laborofwonder

Where Whine Meets Wine

Ashes

on March 10, 2011

In the past years I’ve given up a variety of things for Lent: certain food, pop, coffee, sugar, tv, radio… As I was thinking it over this last week, wondering what to give up this year, I came to this conclusion. Impatience. I am giving up impatience. I’m not sure it’s possible, but I’m attempting it. Go big, or go home, right?

You see, I have a just-turned-4 year old, a 2 1/2 year old… that’s a girl. Along with an 8 month old. (Can I add the 9 month old puppy to the list?) I have days where I feel like I wake up impatient. And I certainly wouldn’t want them under the care of an impatient person were they at a daycare. Why would I feel differently when they’re under my care? In fact, I’ve been trying to keep in mind that Big E and Miss E are at ages where they’ll be remembering things I do and say, maybe even for the rest of their lives. So I’ve been trying to live our days as if they’re going to be remembered forever. Which is essentially what brought me to my “Lent Challenge”…


Most people have probably heard of the movie, Fireproof. Well the “Love Dare” from the movie is also available to the masses. So I’m doin’ it! But not just on my husband, and not just on my children, but EVERYONE. Yes, it was written in the marriage format, but… it’s things you can apply to everyone you come in contact with. And from what I’ve gathered so far (and what I can remember of the movie) that it’s really about patience and kindness. And let me just say this… it’s gonna be tough. I mean, I consider myself a fairly patient person. I certainly am used to having my patience tested with three young children. But this is like REAL patience. Like controlling not only your reaction and words, but your thoughts kind of patience. Yesterday the dare was to not say anything negative. I believe I succeeded. But I do have to admit, I was kinda quiet yesterday! And it wasn’t because I was on the verge of saying negative things (at least most of the time)… I was just kind of afraid that once I started saying things, that I’d have a hard time NOT going there. I don’t know why this feels so hard. I think it’s the selfish thought that what if someone does or says something to me that makes me really mad? What if I have a valid reason for my anger? I’m supposed to just sit there in silence? Well the book says we are to speak all words in a “spirit of love,” even if hard words are necessary. It means the truth, but (and the book really says this):  “You bend over backwards…” to say things in kindness and not to say things just because I want to say them. Isn’t that why we say a lot of things, if we’re honest, because we want to say them.

Well, I’m a little tempted to just erase all this so no one has any record of it. So I always have an escape route! But I know that’s just my fear of failure. Because honestly, I’m probably going to have a day (or more) where I don’t complete the challenge, but it’s here in black and white and I can’t give up! I won’t give up! Positive thoughts. Inhale. Exhale. Repeat. For 38 1/2 more days. After that it’s just the rest of my life…. but we’ll start with the next 38 1/2 days. Eh, how about we’ll just start with finishing today? *Sigh*

My new mantra: I want to be where patience and wisdom meet.

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2 responses to “Ashes

  1. [...] show a little grace, you little SMBrigader you, and because I’m still on that stinkin’ Love Dare (can you tell that I’m facing a challenging part right now?), I will show you grace as well. [...]

  2. [...] did the Love Dare a few months ago, and granted I didn’t do it in the 40 days they prescribe, but I wanted to [...]

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