cookie dough). Transfer about 1/3 of the dough to a pastry bag, or resealable bag (what I used) with one corner snipped off. Divide remaining dough between the two pans, spreading it thinly with a spatula- about 7inch rounds. Pipe a raised, “rim” around the edge of each one. *Brush all over with egg white (1 egg white, lightly beaten) to help sealing and browning. Bake until puffed and starting to brown, about 20 minutes. Cover with pizza toppings, return to oven for another minutes, or until bubbling hot.

*This crust was SO good! I think next time I make it I will double the recipe to make bigger, and a little thicker crusts.

Flying Buffalo Chicken

3 cups of chicken breast, chopped
1 1/2 cups Frank’s Red Hot Sauce (or whatever your favorite hot sauce is)
2 tbs butter
2 tbs flour (I used tapioca flour)
1 cup milk
2 tsp buttermilk ranch seasoning
Shredded Cheese (I used mozzarella and cheddar)

While pizza dough/crust is in the oven (you can of course buy or make whatever kind of crust you like best), I do the topping: cook chicken over medium-high heat. When a little over halfway cooked, add in hot sauce. Stir to coat chicken thoroughly.

My husband isn’t a big fan of blue cheese, but you could always do the “sauce” with a blue cheese dressing, or ranch dressing from bottles. You could also use the hot sauce as the pizza sauce if you wanted a stronger taste/flavor and then have something for dipping. I make my own sauce:

Combine butter, flour, milk, ranch seasoning (the only mix I could find that is MSG and food coloring free!) in saucepan over med. heat. Boil two minutes, stirring frequently. If seems too thick add milk (by the tsp) if it’s not thick enough add flour/starch (by pinches).

Spread sauce on crust (as much or as little as you want), spread chicken generously over pizza and cover in as much, or as little, cheese as you like.

Stick back in the oven for about 7 more minutes, or until cheese is thoroughly melted and bubbling.

Enjoy! I’m not a big “buffalo” flavor lover, but this was really good- we’ll definitely be making it again!

Chicken Gluten Free Life According To Me Love Dare Marriage Recipes

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Spring Meltdown

by motherofwonder

When you live in the frozen tundra, as my family does, by the time Spring has sprung I’m left in a permafrost funk. Thankfully sunshine helps. But after months of being stuck in the house with three small children… I’m a little bit antsy. Thankfully the warm up has officially started and the snow is FINALLY gone! Unfortunately, for my children, that want to spend every last moment of this new found warm weather OUTSIDE… I have got the organizational munchies. I love organization. And before children I was known to go as far as to refold towels my husband had folded, because they weren’t quite right. 6 years and three kids later, I’m just thankful if any towels have been cleaned and are in need of folding, let alone getting folded- by anyone!

Because of littlest E’s birth last July, we didn’t get things as unpacked and organized as we otherwise would have, so we’re dusting off the cobwebs and picking up the slack now! We’ve filled our whole big trash bin with things we’re tossing and it’s not even trash day (we never do that!). Declutter!! I just can’t stand that “little bit everywhere”…in fact, it makes me a little crazy. And let’s face it, I’m already headed down that lane, so you can see why this would be a problem. So for me the first couple weeks of warmer weathers- they motivate me! I have to force myself to stop and let the kids run and play outside because I just want to keep going!

And since Monday has been dubbed, “Monday Funday” (I’m still trying to work out the rest of the days… if you have suggestions- let me know), it is our “electronic free day.” At least for the kids, and I try to at least keep mine minimized for their sake. Since it means no TV, no movies, no computer games…. we play. Outside, inside… wherever! We play. So things don’t really get done around the house on Mondays, but happiness occurs anyhow. Since we’re over that hump, today I’m attempting to get going on the re-organizing business full force! Today I have become Operative Mother of All Organization. Ok, maybe not that extreme, because I still have baby to nurse, kids to feed, dinners to make (hmm… my days often seem to focus on feeding people…). I seem to be having trouble staying focused on one subject here, so I should make this quick. Go. Do. Organize.

Another goal of this mass organization is to find my stinkin’ camera adapter so that I can actually post pictures! Other than my phone’s pictures! I have some fun spring/Easter crafts and really tasty meals that I would like you to see!

Want to know what I’m having for dinner tonight? A family favorite! I usually just make this quick on the stovetop (takes the same amount of time as making a box of Hamburger Helper!) but in honor of being reunited with my crockpot, I may just throw it in there! This truly is a family favorite, and is also spouse-friendly! One of the first meals I made after throwing out all the boxed, packaged kinds! I didn’t know what I was doing, but threw things together…and voila! It was proclaimed delicious! Since then (I’m hoping!) it has been honed and tweaked just enough to make me feel like it’s no longer in the experiment stage.

Burgers a la Pasta!

4 servings of pasta (any kind- my kinds prefer “the noodles that look like phones” aka elbow)
*Homemade tomato sauce (I’m all out of the stuff I made and frozen in serving-size packages last fall, so I use plain tomato sauce and make it my own… adding in whatever tomatoes I have laying around, oregano, garlic, thyme, pepper, salt, pinch of sugar, and a pinch of whatever flour/starch I have on hand to thicken it just a bit. Don’t worry if you end up with more than you need with this recipe! Save it to use later this week or freeze it and use it next time!) You can of course use any kind of tomato/spaghetti sauce
1 lb hamburger, browned (I add whatever I would add when making normal hamburgers. So I add some Montreal Steak Seasoning, Garlic Salt, Pepper, Lowry’s, and salt… just pinches of each. And if I have any, I’ll mince just enough onion to taste like it’s got a little bit of onion in it, but not enough to be seen)
3/4 cup shredded cheddar (or whatever kind you like on your burgers) cheese
Parmesan cheese (if you don’t have this, don’t worry. I keep the grated kind and the real, aged, parmigiana reggianna shredded kind on hand, so I always throw in a little of each.)
Splash of milk (maybe 1/4 cup if I had to guess)

*Like Ranch burgers? Stay away from tomatoes? I have to for my girl’s sake, and so I either A)omit the sauce for her and just make hers extra cheesy or b)make a ranch sauce (plain white sauce: 2 tbs butter, 2 tbs. flour, 1 cup milk. Boil 2 minutes and add whatever seasoning sounds good to you. I use a buttermilk ranch seasoning.) Don’t want dairy? Skip the cheese all together. Still very good!

side note: You can do this all in one pot, but I had hungry people so I boiled the water, then put the noodles in as I browned the ground beef (so they’d be done simultaneously).

After hamburger is browned (and drained! PS. if you cook it at a high heat, it gets more of the fat out!), add in the noodles. Add the cheese slowly, while stirring, so that it melts and doesn’t turn into one big clump. If needed, adding in milk. (my kids like it just like this! no sauce needed!) Add in tomato sauce (about 2 cups. I always use more because my family likes things “saucy.”). Stir so noodles are coated and in the sauce. Once boiling (med-high heat) turn heat down and simmer (with a lid!) until noodles are thoroughly cooked, stirring occasionally. About 15 minutes (but that will depend on the kind of noodles you use, so keep an eye on them). Let sit about 2 minutes (will thicken up some). And eat! Enjoy!

I was starting to think my crock pot has long gone since I haven’t seen it since we moved, last summer. I came home from an outing with the kids to it sitting on the counter! My husband had found it! He walked in the door just in time to see me discover it! I literally jumped in his arms! (He threatened to hide it again based on my enthusiasm! But he also found my food puree-er that I’ve been searching for to make baby food with, so I was doubly excited!) In honor of that, I think tonight I will attempt throwing all the ingredients in the crock pot and seeing how it turns out!

I am going to take pictures of tonight’s meal…hopefully the process and not just the end results. And will add them to this post as soon as I can! THE CAMERA ADAPTER WILL BE FOUND! Hopefully before I get a chance to go out and buy a new one and not momentarily afterwards, like the Wii remote I just replaced, and was found within minutes of me walking in the door with the new one. *eye roll*

Family Gluten Free Life According To Me Marriage Pasta Recipes

First Kiss

by motherofwonder

This morning as I was being used as a human jungle gym, my mind wandered…

This summer marks 14 years since my first kiss. And every summer I can’t help but think back to that day. And that boy. He was almost 16. Which as any teenager knows, is a big deal, because obviously you’re so close to adulthood at 16, because you can drive. He was one of those boys who might come across as a little full of himself. (And it might have been a little true.) Lots of friends and always sure of himself. The adult in me sees that most of that was probably a facade, but to the shy teenage girl, it was totally believable.

So I sit and think about what happened between us that summer, the letters, the phone calls… I consider the ways I grew and changed afterwards, and how he inevitably did too. I remember how weekly e-mails in high school turned to yearly birthday calls in college. I don’t remember any of it being particularly heart breaking (he may remember it differently, but I still see it with a bit of rose-colored glasses). Mostly, though, I think about the way time and circumstance changes people. The girl I was…how she became the woman she is. The boy he was and how he became the man he is… and I can’t help but wonder at the affects of that kiss. Now it may seem silly to for me to even think about considering where I’m at now, but I can’t help but wonder what life would look like if the inevitable too-young-love break-up hadn’t occurred.

So instead of the what-might-have-beens, I take a deep breath, let out a sigh, and smile. The roads that boy and I have taken since that fateful night so long ago… there’s been bends and twists, heartbreaks and tears, and even laughter… for both of us. But as my hair is being pulled by my youngest, my oldest launching himself off the couch and onto my stomach, while my middlest lays next to me laughing hysterically; I have no doubts, no second-guesses, no wish-we-would-haves. Only a silent acknowledgment that the roads that boy and I took, well, we needed to take them, as individuals. And I kind of think it makes the road we’re on, as adults, that much sweeter. After all, that boy turned into the most wonderful husband and the most amazing father that this 14-year-old-girl-turned-woman could ever have dreamed of. ♥ And sometimes it’s the sweetness of “our story” and the length of our friendship, love, and history that keep me from killing him (figuratively, of course), so I think he’s probably thankful for it too.

Family Love Dare Marriage

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Just Call Me The April Fool

by motherofwonder

I have so many things I want to combine in this post, because there’s so much going on right now! I realize I haven’t said anything about “the Love Dare” the last weekish. And it’s not because I’m not doing it- I really am! As I knew would eventually happen (and perhaps why I stalled so much in the beginning- to prevent the inevitable.), I feel peace. And happy. ~~I am now this perfectly kind, wise, patient woman that I always knew I could be.~~ Ok, scratch that. But in truth, I am finding myself having more patience, which in turn is allowing me to respond to situations with more kindness than I’m afraid I’ve been showing as of late. And it’s having benefits. As I’m more patient with them (and in turn, showing more kindness), they are returning the favor. Hubbyman and I realized last night that there have been WAY less time outs at our house lately. (and I mean WAY less) And Hubby even has shown me an abnormal amount of kindness lately. The last couple of weeks he’d been looking at me and smirking. I was starting to worry. Finally last weekend it came out that he had been SEARCHING (he even went *gasp* shopping- on-line yes, but he also went to actual stores, like Williams*Sonoma! My husband!) for a pasta extruder/attachment so I can make macaroni and rotini (and therefore don’t have to buy any noodles!). This is a HUGE deal. I even got a back rub a couple nights ago, without asking for one, and without having to return the favor. Maybe it had something to do with the fact I had to miss out on my girls’ night with one of my favorite Happy Hour mistresses. (Seriously, she’s terrific! She knows that I get out infrequent enough that she is always reminding me that I’m important too, not to check my phone -much- and we stay out until I have to go back!) But even that is something to be thankful for. He had is in the middle of a big project at work and had to work, but he still recognized that I was missing out. Suffice it to say, things are looking up in our household.

…or maybe it was all a big trick!! This morning I got up and it was freezing! I’d been cold all night too- even with Big E snuggled into our bed (I don’t even know when that happened?!), and that boy’s a heater. So turns out the heat never got turned up before bed (I turn it way down during the day depending on if we’re spending our day upstairs or downstairs… no point in heating an area we’re not in!). So I was cold and a little cranky. And then I go upstairs. I have Littlest E on my hip, because he’s been up for quite some time playing and is starting to get a little cranky. I get my favorite coffee cup -because of it’s size- and turn on the water (yes, I admit it, I was going to make instant coffee. Please don’t judge. I know it’s bad. I’m just that desperate for coffee immediately.)… and then it happens. I get sprayed with water. And it takes me a moment to realize what’s going on (hello?! no coffee yet!?!), and to realize that the baby on my hip is being sprayed directly in his face. Great. So I turn the water off and look at the hose, figuring something had to have gone wrong. And then it hits me. It’s APRIL FIRST. Crap. And there’s the string tied around the hose. So I do a little growling and muttering as I cut the string off. I wipe Ethan down, change shirts. ….it might also be helpful to know this about me: I HATE when my clothes get wet. Like hate, hate. So much that a small spill even, will send me back into the house to change, no matter where I was heading, or how late I already am. Hate. It’s weird, don’t question it- it’s just how it is. Then Miss E (the 2 1/2 year old, nicknamed the dEva) starts asking for some water and she’s whining… so I pick her up and we go get her water. Turns out, the hose had been tied down so long, it wanted to stay in that position. You should also know something about Miss E: She’s dramatic, and she hates getting her clothes wet at least as much as I do. And still no coffee yet.

Breathe in….breathe out. Make enough coffee to feed an army. Drink and watch Ellen. Breathe. Try not to mutter about killing my husband in front of the children… aaahhh, coffee kicks in. As I posted in my facebook status: [Husband]- apparently you’ve forgotten who cooks your meals, washes your clothes, and raises your children… because you’d think you would know better than to pull a prank on her. But don’t worry, I’ll make dinner extra special as a reminder!

Now to plan dinner…. BAHAHAHA! (that’s my online version of evil laughter)

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Chicken Gluten Free Life According To Me Love Dare Marriage Recipes

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